me after the smallest inconvenience

they’re saying there’s 30g of protein in spending a night laughing with your friends

It's always "you have ADHD" and never "thank you for telling me 14 stories in 3 mins"

anyone who gets more than us in a pub quiz is a nerd who takes things too seriously an anyone that gets less is a thicko that shouldnt have bothered leaving the house. and thats simply the way it is

Just signed up for something and the website said my password was very strong. Possibly the strongest they’ve ever seen.

https://t.co/FfK5yBFOiK

It’s her day

“Why is it always hard choices for working-class communities — not for multimillionaires and billionaires?” Zack Polanski calls for a tax on the super-rich on #BBCQT

poop and butt are dating and they met at farts wedding

electric content this

I fucking knew it

Me whispering the password that opens up a trapdoor

Me when I can’t get the hoover to work

academic drag queen named TheSis

Going through old screenshots whilst trying to explain lockdown Twitter and I cannot even begin to speak about the Matt Hancock app

soon as 10:30 a.m hit the McDonald’s workers shov all da breakfast up Dey ass

Pickles are great..until you're in one.

https://t.co/Zegc7mElGU

poly people be like: i wonder when i’ll find The Two

forgetting you’re at a bottomless brunch and walking over to your mate to ask how much more free prosecco we’re allowed