a random fact I love is that men in New York apparently don’t know what a fact is

hi @nytimes- why did you run an ad for the Melania Trump documentary during today's Daily episode, which covered Alex Pretti's death? considering the trumps are complicit in his murder, this choice is wildly tone deaf. please be more choiceful in your sponsors and pull this ad.

https://t.co/b2aRWy5TaK

nobody: the richest country in the world:

LADIES YOU CAN’T SAY THE WRONG THING TO THE RIGHT PERSON

been back in brooklyn less than 12 hours and already had a delightful conversation at my favorite bar with a drunk old poly lesbian. i love it here.

if you give a mouse a cookie he’s going to cheat on it with a tiktoker named brekkie

them: there are plenty of fish in the sea the sea:

gonna start saying “how dare you” instead of “bless you” and just see what happens

Just Salad should really be called And Also Salad

BREAKING: logging into email about to get really fucking annoying for thousands of employees

I needed this you don’t get it

ariana and cynthia act like they've had exactly three glasses of white wine every time they're interviewed together

i’m sorry but when the wizard of oz stepped out and revealed himself and it was jeff fucking goldblum that was the funniest thing that has ever happened

Donald Trump announces George Bluth Sr. as Head of Housing and Urban Development

why is every newly-hired-CCO photographed in an alley

but the best thing about it hands down is that Taika is still doing commercial work

okay guys i need to say it...the taika disney ad is so adorable and beautiful but it could have been half as long and would have been better that way 🙈 I'M SRY I LUV U TAIKA

god i had forgotten about the absolute horror of watching cabinet appointments roll in

i love new york because you never know if the person next door is getting murdered or just watching sports

can’t wait to hear John Mulaney’s “Horse In The Hospital 2: Oh God We Let It Back In”