jp
@excesstential
Followers
6,627
Following
1,242
Media
1,318
Statuses
11,801
The good tweets are from me and the bad ones are from my interns
Joined February 2018
Don't wanna be here?
Send us removal request.
Explore trending content on Musk Viewer
PayPay
• 216797 Tweets
River
• 135619 Tweets
インプレゾンビ
• 123673 Tweets
Corinthians
• 109083 Tweets
Palestino
• 89257 Tweets
Jokic
• 72096 Tweets
Joker
• 63837 Tweets
#GodMorningWednesday
• 40110 Tweets
Millonarios
• 33950 Tweets
Gobert
• 32547 Tweets
ロッキン
• 28888 Tweets
Wesley
• 25144 Tweets
Borja
• 24898 Tweets
PROTECT JOSHUA
• 23751 Tweets
Jalen Brunson
• 23190 Tweets
Yuri Alberto
• 21821 Tweets
#PLEDIS_PROTECT_JOSHUA
• 21135 Tweets
PROTECT YOUR ARTIST
• 17824 Tweets
Astros
• 17249 Tweets
Fausto Vera
• 16305 Tweets
#GUTSworldtourBKK
• 13732 Tweets
DPOY
• 13659 Tweets
花ざかりの君たち
• 11676 Tweets
ana cristina
• 11665 Tweets
カエルの為
• 11370 Tweets
D-3 PAGTATAG FINALE
• 11272 Tweets
#กี่หมื่นฟ้า2024
• 10863 Tweets
Pinned Tweet
POV: you’re on a first date where the guy thinks his music taste is a little too good
56
900
8K
once i took a girl on a date and she said “wow, i love how polite you are to the employees” and then i went home and found her twitter and she tweeted “date someone who is polite to food service employees” and then she had the audacity to get a boyfriend that wasnt me
191
17K
266K
My dad can get into “dad-mode” sometimes. He’s a doctor who is worried about the virus, and told me, his 24 year old son, in a 5 min rant that this isn’t the time to be trying to have a lot of “play-dates”. So if you were trying to play after school im sorry my dad said we cant
77
16K
201K
Getting touched during heads up seven up was the last time i felt something
87
27K
140K
Do airpods
Not have wires
Because we are scared
Of connection?
- Rupi Kaur
146
29K
125K
how it feels to go on a little walk after being on your phone all day
43
5K
86K
i am an enemy of the second amendment
If you want to ban AR-15s, you are an enemy of the Second Amendment.
That’s it. That’s the tweet.
12K
1K
7K
18
7K
37K
as someone who contains multitudes its so annoying talking to someone who contains a single tude. u can tell right away
16
3K
20K
for the needlessly salty: she didn’t do anything wrong she doesn’t owe me anything, it’s just funny.
8
92
9K
Child education majors be like damn i have a coloring book due on friday
32
727
8K
1. she found this tweet lol
2. please vote for candidates that do not deny science and are trying to ensure economic rights
3. pls be patient w me
10
90
6K
we have so many movies about falling in love but why is there only one movie about stealing the Declaration of Independence
8
529
5K
i made these conservative coded leftist memes a few years ago and a few conservative facebook friends were like “wow! i didnt know you were so patriotic!”
14
293
4K
am i wrong or do i remember that in the hunger games Peta could camouflage himself because he was really good at frosting cakes or something lmaoo
13
85
4K
I attended a very small, sanitary, fake graduation for a few people who were sad they wouldn’t have a ceremony and the music was a high point
15
269
3K
“i agree”
- uh, ok
- boring
- low effort
“so true bestie”
- reinforces friendship
- makes an epistemological claim about truth
- endorphin rush in the brain
7
293
3K
The most POWERFUL Mormons in the world rankings:
3. The 14 year old Eagle Scouts
2. Bishops who declare “ladies first” for refreshments
And of course
1. Those who carry FOUR (4)!! chairs at a time cleaning up after stake conference
23
209
3K
communism in practice is redistributing the songs your exes showed you to your new love interests
4
336
2K
What do you think the dude wearing an American Flag hat had to say about nuking the Japanese civillians in my philosophy class. Just take a wild guess. Just take a guess. Just gueeeess.
20
60
2K
imagine being an Englishman, watching your team lose, and then fixing yourself a plate of this for dinner
7
65
2K
My second grade teacher would get a paddle and give people birthday spankings on their birthday, bending them over in front of the class. One time she bent over a chubbier boy, rubbed his buttocks with the paddle, and made the joke “that’s a whole lotta jelly”
36
61
2K
L + ratio + you say cringe unironically + you’ve lost all sense of childlike wonder + you don’t know to say something true and beautiful + your sense of right and wrong is purely aesthetic + in the midst of winter, you ignored within you the invincible summer
3
915
2K
The results are in!!! Thank you to everyone who participated and voted in this years’ Best Twitter User of 2019!! and a SPECIAL congratulations to the winner!!
16
115
2K
When you just finished watching The Land Before Time and those tree stars are looking mighty tasty 👁👁🥵🥵🥵😩😩👌
15
187
2K
When i was a child, i saw a bee get stuck in a spider’s web. I took a stick and cut the bee free. The bee immediately flew up to my neck, stung me, and flew away. Moral of the story is don’t help anyone. Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.
6
84
2K
The plan? To appropriate patriotic boomer Facebook memes to get people to agree with leftist policy
12
220
2K
Bachelorette of Provo except it’s all Provo all stars who have done summer sales and one 18 year old girl who has already decided on serving a mission
7
90
2K
the chad salvador dali “i am drugs” vs the virgin machine gun kelly “i am weed”
4
67
1K
me and whoing so hard i pull a hamstring
My favourite genre of art is men laying in their woman's lap
134
3K
17K
0
94
1K
Some of u really need to work on communication skills. Sometimes, me liking your tweet means i like your tweet. Sometimes it means dm me, you’re cute. Sometimes it means i’m just saying hi and staying supportive. Sometimes it’s an accident. Grow up and learn the difference.
3
89
1K
A friend with benefits but actual benefits like healthcare and a 401k
3
217
1K
@bocxtop
@dianelyssa
exactly. the point is she can PROVE she’s a progressive is she supports the progressive candidate. that’s the whole point. I want to root for her
36
19
1K
@okaishawty
i will text you “thank you for saving my puppy” at exactly 7:09 PM. be ready, phone facing up on the table
1
7
1K
People get so mad on here when people demonstrate the slightest hit of sincerity and optimism. Two absolute kings
This is the most depressing shit I’ve ever seen
2K
296
7K
9
43
1K
before: dummy who did’t even know who Bernie was
after: ready to fight for healthcare for all
#hotboysforbernie
21
33
1K
Mormons who think they are edgy for swearing are cringier than the mormons who prefer not to swear
28
47
1K
me: i promise i won’t become the stunning vistas of autumnal foliage that cause the mind the reflect on impermanence and the very soul itself tonight
me three drinks later:
2
65
987
Me abandoning absolutely any task in order to go say hi to a dog i see
2
162
951
no she’s spitting. as someone who has watched and played sports since i was a child this is basically what i do to this day
3
19
944
I will never forget the time i watched Zootopia with a girl and i said “wow that was a huge allegory for racism” and she said “no, i don’t think so”
7
31
891
Very depressing meme but good news tho: Humans aren’t inherently a scourge on the earth and we CAN solve this mess if we figure out how to change our systems of being and coexist with eachother and nature, utilizing technology for GOOD. Check out what Murray Bookchin had to say:
6
151
822
@sushipregnancy
@JordanUhl
republicans: let’s capture the youth demographic with young passionate leaders and PragerU propaganda
democrats: we need to get O̶̥̐́͑͐̐̆̕L̷͇̥̯̺̆̈́̒̍̀̓̈́͜͠Ḑ̸̨̨̻̣̭͙̗̍̄̀̇͜É̵̡͎̬̗̟̤̥̼͔͙̉̈̐̆̈́͑̾R̶͉͖̝̹͕̼͇͚͎̝̾̔̄̍͆́̕̚͝
1
23
809
LMAO people really study accounting? “Look at me! 1 money 2 money 3 money!!” just grow up already
6
148
828
.
End your Snapchat streaks and free yourself from the clutches of passive social commitment
.
3
72
812
@ihatethiskid
there are so many thirst comments here no one is going to notice me saying i peed my pants in the second grade and told my friend it was because my mom forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
5
22
778
me: cuffing season is a meaningless social construct where in reality nothing about our inclination to find a partner changes
*first snow falls*
me: nvm
1
61
771
does anyone else cringe when remembering that we used to stand up as a class and do the pledge of allegiance
18
39
769
remembering the time i posted this on my story on 4/20 and this girl screenshotted it. Later i was hanging out with her and found out it wasn’t because it was funny but because she thought it was actually a beautiful thing to say lol
4
14
769
If you exaggerated how high you were in your wisdom teeth videos because you knew it would be posted on social media then you can’t go to heaven :(
7
33
753
When you are walking to class listening to Beach House and you emotionally crumble
6
157
736
lol some people really study statistics? ooo high number bigger than small number yeah we know just grow the hell up
4
75
703
Do you ever meet someone at a BYU school so strange you know the font they were baptized in was comic sans
5
52
677
daylight savings js messed up bc i know Kacey Musgraves didn’t intend Golden Hour to be about 3:30 PM
2
87
667
yoooooooo mind if i drop some baddies on the TL?🙈 congrats ladies 🥵👍👏👏👏
9
63
674
*deep inhale* 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺*deep inhale*🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺
3
53
663
Im about to “hello how are you” my way into some platonic friendship
3
80
659
i can say boomer, my grandpa is boomer so i’m actually a quarter boomer
2
62
658
do you guys think in 200 years society will have moved past absolutely worshipping attractive people for the sake of being attractive or are we doomed to be stuck on that until the end of time
11
40
653
well he should probably practice some more this doesnt slap at all
3
40
647
Me: *typing in Snapchat messenger*
The other person’s Bitmoji watching me type:
0
108
625
I cannot cannot cannot cannot cannot cannot cannot get over the fact that the conservative narrative against BLM was that they were violent revolutionaries trying to destroy the US and that they needed to "back the blue" and now MAGA is attempting to storm the US capitol lololol
4
158
652
If someone tries to establish dominance over you by saying “hey bud”, do not fret, but reply with “hey sport”. If they persist with an ill-advised, “hey big guy”, then respond with a swift “hey champ” and you are now the alpha.
9
57
647
Me flirting 5 years ago: “haha so how was your day? You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to though”
Me flirting now: literally just messaging “daddy” in response to a good selfie
3
47
631
She stole my heart like it was a famous US document that, with lemon juice and heat applied to the back, revealed clues that would eventually lead to an ancient treasure hidden by the freemasons and the founding fathers
1
90
642
“I don’t know who needs to hear this but RACISM is WRONG,” Max tweeted. He began refreshing as quickly as he could. Only 5 likes in 4 minutes. A post of this caliber should have performed better, especially since he was white and woke af. He deleted it, and would try again later.
3
61
607
the day twitter realizes that saying “im so chaotic” is the current version of “im so random” is the day we can move forward as a society
4
26
611
this is my little sister. She was disgusted by McDonalds chicken nuggets a few years ago, and since then, once a year, decides to make a big event out of trying them again. Today was the two year anniversary, and she has decided they are still gross, and will try again in a year
10
7
585
‘the obsessed artist’ is truly one of the greatest concepts in film/tv show
5
23
581
remember in 2009 when we thought we had good music taste bc we liked intro by the xx
6
54
573