playing candy crush because nothing says I'm a horrible procrastinator like clearin' all the jelly

If you get sad remember Aries exist

Someone reading a book is a sign of order in the world Mary Ruefle, Aries

My husband never looks more handsome than when he’s holding a laundry hamper 😌 #imback

nobody ever told me. when you wake up from a nap. you can immediately start another one. that was something i figured out. all by myself

woke up wanting to be social today so this time change has clearly got me all fucked up #dontletmemakeanyplans #illonlycancelthem

me: sometimes I wonder if you'd love me as much if I didn't have this butt @KtotheAY: Of course I would! You have great boobs. And lovely elbows. #marriage

I will actually pick up a phone and call a bitch to get to the bottom of this bra thing.

i'm so annoyed with bras right now. who actually said "your God-given titties are inappropriate here's an uncomfortable and super annoying contraption to take care of that"? Name and phone # please

i spend like 67% of my life on this game, how you gonna send that fish to THAT jelly of ALL jellies?

I have a question but i only want SERIOUS ANSWERS GUYS no crazy political rants or inexperienced buffoons are allowed to comment. My question is: do you think Candy Crush is rigged? because I NEED TO KNOW

I wrote a bestselling book about living with mental illness. I’m still fighting with insurance to cover my antidepressants. Meanwhile, I could buy an AR-15 in under an hour. I could buy one years before I could even buy beer. Something is wrong here. #GunReformNow

Today I discovered that the secret to happiness is not wearing a bra. To work.

Me: What do you think when you think about me? @KtotheAY: right now? Murder

yeah i totally just watched all 11 minutes of @KylieJenner's pregnancy video thing.

https://t.co/uSMyqU6GDX

“Not-knowing is true knowledge. Presuming to know is a disease.” ~ Lao Tzu

*shows husband picture of me from 8 years ago* Me: look babe I used to be so skinny @KtotheAY: I mean, you're not overweight now. #relationshipgoals

Why go to a crowded restaurant on Valentine's Day when you can have a sexy night at home?

if your boss is out sick that basically means you're out sick too, right?