colin
@cheeserburger
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26,968
Following
933
Media
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Statuses
37,825
potty humor extraordinaire @goofy_tees
same old sandwich shop
Joined April 2020
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dude no way my land lord just texted me this 😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣💀💀💀🤦♂️
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washing the dirt off this giant brick in the shower so i can keep it in my room
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my president selling merch dawggggg my nation is collapsing 😭😭😭😭😭😭
I’ll ask you nicely to buy this new, color-changing campaign mug.
But I know someone who won’t:
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at the function like "dont mind me" "pardon me" "sorry just gonna sneak past ya" "scuse me, sorry" and other phrases of that nature
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misogyny checkpoint: what’s the first tweet that shows up when you search “women” on your page ?
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"😔‼️"
The missing Titanic submarine is estimated to have less than 20 hours of oxygen left 😔‼️
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i admire 21 savage for hanging out on a yacht with 10 freaky girls. that would be too overwhelming for me
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the underfed baby bird when momma bird finally gets home to the nest
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when you sign every last bit of your autonomy over to a corporation for carefully manufactured D list fame and fortune
When you find a stray tot in your order of fries.
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BREAKING: mcdonald's has purchased new property in roku city 😯‼️
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men do not need therapy. men need a sausage egg and cheese on an everything bagel with a coffee
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Yo Mista white, it's customary to put a little extra dab on the last wing yo. you dont have to if you dont want to yo
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what happens when you cum at an orgy? do you just go sit out and watch like you've been shot in a paintball game and you're waiting for the next round?
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"can i hit the penjamin ? im ripping the penjamin! fatty blinkers on the penjamin"
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mom: i want a divorce
dad: why are you doing this?
me: *unaware of what is going on upstairs* yogurt hits different with granola 💯
my siblings: *all crying at the divorce*
me: *now quote tweeting the yogurt tweet* throwing some fresh fruit in there as well 🔥 yoooo 🤯
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chugging a woman's entire drink at the bar and then saying "you're safe. there is nothing in your drink"
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if your boyfriend doesn't have a mold problem in his bathroom thats your girlfriend
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so basically its a coming of age story about a kid who smokes mostly flower but then his friend gets a dab pen and he starts taking dabs more and then buys his first rig
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this decoration i saw at trader joes today feels perverted. why is it nude
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me about to drop a brick on my head because i am depressed vs me after realizing that love is the answer and everything is going to turn out fine
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when you and bro are on different paths in life but still find time to link up
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how sick would it be to have a giant fish tank in your bedroom with a hammerhead shark in it and ur just fuckin a chick while you look at your hammerhead shark
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you put down like 7 or 8 beers and turn on some young thug thats heaven on earth right there that feeling is second to none
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bro idgaf about lesbians like thats dope you kiss more chicks than me but lowkey fuck you
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bro no way look at this womans hinge bio😭 thats so funny💀i think she's the one
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making one of these animated graphics for all the loads ive ejaculated into the toilet over the years
This is what 40,000 points looks like. Congrats, LeBron.
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me and my homie when we see a pretty sunset (we're not gay btw)
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yo bro hop on microsoft teams we need one more to play meetings
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dude the fact that people suck dildos is so funny like get a fucking grip
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her: ohmy goddd yesss just like that holy fuuuuck 🥵keep going 😩
The Nonchalant Eater: word.
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this chick looks like a dude i went to high school with so i can't get a boner to her because that kinda feels gay
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the face i make at the bartender when he tells me im cut off knowing damn well im about to go pee all over the floor in the restroom
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this adderall shortage is going to ruin my weightloss journey
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you gon suck whatever i pull out of these cookie monster pajamas
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