RT @elonmusk: Rolling out soon, Twitter will enable organizations to identify which other Twitter accounts are actually associated with them.

RT @PaperFury: HELLO TO EVERYONE. except my book which did not write itself last night despite me leaving very clear instructions for it….

Join millions who have switched to Grok.

RT @threetimedaddy: Me: *on the toilet*. 2yo: *banging on door* Daddy!! Daddy!!! DADDY!!!!. Me: I’m downstairs!. 2yo: Oh. *runs off*. Me:….

This is such a lovely result.

RT @CornfieldMeet: The Sunshine rail disaster occurred on April 20, 1908 at the junction at Sunshine railway station when two trains collid….

RT @VancityReynolds: I loved this review of Aviation Gin someone sent me after I wrote it.

RT @MikeDrucker: ME: I’m going to take some melatonin to help me sleep a little better . MELATONIN: *in director’s chair* okay fucked up dr….

RT @joe_hill: I want Netflix to cave and say they’re canceling it so bad. You know what I’m talking about.

RT @PaperFury: HOW TO FIX A PLOT HOLE.• brainstorm ideas!.• tentatively rewrite chapter.• ah ok i see that's created 11 new plot holes.• si….

Yeah sure, I'm going to bed asap, but real quick I need to repeatedly explain to Mister Almost Four that just because 11.45pm, 11.55pm and 12.05am have 5's in them, it does not mean that it's 5am and he can get up and watch tv now.

RT @trollprincess: As tragic as it is that we've lost him so, so young, the fact literally no one has had a bad thing to say about Luke Per….

1989, 3am: I'm hiding under my doona with a book and a flashlight because my mum might come in and I don't want her to know I'm awake. 2019, 3am: I'm hiding under my doona with my phone because my son might come in and I don't want him to know I'm awake.

RT @StevenRayMorris: Why doesn’t Dave Grohl have a podcast?.

Does anyone else ever lament having thrown out that glass Worcestershire sauce bottle because they didn't know it would be their last one?.

Excuse me while I go add "my blanket is broken" to the growing list of reasons my toddler is out of bed #bedtime.

RT @manwhohasitall: RISE AND SHINE BUSY DADS! Saturday is your day. Ask your wife to babysit for a couple of hours so you can clean behind….

I just made the members of my family a chocolate mousse where the core ingredient is avocado. And now it appears I have 3 days supply of mousse #avocado #chocolate #moreforme.

RT @Sandra_Sully: Police arrest Chris Dawson over the murder of his wife, Lyn. It's taken 36 years and every minute has been agony for her….

Thank heavens my toddler had the prescence of mind to wake me at 2 am. I was in real danger of getting the full eight hours this time.