Been far too long and a very very long time coming #freshstart

Those 'person below this tweet' tweets are about as funny as a heart attack.

David Haye is THE biggest wanker in the world

Still waiting on things that just ain't gonna happen #getwithitbarnes

So many girls let themselves down with their horrific eyebrows and bright orange skin

Why the hell do girls try and act stupid on purpose?! #embarrassing

It's quality when you come home from a hard day at work and find your dog has shit all over the kitchen and rolled around in it...

Why's everyone going on about Ibras nose? He gets paid to play football, does things like that and you bang on about his hooter? #leaveit

Swedish police are out in full force tonight. They're after a 6ft 5 man who goes by the name of Zlatan. He's wanted for manslaughter.

Absolutely speechless.

OH MY GOODNESS GRACIOUS, WHAT THE FUCK HAVE I JUST SEEN! BEST GOAL EVER!!

@LBratthammer yeah mate saw them earlier. Usually I can make a joke about anything but that made me feel so ill

Caulker 1 game 1 goal

Seriously can't get over how good Lost is...

@meowphoebz anytime x

@meowphoebz that is sick phoebz! X