Dan Hentschel
@danghentschel
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203,678
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A permanent solution to a temporary problem.
Los Angeles, CA
Joined August 2019
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Last Seen Profiles
Drunk and having a hard time figuring out if sending this was a mistake.
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In 2010-2014 people would show you a video and it would be something like this and you just had to politely wait for it to be over.
speaking of colleen ballinger (sorry) i cannot believe this video of hers is still up
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I’m glad you guys liked “cocky want boing boing” cause it got me fired
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At the beach - Where the hoes at?
Cocky want boing boing!
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Some of the "poor person's house" backgrounds I use on calls with my employees. If I match the lighting, angle, and don't move too much they work fairly well.
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Grandkids too busy for burger night Well they won’t have to worry about it anymore.
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Crypto took everything from me.
Now I’m taking it back.
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Fuck capitalism. It is fucking bullshit that a single mother working two jobs still can’t afford rent and I have to evict her.
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Bleach tie dyed my clerical shirt cause I thought it would be cool. Came out looking dumb and weird. Now gotta do 4pm mass Forgive me Lord
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Comedian arrested for tweeting mass shooting threat claimed it was "performance art."
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My ex told me never to come back to her apartment, but she didn’t say anything about Ricardo!
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My grandma always replaces jimmy fallon with the Virgin Mary on her ice cream
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Most cringe thing people say in therapy: “I don’t want to kill myself, but I want to die.” Wow, you’re so cool and edgy. As if I haven’t heard that 10 times this week from someone with that exact same jacket.
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Why are they allowed to do this to people, and I have no recourse?
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At a loss for words.
Arrived home just now and noticed, after a full day.
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I wish I could enjoy the beach.
I wish the screams of children didn’t remind me of being overseas.
But I can never take away what I’ve done.
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Today on my lunch break… I lost it.
I told the car detail guy I had a kid (I don’t.)
The truth is— Capitalism doesn’t care about our mental health.
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Cancelled everything. Way too nice out to spend the day stuck inside with patients.
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Waiting to surprise someone I met at the store the other day
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‼️VIRTUAL SIN FORGIVENESS‼️⛪️
This Video FORGIVES All Sins
**You may now enter the kingdom of heaven**
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School does not do enough to prepare students for the real life problems they will face as adults.
I often add somewhat personal questions on tests and quizzes, and love reading their insightful responses.
They have helped me more than I care to admit.
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My TikTok was permanently suspended.
It's over.
I'll tell you my mistake:
I was an artist. I dared to push the boundaries.
And in our sanitized corporate hell, that is the cardinal sin.
Fine. I don't need them.
Remember my name. You will hear it again.
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My son asked if he could leave a note for the delivery guy. I said sure.
Guess I should have read it first.
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Sitting in my hot car with all the windows rolled up.
I will only get out if someone in this parking lot cares enough to save me.
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I want to apologize to the ADHD people.
I’m sorry I tried to dethrone you from your kingdom of learned helplessness you spent your entire life building for yourself.
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Hard to enjoy Pumpkin Spice Day when this is the reception I get. Don't want to get anyone in trouble but sad to see.
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Maybe now my son will be a little more careful about who he calls “gay” online.
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If Dune Part Two had been a reasonable 1.5 to 2 hours instead of a bloated 3 hour ego fest, I would have been able to witness the birth of my child.
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Trying to go viral on tiktok by reacting to my own tweet
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Y'all, I just had the hottest patient I've ever had.
All I can say is: Boiiiioioioiiing.
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Unfortunately I had to make the very difficult decision today to tase my waitress
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Can people stop fucking saying that I'm in character and doing a bit all thew time. "Nobody commits to the bit like you Dan" What the fuck are you even talking about. Not everybody's whole life is twitter irony bull shit
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This is, without a doubt, the worst day of my life.
I had to find out about my TikTok ban while I was holding my newborn daughter for the first time.
I am putting on a brave face for everyone but it is hard.
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Told hubby I’d be out for the night.
I won’t be.
I’ll be just down the street, seeing what he gets up to with his “free evening.”
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No morphine until you admit you’re the most beautiful girl in the world.
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What would you buy a recently paralyzed 12 year old boy to cheer him up and get his mother off my ass?
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Threw a party for the team at my startup to celebrate what a great job they've done.
Surprise, surprise…. Nobody showed.
Work from home has officially killed the office family.
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I’m a doctor. You’re not.
The only thing you studied for 15 years was your McDonald’s order.
So when you come into my office, sit down , shut up, and do as your told
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Thanks for the engagement! DUMB FUCKS!!!
Hard to enjoy Pumpkin Spice Day when this is the reception I get. Don't want to get anyone in trouble but sad to see.
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Anyone care to explain how I was supposed to be able to tell these were not regular candies before I ate half the bag?
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My partner and I have both agreed to trip on shrooms together tonight. I am thinking this will be a good time to break up.
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Fuck Y’all who told me not to use my phone while driving
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Apparently we live in Nazi China and I can't make an objective observation about a patients attractiveness
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I get turned on when a patient cries.
At first, I thought something was wrong with me. Then I realized-- quite the opposite. It's my superpower.
It's the gift God gave me that allows me to be a good therapist. I don't just care about people's problems. I'm intoxicated by them.
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My partner’s latest accomplishment, in addition to dropping out of college and being a drug addict
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I am a human being. If you think therapists aren’t flawed human beings—just like you— you will never get anything out of therapy.
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I love my wife but she was a little cringe in labor.
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One of the many creative ways I am able to cope with being a new dad
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What does it say about our country that an entire grocery store can see a man in uniform and say nothing?
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"Be thankful." That's rich. Can't imagine what for. Left for a two hour hike and doubt my family even noticed. But it was no use. No matter where I go, I'm reminded of what a horrible place our world has become
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Take “I’m sorry” out of your vocabulary.
And replace it with... “You’re welcome.”
You're welcome I made that mistake. Mistakes help me learn, change, and grow. That ultimately benefits YOU, and the lives of everyone else around me.
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"It was supposed to be a joke!" TikToker arrested for fatally poisoning partner
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Been recording my roommate having sex through the wall.
What I can hear in MY room is fair game.
It’s pretty interesting
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Happy new year.
One more year further into my transformation from happy kid to disgusting loser
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You people know nothing about therapy and need to learn to keep your idiot mouths shut and be grateful when you’re being spoken too by someone more intelligent than you
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