Eugene
@eugeneh84
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Digital Marketer, currently on a gap year in the great border city, News and Star bonny baby finalist 1986, Sean Dyche lookalike, He/Him.
Cumbria
Joined November 2010
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Pinned Tweet
English Managers as pub regulars:
Scott Parker - after work drinker
Gakked up city boy. Only stopped off for one but 4 pints in and he's putting an order in and seeing who fancies a club later on. Loyal to the mrs but weekends are for the boys
Drinks: Stella/ double rum & coke
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Gareth Southgate teaching Jack Grealish the new national anthem
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Me and the boys leaving Aldi after cleaning out the middle aisle
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They'd cause problems up top in League 2
🚨 | NEW: Rishi Sunak (5’7) meets Albanian PM Edi Rama (6’7)
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"I don't eat breakfast or lunch. I have what I like to call a mini-dinner 3 times a day"
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When you check the board at Manchester Piccadilly and your train is on platform 14
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"Can't go down Spurs no more. Banned aren't I. Last time I was there for the North London Derby I ended up having a straightener with Aaron Ramsdale. Took his head clean off with a roundhouse kick"
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Dolly Parton's first draft
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'They were no longer 4 lads in jeans they were 4 men'
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Captain Tom's daughter wheeling him out for the next Soccer Aid
A 16-year-old Mexican teenager was murdered... His friends brought his coffin to the place where he always played football and made him score one last goal💙
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Yer da reading the board in Brewdog before asking them if they sell Fosters
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'We can't sign Jude Bellingham but we can recreate him in the aggregate with..."
"A James Milner contract extension and Trent in midfield"
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And the Brit award nominations for the best British male solo artist are...
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Trying to read an article on a regional news website
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"Any questions?"
* hands up *
"That aren't about the boots"
* hands down *
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"They are supposed to be pulling santa's sleigh but they're busy playing reindeer games. They need to focus on delivering presents, that's their job. Why does Rudolph have a shiny nose? Showboating."
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"Platinum Jubilee to celebrate 70 years of being the Queen? That's her job though, isn't it?"
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No XL Bullies on the Epstein list, I see. Makes you think doesn't it?
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Took my girl to her first rave yesterday and said "welcome to my world" and she replied "our world now" and I will remember this night forever
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He should focus on running across Africa
The main reason this song resonates with so many people isn’t political. It’s because the song is raw and authentic. We are suffocated by artificiality. Everything around us is fake. A guy in the woods pouring his heart over his guitar is real.
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My taxi driver didn't speak much English but seemed to love English football, so we were just bombing along whilst he named English teams and random players and I nodded or shook my head.
Probably in my top 10 conversations.
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Pretty boy Ben White seeing his title dreams destroyed by a ginger and a goth. His natural enemies.
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🚨 Erling Haaland's cousin Albert Braut Haaland plays with Norwegian Bran: - 37 matches - 64 goals
He is 18 years old 🔥🔥
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I'd watch the hell out of a documentary series about boozers on old estates
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Official statement from FC Barcelona on Leo Messi's decision to play for Inter Miami
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Lee Anderson has been appointed Secretary of State for blokes who show you 8 year old Facebook memes in the pub
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The over confident pig making his house out of sticks
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This is going to confuse the fuck out of Lord Sugar
Do you remember Princess Diana's heroic defending?
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Met Police issues advice to women to ‘shout or wave a bus down’ if they don’t trust a male officer
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Two creepy estate agents flirting with the student waitress in Slug & Lettuce
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Not to tell your social team how to do their job but i'd probably always use his surname
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"You lot out celebrating your a-level results? Youse off to uni then, yeah? Some pointless media degree no doubt. Went to the university of life me. Fancy getting us a pint from your student loan?"
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When you've had 4 pints before the flight and the seatbelt sign finally goes off
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Martin Lewis when the train ticket inspector comes round
A Nigerian official fake fainted after he was grilled about missing funds.
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The away end just won the postcode lottery
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You can take the lad out of the afters but you can't take the afters out the lad.
All these former beak heeds turned entrepeneurs have swapped chatting shit at 5am in some randoms kitchen for a podcast studio.
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Tapping this like the This is Anfield sign as I clock in for my shift as an Oompa Loompa
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Committed to wearing a jumper in the sun because the t-shirt underneath is an old one that's now too small
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We've been crying out for someone like Jack Grealish since the 00s. We've not had a proper rock star in this country since Mickey Carroll blew his lottery winnings.
Stick on the Arctic's first album, spark up in a boozer and crack open a cheeky vimto. Cool Britannia is back.
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'Bro, send me that photo from last night'
The photo:
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* Me scrubbing away for 10 minutes *
The bolognese stain on my tupperware looking back at me:
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Fucking hell. I thought he was in the Kop.
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"When i'm having a barbecue I have what I like to call lots of mini-beers throughout the day"
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Martin Lewis has been quiet about this one. Clearly on the Tim Martin payroll.
This man has just told me his secret.
Ordering the halloumi burger with chicken is £1 cheaper than the chicken burger with halloumi at Whetherspoons
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Growing up, our pebble-dash semi was everything to my family – it gave us stability and I believe every family deserves the same.
That’s why Labour will get Britain building again, so working people’s aspiration to own their home can be a reality.
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"Paint me like one of your Blackpool waltzers"
"Shit I was just doing what I do. He didn't like that. He got what he got."
Maxx is a Raider fr
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Martin Lewis handing his student railcard to the ticket inspector
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My man was so scared that Corbyn might slap an incel tax on Monster energy drinks and nationalise Cex that he voted Tory
"Your reckless socialist ideas are genuinely terrifying to me, my family and my friends."
This
#BBCQT
audience member gives his verdict on Jeremy Corbyn, who has no plan for Brexit, would allow 2 more chaotic referendums and higher taxes for you and you…
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I beg to differ
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"What is the charge? Using wet look gel in 2023? Styling my hair with some succulent wet look gel?"
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It's that time of year again
Committed to wearing a jumper in the sun because the t-shirt underneath is an old one that's now too small
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Orange customers in the 00s
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Prime Minister Rishi Sunak got the first round in at Spoons but then suggested going to the Alchemist next
Prime Minister Rishi Sunak has been seen at King's Cross railway station purchasing seasonal treats, which were reportedly for key workers.
Latest politics news 👉
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They've made it look like Khan is giving it some to the away end
Tubes are empty today as millions of Londoners suffer yet another day of strikes thanks to Sadiq Khan and Labour.
They're backing the unions causing this chaos 👇
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'Bro, send me that photo from last night'
The photo:
Wrestler Hulk Hogan and singer James Blunt attend the 2006 MTV Video Music Awards (2006)
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Make a Peep Show reference and see who laughs
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Sean Dyche's first training session was teaching the players how to drive a HGV
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Former wreckhead turned mental health guru podcasting has now peaked
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Captain Tom's daughter whilst he was out doing laps of the back yard
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Keep private schools but make it mandatory for their pupils to take a weird little Irish fella doing a bad scouse accent home for the summer holidays
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Roy Keane criticising the Brazilians for dancing. Those in glass houses and all that.
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This quote tweet made me laugh. A bloke in Turkey with a real hatred of Milton Keynes.
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Would love to be there when the first fella tries wearing these down the local
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LITTLER INTO WORLD YOUTH FINAL!
Luke Littler has done it!
The 16-year-old sensation averages over 101 to defeat Sebastian Bialecki 6-3 in a high-quality semi-final to seal his spot in November's Winmau World Youth Championship final! 👏
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Imagine one of your mates just rocking up to the pub with this barnet
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