cosmic jester
@cosmicjester
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observations about suburban mediocrity, music, movies, video games, booze, travel, bad jokes, jogging and politics. come for the lulz, stay for the ibis pics
Brisbane, Australia
Joined April 2009
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Americans in replies
‘Cancel him, he’s problematic, he’s Ezra Miller 2.0’
Australians in replies
‘Oh it was Kyle and Jackie O, his reaction was completely justified and understandable’
Jacob Elordi is involved in a police investigation in Australia after allegedly assaulting a radio producer on Saturday.
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There’s something really really funny about the project host asking for the baby to leave for being disruptive during the interview and then going right back to empathising with the mother about being asked to take her baby out during a comedy show for being disruptive.
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I mean Wayne Carey didn’t commit war crimes in Afghanistan so he isn’t even the worst Seven employee
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Breaking. Casual worker with rent to pay and no sick leave in casual role chose not become homeless
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Anya-Taylor Joy wearing an impressive anti-Magpie hat.
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I’m guessing retired baby boomers were not often texted at 7pm on a Saturday back in 1978 to edit a document on the cloud because those things didn’t exist.
WA baby boomers have joined the chorus of voices lashing the Federal Government’s right to disconnect rules as ‘absolute rubbish’, lambasting the new generation of workers as being ‘too soft’.
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lol I’m sorry for ever doubting her.
Gosh it’s going to be a tough cancellation if Sam Kerr really did use a racial slur
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To understand australia racism. A white wealthy tourist drunkenly attacked a poor fisherman completely unprovoked, and the fact that he avoided a serious jail time for his crime is universally reported as a ‘good news story’.
A Noosa surfer is tonight back on home soil after avoiding lengthy jail time for an alleged drunken, naked rampage in Indonesia.
@JessMillward9
@Lilgreer9
#9News
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“They all perform under masks and use pseudonyms so no one really knows who they are. But there are rumours that it includes members of The Wiggles or that they are all schoolteachers. The schoolteacher theory is plausible as their tours lined up with Victorian school holidays “
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Why is every new qld suburb like this, no fucking footpaths anywhere?
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Tony Abbott sure is good mates with lots of sex pests hey
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If it wasn’t for
@6NewsAU
there is absolutely no way Basil’s sexist hot mike clanger would have been picked up. Pretty much the entire Western Australia media in controlled by stokes and no way it would have gotten a run in anything he controls.
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Is there any person in existence that has bigger private school energy than Bruce Lehrmann?
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I just learned that Jeff Kennett split the running of Melbourne’s train network between competing companies to ‘encourage competition’. Did that guy’s brain work? People catch whatever train is closest to their home, how would competition help?
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The fucken power stations have become self aware
A new coal-fired power station in central Queensland has told the Morrison government it could be in jeopardy unless it receives more taxpayer funds.
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Just incredible for nsw police to tweet out ‘there are giant bags filled with cocaine in these locations. Please leave them alone’
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My retirement plan is to falsely get accused or terrorism by Seven News
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“sorry, the old Lyle can’t comes to the phone right now. Why? Because he’s eating shit”
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Why is hatred of bikes an essential factor into the conservative mindset in this country? It’s so random, like having an intense hatred of ducks or cinnamon.
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At what point do we just agree that the term ‘woke’ is used so broadly that it essentially has no meaning? Whenever I hear someone using it non ironically I just assume it’s because they don’t have intelligence to make a cohesive argument about why they don’t like something.
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‘My son illegally modified an electric unicycle to do go 120km, well above the 20km limit, and he put other lives at risk by riding at dangerous speeds on bike paths before he killed himself by his own dangerous actions. Here is why his death is the government’s fault’
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Yes to the voice and no to a proposed protected bike lane. This is peak inner North progressive
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It kinda set the tone for this government when George Christensen spent half of the year as a sex tourist is south east Asia, to the point where he was pinged as a security risk and everyone just shrugged and went “ah well. What you gonna do?”
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I love Melbourne, but Tim Smith is the textbook example of how so much of its politics, media and business is dominated by mushbrained simpletons that only got to where they are because of the private school they went to and their family connections.
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“Meet you at the most romantic spot in the world babe, outside the Queen Street Hungry Jacks.”
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Imagine having 30 relatives inside your house for Christmas? Honestly, I’d rather get covid.
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Wild watching The Castle today. A family owns a detached home in suburban Melbourne on one blue collar income and a second holiday home in the countryside and we are meant to find it funny that they are proud of this meagre achievement instead of wanting much more. Incredible.
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Pretty incredible that after Ben Roberts Smith and Bruce Lehrmann, Seven would find a way to tarnish their own reputation even further. Hope the guy wrongly named as the attacker gets paid a fortune.
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Possibly unpopular opinion. The Australian title of the spoof film Airplane was a better title. Flying High is a good title. Who wants to watch a film called Airplane?
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They should ‘stick to selling food’ by selling Australia Day beach towels? Do you have brain damage?
He believes the supermarket should stick to “selling food instead of virtue signalling and getting on soapboxes”. 👀
Full comments 👉
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I don’t agree with the Australian govt strong arming Facebook to give money to dying media companies but it would be really really funny if Facebook did leave Australia completely. It might even encourage businesses and restaurants to put opening times on their website.
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Cancelling work so you can't get sacked is a straight up George Costanza move. Nothing but respect my prime minister
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Seems a bit unfair to unload all our debt to one random baby born today tbh
Exclusive: A child born today will be paying for Australia’s COVID-induced debt bill until they are 31, according to
@PwC_AU
analysis for
@theheraldsun
.
#auspol
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What is the point of McDonald’s now that they are no longer cheap? If it’s a choice between an average burger meal and a very good Thai takeaway at the exact same price, I’m taking the Thai every time.
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Nothing sums up Twitter more than hyperpartisan weirdoes yelling abuse at some kids for the controversial message that you can be friends with people that you disagree with
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Do your own research, pay your own medical bills.
Singapore is no longer covering medical bills for COVID-19 patients who are "unvaccinated by choice". The Health Ministry says the unvaxxed make up a "sizeable majority" of those in ICU and "disproportionately contribute" to system strain. Keen to know what people make of this?
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Why aren’t punters rushing to my bar to pay $16 for a schooner and $28 for a burger it’s a real mystery
Sydneysiders have been urged to put aside cost-of-living pressures and “hop on a train” into the CBD to help revive the city’s decimated night-life.
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Bluey discourse peaked when in 2019 clementine ford wrote a column about wanting to fuck the cartoon dog dad from the show and then some other opinion writer accused clem of ripping her off an earlier column about wanting to fuck the cartoon dog.
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A bricks and mortar store in high rent areas like shopping centres that almost exclusively sells vacuum cleaners. An item that people might buy once every couple of years at the most seems like a very weird business to have survived until now.
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The government that bid for the Olympics is using the cost of the Olympics to attack the opposition. think I’m having a stroke.
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Youth crime in Queensland really is out of control
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Not that I had much faith on Australia becoming a republic in my lifetime but this really shows just how impossible it would be. The no side will just say stuff like ‘if we become a republic you will have to pay extra taxes to the UN and you’ll be banned from speaking English”
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When you ask your mum not to embarrass you on your first live cross after winning Brighton, and she does anyway
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Just wait till they find out about guns
Nashville is banning electric scooters after a man dies in a scooter accident.
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Andrew Bolt is such a racist, opportunistic scumbag. He’s downplayed covid19 for months, said the lockdown was too severe but he instantly changes his tune when it gives him the opportunity to yell at brown people. Fuck Andrew Bolt.
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@hangingshoes
She’s been doing media interviews all day lol. No one is forcing her. It’s just really really really funny.
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most on the right that want Australia Day to stay on Jan 26 no matter what want that not because of any loyalty to Australia Day or nostalgia, but because they enjoy the day being sport for unending culture wars. a day that brings everyone together is the last thing they want.
I’m guessing the
@victoriangreens
don’t have a ready supply of Australian Flags, so I tried to drop one off at their leader’s office today. 🇦🇺
Happy Australia Day!
#HappyAustraliaDay
#AustralianFlag
#Australia
#AustraliaDay26Jan
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Absolute policy failure that no one is tackling
Utes and SUVs make up entire top 10 in record year of new car sales in Australia
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The pingers guy making vacant homes go viral is both good in that there should be more financial disincentives for leaving homes empty, and bad in that it feeds into far left/nimby fantasy narrative that we don’t need to build more homes as we already have enough.
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Does anyone want to see the menu for a Melbourne themed coffee shop in Tokyo?
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Did Israel just think they could bomb an Iranian embassy with zero retaliation? What goes on in the brains of their generals?
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@HipHopHenae
It’s a good example of how when you are used to something you can tune it out, but also be completely oblivious that those around you can’t just tune it out.
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Why Dutton though? Changing from Turnbull to Dutton to improve your popularity is like taking up heroin so you can quit smoking
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Italy steals our vaccine and then doesnt even use it. There is only ONE retaliation.
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No one man could leave over 30 poos on the same route. There must have been a second pooer, behind the grassy knoll...
#poojogger
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I’m kind of confused by the numerous celebratory tweets for Lisa Wilkinson. Sure, Bruce ended up losing but her reputation is pretty much in tatters after that judgement.
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Facebook should give back Pete Evans’ social media accounts for the duration of the Byron Bay lockdown. The rest of australia needs something to keep us entertained.
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Dr Annaliese van Diemen and the vic govt’s response to the captain cook tweet is a Masterclass in how to respond to conservative attack jobs. The Dr didn’t apologise, respond or even acknowledge the pretend outrage and now the issue is over as there is no more fuel for the fire.
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The white dude harassing a white woman for opening a Japanese food place after he also opened a Japanese food place is a good example of how a certain type of faux progressive dude like to use their politics to morally justify their harassment and hatred of women. Toxic behaviour
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Christ almighty. I used to wonder how Jimmy Saville got away with it, but it seems clear that if you're from high society people will trip over themselves to make excuses for your behaviour.
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Australia in theory: we are a sophisticated food obsessed nation with a deep culinary culture
Australia according to contact tracing. There are exactly two types of restaurants. Thai and RSL.
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“Look at these poor bogans proud of their shitty home” I think as I queue up behind thirty other people to view a two bedroom apartment renting for $650 a week.
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Just picked up a snack from a farmers market in Hobart and was told by the stall holder that it was “Six Dollarydoos”.
I wonder if the writer of that silly simpsons line from the episode Bart Vs Australia has any idea that the term dollrydoos has entered the australian lexicon
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A lot of people don’t know this but if an investment property is sold, the house is instantly demolished and is unable to be lived in ever again
Wow this is a very concerning claim being made by this Professor, I would love to see the evidence!
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Albo’s ‘keep jan 26 but make it a referendum’ thoughtbubble is the perfect example of alp brain trying to focus group their way out of a problem in a way that offends the least amount of voters, but somehow offends just about everyone.
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Honestly this is just the perfect joke. And proof that someone with the name of Dave Hughes can be funny.
What tweet lives rent-free in your head always? Mine is this.
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Peta Credlin’s sole contribution to the public is that she is a daily reminder as at why the Abbott government was such a complete failure.
PETA CREDLIN: If we want the truth from our military about how people were killed in Afghanistan, we must also demand it from our political leaders about why people died in Victoria.
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Politics in Australia makes much more sense if you stop looking at things through a left right divide and realise the battles are generational. The older, established get the govt largesse and policy favouritism and everyone younger fends for themselves
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Just quietly I think Australia in the 20th century was a slightly better place for the worker than the USSR
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@maleapologist
Maybe it’s viral marketing for arj barker’s show and we’ve all been playing along?
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I mean this exact scenario was being predicted by numerous people on twitter, but when a government is filled with people that have never worked a casual job it wasn’t that obvious to them.
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People declaring the death of the Aussie music festival and ignoring that knotfest and good things have had two successful post covid years is very on brand. Heavy music remains consistently popular and sell tickets and brings crowds but still gets ignored by most people.
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If you don’t have any Panadol don’t worry, just do the same trick I’ve been using for twenty years. Just ask literally any woman with a purse if they have painkillers. They’ve all got a mini pharmacy up in there.
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There are melburnians stranded in Sydney with no way of returning home yet we send charter flights in for tennis stars to fly into Melbs from rona riddled nations. And psychotic partisans on Twitter will troll you for hours if you dare say it’s bullshit.
This is fucked up really.
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Everyone mocking him but tbh if I was richer than God I would absolutely be doing this too.
Mark Zuckerberg is in Japan right now making Katanas with Japanese Sword Master, Akihira Kokaji.
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‘I would like to catch the train closest to my house, but I really like the branding and design of the competing train company so I’m going to drive 7km to catch their train’. Neoliberalism is a hell of a drug.
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I get the anger at albo for appearing at the rally when ‘you literally are the government’ but there is no easy legislative fix to end male violence against women. Several decades of law and order elections and increased mandatory sentences hasn’t solved it.
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