mitch mitchell
@czarmitch
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talk show host and cult leader // he/him
Chicago, IL
Joined May 2011
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here’s a very dark secret. i can’t always tell anthony bourdain and jeffrey epstein apart. so tweets like this can be jarring
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i was worried about having blue hair and pronouns at the rural wisconsin gas station, but the cashier had green hair and was named Newt
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me: *experiencing trauma in my
polyamorous relationship*
her: you know, there’s a reason people don’t do polyamory in the real world
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studies (conducted in my home) have shown that when you sing your cat a little song about how much you love them, they understand exactly what you’re saying, and they feel it in their little heart
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i like this song but it’s mind blowing how she is not even remotely serving
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There are two wolves inside you: one wants long hair because you're gay, and the other wants short hair because you're gay
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a straight woman wears pants and a hat, and these people are like “your honor, she’s a butch dyke”
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this video is like cocomelon to me. it feels so soothing on my tiny brain
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my therapist will say stuff like “maybe limit your news intake when it starts making you depressed and anxious” which is normal advice, but i’m like no you don’t get it, The News is also where i hang out with my friends
social media is like "hey man let's hang out at The News" idk how else to say it
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my little freak baby…sometimes she jumps on my chest and her tail is wet, and i know it’s because she won’t stop doing this
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i explained T4T to my cishet therapist, and she loved it. and then later i was complaining about someone in my community and she was like "that's not very T4T of you..." i was like HEY
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I am a queer elder (had they/them in my tumblr bio in 2014)
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all bars and clubs should sell clif bars and ear plugs, for sensitive little boys who forgot to eat dinner
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i was explaining to my brother why springsteen is a little bisexual with it, and he considered this very thoughtfully, and then he said "honestly anyone who writes songs is pretty gay"
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i hate when people from "california" try to tell me lake michigan "isn't the ocean"
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every hot girl deserves to have two bi guys fighting over her, with homoerotic overtones
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bitch what world is this then??? this was a looney bin therapist too so like. i couldn’t just leave lol
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You, an intellectual: Gender Trouble by Judith Butler
Me, even smarter: Boy Problems by Carly Rae Jepsen
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never seen this show but…save me butch bill skarsgard
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you’re not allowed to say this. but i do think that smoking weed every single day for 4 years was not good for my brain
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“i don’t wanna start T because i don’t want it to make me interested in men” okay it doesn’t do that, and you can also just choose not to date men if you don’t want to. people always seem to forget that
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Tag yourself as these youths I witnessed at the Bernie rally:
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this is how all straight men should dress
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got diagnosed with severe anemia this week. god willing, this will be me once a hematologist calls me back
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*desperate for boypussy voice* and your third rat is named bartholomew?
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Everyone: Armie Hammer is a cannibal omg
Me: Come on guys, that’s gotta be an exaggeration
Armie Hammer:
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there’s a scene where he’s playing tennis in a sports bra and really enjoying his own boobies. thinking about women who get mastectomies for gender affirming purposes, and realizing there are men getting breast implants for the same reason
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talk to me (2023) and evil dead rise (2023) both understand the need for a transmasc doofus who accidentally opens a portal to the undead
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it’s always gonna be achewood
does anyone have any useful sentences that will change my life immediately upon being read?
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t4t is transformative, healing, necessary, holy. it also allows you to be a chaser
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"it's actually VERY T4T for me to be a hater, this is a huge part of our culture"
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I hope all my incredibly maladjusted Tumblr friends from 2010 are doing okay now
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good grief if you keep retweeting this Newt will actually find me
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My IG feed is like
• skullfuccccc: “get to the gig” (grainy photoset of dead birds, no details about gig)
• annaleemay24: “Springtime with this guy 😍💐” (photo of a bleak hetero couple)
• tender_plant_boi: *4-paragraph dissertation on their mental health* (nude selfie)
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if you want to participate in a community, you need to practice approaching people in good faith, understanding that people make mistakes, and internalizing the fact that not everyone is trying to hurt you on purpose
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can anyone explain why i made this at 1 am on a friday night
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when a guy is 6 months on T he’s going to tweet something like “outing myself in the public mens room by washing my hands 😂” and we just have to let him. it’s annoying but it’s a rite of passage
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okay if you're posting your spotify wrapped with "wtf i'm so unhinged 🤪" it better be like real, actual crazy person music. not boygenius and charli xcx
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i’m finally ready to go public with this take:
some of these they/thems are straight
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people on this website are like:
WORST threats to LGBTQ liberation RANKED:
1. bisexual women with boyfriends
2. non-binary people named sock
3. kink at pride
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49. cops
50. corporations
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3943. prison industrial complex
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people arguing about the semantics of the word "transmasc" not realizing that in the real world, dyke transmascs and fag transmascs are having hot gay sex with each other, not arguing
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idk how people are joking about the panera lemonade when the deaths are so sad. he had a chromosomal disorder and intellectual disability, and panera was his favorite treat. it’s heartbreaking
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i’m at a gay bar in memphis; why do they have “country girls make do” hanging on the wall 😭
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yeah yeah problematic age gap relationships, what about problematic circadian rhythm gap relationships?
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anyone who’s like “wahhh how dare a big mean union of angry queers go after a small business 😢” has clearly never worked for a small business. that shit can be even more exploitative than working for a corporation
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being bisexual is extremely gay. but being pansexual is pretty straight
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an 8 year old was like “i thought only GIRLS were allowed at girls rock camp” when she met me, & i was like a) not a soul can clock! & b) how do i explain that some gay guys are kinda girls, & then another 8 year old said “non-binaries are allowed! 😡” like exactly, that works
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my issue with transmasc microcelebrities is that they’re always posting 7000 word essays about their boring ass genders on instagram
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remembering group therapy in IOP when a mousy girl was like “i have to keep my xanax in my purse at all times” and this dude raised his hand and said “she shouldn’t have said that. now i wanna rob her.” and all the doctors jumped in clamoring NO
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what if “tboy” was an acronym that stood for That Boy Over Yonder
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I do kinda miss the Punk Girl Tumblr social circle circa 2010-2013, and I hope all those people are enjoying their testosterone prescriptions now
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i was reading anne rice’s wikipedia page and i was like “damn it’s kinda fucked up her parents named her howard” and my mom was like “maybe she’s transgender!! did she do The Change?” like she was SO excited, her brain was firing on all cylinders
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but HRT can’t just turn you gay. would be cool if it did lol. but taking steps to change your gender/biological sex can change your sexuality, because your relationship to the world changes in general
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they/thems meeting up for brunch
Thinking about Gorilla Television, the signal pirates who used to interrupt Muppet broadcasts on The Jim Henson Hour in 1989
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lily wachowski is WHAT?
Lilly Wachowski is bound to direct “Trash Mountain,” a queer comedy-drama starring rising comedian and actor Caleb Hearon. The film follows a young gay man living in Chicago who returns to his hometown in Missouri following the death of his hoarder father.
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My Jewish Grandma: ...and you know who wrote all the famous Christmas songs?
Dad: the Jews
Grandma: THE JEWS!!!!!
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Ladies, this summer’s hottest accessory is a faggy little boyfriend :)
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i think i’ve said this before, but these lyrics made no sense until i started taking testosterone
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It’s a real “Liza Minnelli saying Being Alive and laughing hysterically” kind of week, isn’t it
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i just watched her tiktoks for like an hour and almost cried. she’s so creative and thoughtful and heartfelt. her recipes are designed to be accessible on so many levels at once, it’s beautiful
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we wanted to introduce him to the snow, but it was a bad idea and it made him instantly insane
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when i get misgendered i’m basically just being punished for having a juicy ass and a bodacious waist to hip ratio. i’d hate me too
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a lot of people, myself included, can get really wrapped up in wanting to figure out exactly what their gender is, but i’ve found it’s better to just let your desires guide you and worry less about words
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i saw my gf on her bike and she looked so hot i almost started crying
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