A teacher once said I'd be no good at poetry due to my dyslexia. So far, I've made 2 jugs, a vase, and an ashtray, so fck you, Mrs Collins 😊

I told him to concentrate on the camera, not me 🤣🤣💙💙

The most fun image & video creation tool in the world is here. Try it for free in the Grok App.

Does anyone have a clue what this is on my leg?? It's getting bigger 🤷🏻‍♂️🤷🏻‍♂️

I sat next to an insurance salesman at a recent Robbie Williams concert, and through it all, he offered me protection. 😉😉. Afternoon 👍🏻.

A man who was in court for stealing a bag took three minutes to get sentenced. It was a briefcase. 😉😉. Morning people 👍🏻.

My wife said she wanted Chanel No.5 for her birthday. She's going to be made up!! All I had to do was re-tune the Freeview box. 😉😉.

A woman walks into a Primark store and asks for a maternity bra. "What bust?" asks the saleswoman. "The condom!!" the woman replies. 😳😳. Afternoon 👍🏻.

My doctor asked me if I "regularly pass water." . "Yes, I replied, there's a river and a lake on the way to work!!" 😃😃. Morning people 👍🏻.

The first one back after a week off, and guys, I really did try but 🤷🏻‍♂️🤷🏻‍♂️

RT @pitbullsad: They are definitely so much better than the human race.

I have an Auntie who is almost Irish. Her name is Iris. 😉😉. Morning people 👍🏻.

Highly recommend the movie 'Sweet Girl' 🫶🏻 Such a good movie 👌🏻.

RT @AndyCostigan1: Only a week to go before the real stuff starts👍💙@nimalen316 @evertongoats @warrenhaughton @duvalladam @paulhayes3 @wayno….

What the fck you looking at?? 🤣🤣

Jurassic Park: Rebirth. 1/10 absolutely dog shite of a movie 🎬.

Finally, after 15 attempts, my wife passed her driving test. I asked her what I could get her as a celebration gift. "Just something cheap to run around in." She said. So, I bought her a pair of trainers from Lidl. 😉😉.

My mum, god bless her, used to say, 'Always give your food a rinse before you eat it.' Lovely woman but terrible sandwiches 🙈🙈. Morning 👍🏻.

RT @pitbullsad: For sure, I have tripped a few times.

I joined a Carpenter's class last night. We haven't made anything yet, though. We've only just begun. 😉😉. Morning people 👍🏻.

Rating movies we've watched this week. I know what you did last summer. fckin shite 😒 2/10. Final destination bloodline. loved it 👍🏻 8/10. Sinners. outfuckinstanding 10/10.

My wife just said to me, "When the kids come up to stay, can you give them a talk on drugs, love?" I said, ."Ok, but I chat a lot of shite when I'm high!!" 😳😳. Morning 👍🏻.