jake,
@callmeshitto
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probably the water
A giant cross washed up on a Florida beach but no one knows where it came from
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somewhere, 4 dudes are home on thanksgiving break from their first semester of college drinking in somebodys basement sending “back at it” snaps to girls that wont respond. theyre calling it a boys night anyway. tevins mom is making pizza rolls upstairs
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i saw my exs family last night. her parents hugged me and said “im sorry for any pain our daughter has caused you. shes a dumbass. you are so fucking cool and sick as hell and can kickflip and are awesome and also cool. when she realizes it, its gonna be too late.”
woah
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i graduated high school 2010 so it was cool to paint “sen10r” on your car. i just saw somebody with “sen20r” painted on their lexus. i see the education system still fucken rips
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u can load the dishwasher any way u want really. the dishes will get clean. water goes everywhere in there
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today is four years without cigarettes. i miss them every day of my fucking life. also i can run and bike a lot better. but i dont look as cool. hard to say if they’re bad or not
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excited for my first day at at&t as a network engineer supporting national infrastructure. just unplugged a few things in the server room for my space heater. it’s cold in here. should be fine though
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if i won mega millions i would simply give it back and earn it myself. hustle mindset
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⠀ (\__/)
⠀ (•ㅅ•) my gf writing the bad
＿ノ ヽ ノ＼ __ airbnb review
/ `/ ⌒Ｙ⌒ Ｙ ヽ
( (三ヽ人 / |
| ﾉ⌒＼ ￣￣ヽ ノ
ヽ＿＿＿＞､＿＿_／
｜( 王 ﾉ〈 (\__/)
/ﾐ`ー―彡\ (•ㅅ•) me
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its awesome man cant complain thanks for asking boss
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of all the worst things to get called by a stranger i think “bud” has to be the worst one
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i hate using plastic so i pick up my dogs shit with my bare hands. i wish more people would actually care about the earth
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“i know they are 16 but if they want to drink i prefer they do it under my roof in a safe environment”
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happy presidents day to william henry harrison only, who died a month into his term from pneumonia after not wearing a coat during his inaugural address. that is cool as fuck
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normalize taking ur gfs credit card from her purse to place some bets on sports
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yeah yeah yeah friendsgiving. we get it. yall have friends. brag about it a little bit more why dont you
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me at home: i am going to keep the thermostat at a modest 71 degrees
me in a hotel room: do you think this shit goes lower than 59
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my dad funded a kickstarter for this phone. bro look at this shit
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oedipus
You can never go wrong with a boy who loves his mama
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oh hell yeah new chainsmokers song. cant wait to pregame to it with my 3 roommates wearing unwashed throwback nba jerseys then go to the same bar and invade girls personal space
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i need the government to double my student loan debt. ive been getting complacent and want to grind even harder
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this is the dumbest guy alive
Bro doing the most INSANE workouts ever 😯 (via devonlevesque/IG)
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honestly the hardest part of recovering from knee surgery has been not being able to do the stanky leg in the club
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how u gonna go to disney world and be mad that there are kids there lmfao
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packing 8 pair of underwear for a 4 day trip because at 27 years old i am crippled by the idea that it is possible that i could shit myself every day of the week
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yall dont think i read replies to my tweets huh? in my mentions like "choke me daddy". is that funny to you beth
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haha brooke i see where u wished happy national boyfriend day to taco bell on instagram. i get it like taco bell is ur boyfriend. thats wild
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let’s say you brought a juul on the titanic submarine. would it be in poor taste to hit it
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ive never met a person who was lactose intolerant who had any concern for their own life. they will look u right in the eyes and drink milk
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imagine how much you have to suck to have a longtime friend explain this to you
Just got this from my best friend for over ten years.
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oh good cant wait to read why that is unhealthy
Influencer says she was on a 'tapas and cocaine' diet to stay thin — here's why that's not healthy
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pick your quarantine house. i will answer no questions. choose wisely
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82 degrees while im sleeping u gotta be out of ur fucking mind lady
How cool do you keep your house?
New report our shows these as the recommended temps for energy efficiency:
• 78° F when you’re home
• 85° F when you’re at work or away
• 82° F when you’re sleeping
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its actually not at all crazy man
Crazy how Gucci Mane can walk the streets of Milan and nobody notices him. 🇮🇹
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bringing a new energy to 2018. saturdays will still be for the boys, but instead of 30 bud lights kevin is gonna come thru with that new lemongrass essential oil for the diffuser. yeah fire that shit up dawg my chakras been out of line lately
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how many kids have to die from vaping before everyone realizes smoking cigarettes is way cooler and better for you
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impressing women by not holding onto anything while the train stops and starts at the atlanta airport
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hey its me, one of those girls who cant wait for college football!!!! my whole family is racist and i have a dog that i dont take care of
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if you choose to "smoke up" today, just know you'll be "burning up" in Hell for taking marijuana
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how does one just possess 100,000 tires to throw away
One person is responsible for dumping 100,000 tires across metro Atlanta, according to police. Now they need your help to find Donald Leverette:
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groundbreaking graphic design
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oh my god lauren its national wine day we are going to get fugging seriously wasted tonight lol our lives should be a reality show here take this boomerang of me with the franzia
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three thousand dollars on chilis to go. gun to my head you could not get me to publicly post that information
I really find this stat hard to believe... just exported my
#DoorDash
data to confirm, and i spent $25K last year just on that... how is anyone living on $40K/yr ?
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my stepdad leaving me at the baseball field when i struck out at 7 years old
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for my gfs birthday i am going to make her a wig out of all of her hair in the shower drain. no waste household here
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⠀ (\__/)
⠀ (•ㅅ•) my gf separating my
＿ノ ヽ ノ＼ __ laundry by color
/ `/ ⌒Ｙ⌒ Ｙ ヽ
( (三ヽ人 / |
| ﾉ⌒＼ ￣￣ヽ ノ
ヽ＿＿＿＞､＿＿_／
｜( 王 ﾉ〈 (\__/)
/ﾐ`ー―彡\ (•ㅅ•) me
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i cannot think of one (1) single reason why this tweet should have 20k likes
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in the group chat with the bros rn figuring out the best lyric from the new drake album for a squad pic on ig.. also chad got a dui last night lmao nice
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[very peloton instructor voice] i know you guys saw the stock market. that’s so crazy. well today we’re investing in ourselves. it’s called sweat equity. let’s get our cadence to 80 and get ready to climb in 3 2
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i am 6 years sober today. navigating the first few years of sobriety was a hellish nightmare but im grateful to have come out on top healthy and happy. if nobody has told u they love u today, i love u
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how many times u think this truck has been impounded for a dui
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2019 list of hurricane names:
- oaklynn
- paysley
- rhyss
- raylee
- taysom
- kynlee
- keesley
- brynleigh
- maxon
- aaden
- eisalynn
- kaizyle
- reighleigh
- smartha
- jammy
- hitler
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everyone remember to leave out a 30 mg adderall xr and a pack of camel crushes for santa tonight
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the only thing anybody learns while studying abroad is how to delicately weave the fact that u studied abroad into conversation for the next ten years
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if ur thinking about smoking pot on 4/20 the weed wont be the only thing going up in flames. so will our friendship. not putting up with it
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how does this guy not just outright suffocate in pussy
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[ben shapiro watching sports] okay, so, logically, for example, lets talk about the facts, logically, let me give you an example, okay, so,
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current front runner for worst planned cross country trip, congratulations
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lmao cute story about ur dad smashing ur moms cheeks 2 smithereens every two weeks
When my dad was 19 he was driving 8 1/2 hours every other weekend just to see my mom & when I asked him about it all he had to say was “ Trust me, when you know you know “... Just seems like stuff like that doesn’t happen anymore
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My dad is 45, pursuing a modeling career, and I’ve never seen him happier. He told me he’s just waiting for a chance to blow up. So, Twitter, meet my dad.
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id love to put everybody in “to my future wife” twitter on an iceberg and push them out to sea
hey future wife, idk where your beautiful self is right now, but be prepared for a first dance like this..
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hurricane matthew will be followed by hurricane brad who is late cuz he left his fake at home but he's getting a pledge ride
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trying to divide car/truck sticker people into categories, so far ive got:
- super coexist obama 08 leftist
- sorority girl
- outdoorsy granola hiker
- horny for guns guy
- salt life or any variation of such
- old racist
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battery lasts for four days and its shatterproof and waterproof all because this mf wants some BUTTONS im sick
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to kids out there not getting calls from coaches today. u can take my path instead:
- tear ur acl
- be mad
- ignore calls
- play club
- spend 7 years in undergrad
- develop dependency to stimulants
- get over it at 25, become men’s league superstar and niche internet celebrity
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i resent all the propaganda from my childhood that made me think brussels sprouts arent good as fuck
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today marks two years since ive had a cigarette which is cool and good. if ur out there trying to quit i believe in u and if ur not fucken smoke up baby
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im sorry i thought this was america
Don't put USB cables up your dick hole, a Cautionary Tale
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a few years ago i spent christmas in rehab. a couple people i met either went back out or did not make it. i think about them all the time but especially during the holidays. if nobody has told u they love u today i love u
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Former Texas Tech quarterback Tyler Shough (
@tylershough2
) is transferring to Louisville, he told ESPN. Shough, 24, will be a seventh-year senior who turns 25 next year. He’s played at both Oregon and Texas Tech since starting his college career in 2018.
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what
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