dario
@djampetro
Followers
10
Following
15
Media
7
Statuses
82
Joined April 2013
Never, ever ask a woman if she’s pregnant unless you see an actual baby being born. Even then, act surprised.
18
502
752
Never change. Unless you’re an asshole. Then you should probably change a little.
28
713
722
I want John stamos to show up to my thanksgiving and say 'haaaave turkey'
0
0
6
they say it's the little things in life that count but I've never seen a baby do math
0
1
1
I want chinese food, and a soft pretzel, and basically whatever food I'm seeing or hearing about
0
0
1
it was real hard to get outa this 3 comfortable ass blanket burrito at 6:30am http://t.co/QZk9DDfDSo
0
0
0
doing nothing today but frying up sausages and pierogis, sipping jack daniels, and watching horror movies
0
0
0
getting the last few pickles in big jar is like trying to win a rigged carnival game
0
0
0
how can anybody who isn't spanish not feel ridiculous doing the tango
0
0
1
if I bang my knee off my bed post one more time I'm gonna get real pissed for 15 seconds then forget about it and do it again tomorrow
0
0
1
French bread pizza with chicken nuggets on top for my second breakfast, starting this day right
0
0
0
When I tell stories about people I don't like, I give them ridiculous voices.
45
398
410
my worst fear would be working a drive thru when rusted root placed an order #rustedroot #ecstacy
0
0
1