goblin ells
@elliepeek
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Following
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Statuses
40,586
graphic designer + little goblin. i like games. she/her. 💗💜💙
Portland, OR
Joined May 2013
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the first person to ever throw up was probably like ok what the fuck
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little caesar does not have to be good he simply has to be hot. and ready. that is his promise to us
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people who get diarrhea from taco bell are weak and their bloodline is weak and history will forget them
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girls who can kill a whole jar of dill pickles in one sitting are the hottest bitches in the world
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if I don’t eat all day except for one 4000 calorie meal at 9pm is that intermittent fasting
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girls who will ruin your life:
- girls who wear carhartt beanies
- ice cream biters
- know their whole astrological chart
- shitty drivers
- reformed horse girls
- “i love scary movies”
- girls w an iron deficiency
- take selfies when they cry
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stop glamorizing “the grind” and start glamorizing whatever this is
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@GerdesDaGoat
@Iameaschris
I went to my app to check and it was literally the second recommended!
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having a ginger ale on a plane is a euphoric experience i cannot explain why. i don’t ever buy ginger ale normally, it’s just a perfect plane drink.
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I have watched this video so many times and it never ceases to be funny
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what the signs should try out in 2019:
aries- turn signal
taurus- turn signal
gemini- turn signal
cancer- turn signal
leo- turn signal
virgo- turn signal
libra- turn signal
scorpio- empathy
sagittarius- turn signal
capricorn- turn signal
aquarius- turn signal
pisces- turn signal
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THE DEVIL WORKS HARD, BUT KRIS JENNER WORKS HARDER
When you realize Kim, Kylie and Khloe all just had daughters within 6 months of each other. Kris Jenner really just secured her coins to give us KUWTK the Next Generation. Ain’t no human alive that has ever worked harder than Kris J.
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cannot believe there are people who just raw dog going to sleep. no melatonin, no weed, no ambien? just you and your mind?? wild
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so i’m discovering the problem here is not systemic, but rather my lack of “hustle”
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from what i’ve gathered, in order to have a healthy relationship, you need to be communicative, forgiving, and (i cannot stress this enough) gay
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girls don’t want boys girls want mitch mcconnell to lose his seat in the senate
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taco bell has never given me the shits y’all just need to evolve
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I feel like dry shampoo is the equivalent of unicorn blood for hair—it will keep it alive, but it will be a half-life, a cursed life...
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looking at skyrim in the unreal engine 5 has me shaking and crying and throwing up
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an intrusive thought that i have at least twice a day is daffy duck saying “i thlammed my penuth in the car door"
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it is also my promise to you. hot and ready,,,almost never good
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a complete list of hot people:
- every girl
- girls who say “sleepy” esp
- jeff goldblum
- jim from treasure planet
- ???
- that’s it
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high school me would just wake up at 5am?? go to swim practice? then school??? and!! do homework?? like day after day?? where did the work ethic go?? i miss that little crackhead
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Don't worry Cameron, my legs slammed shut when I saw this outfit
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the best thing about driving alone is that you get to cry for 45 uninterrupted minutes
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anyone ever hurt you so bad that you got a haircut and a piercing about them
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thick thighs may save lives, but they ruin pants ok my inseams are tired
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“I mean anal, Mckensleigh”
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some of y’all didn’t listen to 3oh!3 in middle school and it shows
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anne hathaway could do american psycho but christian bale couldn’t do princess diaries
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General Conference
Worst shows you’ve endured for the sake of the person you were dating at the time: the walking dead.
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cancelling plans is ok. falling asleep is ok. calling a cab is ok. having a smoke is ok. taking a drag is ok. going to bed is ok. if your stomach is sick and it’s all in your head that’s ok. touching his chest while he takes off your dress is ok. letting go is ok. not looking is
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i haven’t had sex since last year! haha! nah jk i absolutely got laid last night i’m not a fckin nerd
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{\__/}
( • . •)
/ >🍑 u want this?
{\__/}
( • - •)
🍑< \ let me steal your hoodies
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google jeff goldblum and your birthday to see what outfit you get
this is mine
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hey everybody, today my depression kicked my ass, so I’m starting a kickstarter to put him down. the benefits of killing him would be, I would get my ass kicked way less
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this is what I see in the corner of my room during sleep paralysis
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white republican girls my age are truly the most terrifying thing to me i’d rather see my sleep paralysis demon than them
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honeydew is trash fruit lemme know if u disagree so i can block u
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gorgeous gorgeous girls are allowed to hit a curb or two when they drive
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for the record, i did leave the church because i wanted to sin
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I miss having a president with BDE
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friendly girl at the tanning salon asked “what brings you back in” and did not respond well to “seasonal depression”
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ya know maybe starting an instagram for your goldendoodle will save the marriage
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seth rogen’s wife DONT read this !!
...................seth rogen, hello
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narrator: it was not a great day
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winter can make me depressed, but it can’t make me wear a bra
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maybe you think that women complain about their periods too much, but have you even met a fully-grown man with a mild cold?
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every 6 months or so i remember the sims exists and play for 3 days straight no food no water until i get bored and the cycle repeats itself
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WAP stands for:
What
A shame the
Poor groom’s bride is a whore
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I suck at flirting, two hours in and I’m already thinking about what color the window trimmings should be on our greenhouse in the backyard where we grow the brightest little cherry tomatoes every summer and where we try (but fail) to keep the cats from disrupting the fresh soil
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gonna blow your cooch off trying to impress Brock from alpha boner rodeo
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all men who touch their face like this hate women don’t @ me
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Netflix is like “ArE YoU StiLL wAtChiNg?”
Um, no. I’m not watching.
I need to have ambient sound in the background of my life constantly, in order to avoid soul-crushing emptiness???
Duh.
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I thlammed my penith in the tethla door
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