dean michael unglert
@deanie_babies
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you’re a catalyst to your own happiness | 🐶 forever | 📷 deanie_babies |
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plz don’t tell me he’s about to go ask caelynn to be his gf too
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it’s been 8 days since my last shower. i’m omw to caelynns now so i told her i’d stop off somewhere to clean myself before i get there. she told me not to because she wants to know what i smell like. and i think it’s important people know this.
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me after gaining 15 pounds from not working out or eating healthy over the past 12 months
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victoria p:
“i don’t want to talk to you right now”
*goes and talks with him*
-then-
“i can’t sit right now”
*immediately sits down*
no wonder peter is having a hard time trusting her
#thebachelor
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someone get this girl an oscar!
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i’d do it. but i’d need you to be the first one out of the limo. then i’d tell them to close the gate because you’re all i need.
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happy new year to everyone especially caelynn from the bachelor 🎇🎆
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remember when you were a kid and your body hurt because it was growing so fast. now you’re an adult and your body just hurts for no reason.
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if you wanted to ride in a van, all you had to do was ask
My Uber is a mini van right meow. I feel ridiculous, but I will say that the arm rests are fabulous
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there are so many free activities you can do on a date. collecting sticks, digging holes, seeing who can jump the highest, etc.
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if tyler c isn’t the next bachelor i’ll riot. if pilot pete isn’t the next bachelor i’ll riot.
...basically i’m just excited to riot
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friendly reminder that you are the only person that cares about your fantasy football team. literally no one else cares about your fantasy football team.
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it takes a big man to apologize to a van on twitter. connor is that big man, both literally and figuratively. i stan.
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why does it seem like everyone is making banana bread this week
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😂😂😂
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welcome to the
#dumpedafterhometowns
club, kelsey. it’s not so bad here. i promise.
#thebachelor
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this makes me happier than anyone could ever imagine
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not to be dramatic or anything but frozen 2 is the best movie i’ve ever seen in my life
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hey twitter. i’m newly single so if anyone is interested hmu
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i wouldn’t mind falling in love with
@MikeJohnson1_
’s smile every monday night. i wouldn’t mind it one bit.
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i’ve got a perfect puzzle for you
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how do i delete someone else’s tweet?
I need you to get married and have kids
@caelynnmk
&
@deanie_babies
because you’re so cute and the stunning eyes that you’ll produce!! 😍😍
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when twins are born how are they not constantly mistaken for each other. how do the parents know which is which. HOW.
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this made me laugh harder than it should have
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i wish this video never stopped
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what do i do for whiteclaw?
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As I look back on this year I can either be ashamed of all the weight I’ve gained OR be proud of all the delicious meals I’ve enjoyed
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madi: *refuses at least 2 kisses*
peter: “i have absolutely no concerns right now”
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remember when you’d fake being asleep just so your parents would carry you to bed cuz you’re lazy af
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Got to hug and tell my mom I love her in a dream last night.
Today was a good day.
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Krystal always talks to Arie like she’s telling him a big secret and doesn’t want anyone to hear her. We can hear you. Everyone can hear you.
#thebachelor
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dogs are descendants of wolves: alpha predators who take what they want. but not pappy. pappy just kinda chills.
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i’m going to retweet this every day because i’m unemployed and have nothing but time on my hands
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me: i’m going to use this quarantine to get back into shape
also me: i’ll start tomorrow
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how come i feel bad for everyone. peter, madi, hannah ann, barb...all of them.
#thebachelorfinale
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protestors in dc waving american flags while protesting the results of a democratic election. do they fail to see the irony?
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i don’t like tik-tok and i refuse to even give it a chance
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Me getting out of the limo if I were on Becca’s season: “Let’s do the DEAN thing!”
**gets sent home immediately
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How NOT to be an attractive male**
How to be an attractive male:
Step 1: Put gum behind ear
Step 2: Put gum back in mouth
Step 3: Swallow gum
#MenTellAll
#TheBachelorette
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currently three episodes into The Circle on
@netflix
and i ask myself why the hell I’m watching it at least 5 times an episode, but after every ep i find myself needing to know what happens next. damn you.
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lol you wish
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when someone tells me eating hot cheetos is bad for my health
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DRUNK TWEET: WHY DO I LOVE DOGS AND EVERYTHING ABOUT DOGS. Does that make me a bad person?
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I love how bathrooms here have this water hose next to the toilet incase you get thirsty while in the restroom
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😂😂😂
How great is this show, you ask? It's so great we all just watched a man shave his face and were like, "OH SHIT HERE WE GO"
#BachelorInParadise
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no one:
not a single soul:
me: i just pooped for the first time in 83 hours!! 🙌🏼🙏🏼
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he was a skater boi he said come n pet me boi
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hi caved, i’m dean
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for the record, this isn’t a party vs party election (rep vs dem). trump claims to be a republican only because he knows it’ll win him votes. this man doesn’t represent that party. this isn’t mccain vs obama from 2008. it’s a matter of human rights.
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got my bone marrow extracted today and the doctor said it was the best looking bone marrow she’s ever seen. so suck it, losers.
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i’m sorry, he can’t come to the phone right now.
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instead of calling it ketchup can we start calling it mashed tomatoes
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just watched the ted bundy movie with
@ZacEfron
and damnit i swear i thought he was innocent until he wrote ‘hacksaw’ and oh shit
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Right before Jared left for Mexico I guessed this was going to happen and he denied it! I feel betrayed 💔
Oh also, I’m happy for you two...or something.
We’re all crying now 😭❤️😭 Congratulations to
@ashleyiaco
and
@haibon_jared
on their engagement! 💍
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the only thing better than a headband is a free headband
That cocky feeling you get when someone drops their headband in the mall parking lot right next to your van.
#bachelorinparadise
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**don't laugh and smile ... don't laugh and smile** ... **laughs and smiles** ...SHITSHIT
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really excited for
#bachelorinparadise
this week! i think it’ll really display my emotional depth, vulnerability, unbreakable eye contact, and openness to finding my life partner 💞
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how come if you post 10 tweets in a day no one bats an eyelash but if you post 10 instagrams in a day it’d be weird
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conspiracy theory: charmin is behind the corona virus.
i should’ve invested in toilet paper stock a week ago.
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as a kid i was never taught how much an appropriate amount of shampoo and conditioner is to use. as an adult i’m starting to think a handful of each might be overkill.
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I go to the gym for 3 months until I’m happy with how I look.
Then I take a break for 3 months until I’m unhappy with how I look.
Rinse.
Repeat.
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caelynn just told me she thought the ‘utah jazz’ was the name of utah’s nba dance team
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Justin Timberlake is the coolest man in America
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ppl keep saying i look like an oompa loompa but idk. i don’t see it.
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when i ask a stranger if i can pet their cute dog
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a ‘public figure’ sharing private text messages in an attempt to salvage whatever is left of their fragile ego....
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starting an ongoing pet peeve list: 1) hotel showers that don’t have curtains. how am i supposed to splish splash around and not turn the bathroom into a swamp??
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occasionally people ask me to repost ig stories without text on them so they can use them as a background on their phone so i figured i’d share them here free of text. if you see one on there you want, just let me know!
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Never thought I’d see the day my student loans were all paid off. Not sure what do with myself. Going to eat copious amounts of Hot Cheetos to celebrate
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Most days are fine. Some days are really hard. I really miss my mom 💜
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clever way to get rid of your least favorite candies
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people always asking me and
@caelynnmk
why we don’t follow each other on instagram but never why aren’t we friends on facebook
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i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again.
@WellsAdams
needs to play every role in that beach. bartender, doctor, lifeguard, EVERYTHING
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this aged poorly
i don’t like tik-tok and i refuse to even give it a chance
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ignore the fact you hate my shoes. what color are they?
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i can honestly say that the hardest thing about traveling internationally is the lack of hot cheetos
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we watched moana for the first time this morning. can’t believe i’ve missed out on this modern marvel for so long.
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this is exactly what happened in space jam:
- nba players get sick
- nba is canceled
- aliens invade
- michael jordan saves the day
A second Utah Jazz player has tested positive for coronavirus, the NBA team says, a day after the league abruptly suspended its season because of news that the virus had impacted the Utah club.
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trying to find positives that can come from a 12 week recovery time. the first thing i thought of was that now i can focus on learning the instrument i bought 3 months ago and haven’t played once. anything else?
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two things i’m thankful for today: baby. yoda.
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i don’t ask for much BUT if santa could bring me either a baby yoda or an olaf for xmas this year, that’d be great
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