@JUNlPER one day in high school one of my teachers sat us down and explained that his wife left him, said 'do you know what it's like to have your wife tell you she doesn't love you any more' and we were like 'no sir we are 15'.

Internal debate over how it would be better to get high after I get my stuff done but if I got high now I would enjoy it.

RT @horse_mustard: Is it wrong to have sex with someone you find attractive.

Writing weight loss goals (new tattoo for every 5 lbs down) on the first page of a marble notebook then immediately losing the notebook.

RT @Justin7Credible: If you are depressed you need to isolate yourself so you dont contaminate anyone.

I think there should be guidance counselors for 25 and 35 year olds.

The worst part about not drinking is hugs don't feel good any more.

Rearranging my whole apartment to better display my stuffed animals.

35-45 I tell people I'm 40.45-50 I tell people I'm 45.50+ I tell people I'm 65.

When did hinge start letting you send a warning message to people you match with they have to hit ok on before they can respond.

Can you still masturbate in a kneeling chair.

RT @the_P_God: Waiting for my gf to finish putting sunscreen on me so I can run around the beach and find her cool shells and rocks.

RT @other_st_nick: Bears and worms have almost nothing in common. But gummy bears and gummy worms? Very similar.

RT @_Lexa_v: is this alllowed

RT @yeeeerika: there’s a reason dial up internet screamed when it was connecting.

Has anyone mashed up Dracula and Orinoco Flows yet.

Bet I can lose 30 lbs by walking a little each day.

Who would like like start a Dilbert themed original band with me.

One is the boniest number.

My bedtime routine is to shift into a laying position from wherever I'm sitting at the moment I start feeling sleepy. Sometimes I take my shoes off, not all the time though.

If I was Inspector Gadget one of my fingers would be a bidet.