You don’t have friends, you have drinking buddies

This is what I keep Twitter for fr. Every other app I get reported

Goin out in public no makeup is so fulfilling. Do I still look like a dying corpse? Yes… but the point is I don’t care ◡̈

Me… drinking straight apple cider vinegar and chewing pickled garlic

I truly just ate straight up raw red onions with anchovies on top. Willingly. On purpose. Not as a bit Who wants a kith

I ain’t gon hold u shawty lol I got bigger worries

Echocardiogram for someone at my age is crazy work

Wordle 1,628 X/6 ⬛⬛🟨⬛⬛ ⬛🟩⬛⬛🟩 ⬛🟩🟩🟩🟩 ⬛🟩🟩🟩🟩 ⬛🟩🟩🟩🟩 ⬛🟩🟩🟩🟩 Fuck u dude

Wordle 1,627 3/6 ⬛🟨🟨🟨⬛ 🟩⬛🟨⬛🟨 🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩 On a roll like butta

Wordle 1,626 3/6 ⬛⬛⬛🟨⬛ 🟨🟨🟨🟨⬛ 🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩 All I post on this app is my wordle stats because yall don’t fwm anymore

“I didn’t hear u wash ur hands… OR flush the toilet” — auntie duties 🙄

I like to sit at a bar with a mirror I can see myself in. Makes the experience more enjoyable. Does that make me conceited? Or more insecure. Don’t answer that

Oh noooo I’m not anon anymore with my PFP here come the unfollows

Soup season? Yes Biting my lips to a bloody pulp season? Also yes

I’ve resorted to just cutting my hair anytime I have any unruly knots instead of brushing them out because ain’t nobody got time for that. What a naughty girl I am

Do you remember when you joined TWITTER? I do! #MyTwitterAnniversary (no one cares)

Just baby birded somethin straight to my dog and he acted so natural about it. Was my dog a bird in his past life. Was I?

A lot of people think that “comedy” just means going on stage and aggressively listing out the most disgusting, tired, cliche, racial stereotypes that you can possibly imagine…but they forget that you also have to do the accents. The accents are kind of the whole point.

Oh fauque

Roomba**