People who forget to eat are amazing to me. I miss one meal and I’m burning bridges with immediate family members. I miss two that’s organ failure, total body and mind shutdown by the end of one calendar day

This is Meatball. He's going home for the very first time. So excited to have a human of his own. Thinking about what he's going to call you. Maybe Bob. 12/10

me when the doordash person knocks instead of just leaving the food there

sorry I never answered your text. I put it off for a day and that day spiralled into multiple days and then it became A Whole Thing

The longer you watch the better it gets

Omfg… 4 days ago I went FULL KAREN MODE because I thought my DoorDash driver jacked my food. I texted her and called her like 6 times and she never responded and my food was nowhere in sight but today my bf texted me

I SAID where the fuck all our money go 😂😂

@ChipotleTweets I don’t make the same mistake twice. Thanks @qdoba!!!

Yes my name is Karen

Dear god someone please play Warzone with me

my 2-year-old just said "daddy why don't these people understand that getting banned by a private technology platform is not an assault on one's 1st amendment rights since it does not constitute punishment of speech by the government" and i was blown away

Finally being recognized for all my hard work 😭🙌🏻

This is @jclubb77 and I's relationship except I'm the one always yelling 😬

@kendraaaleighh don’t do it you don’t want engineers. can be book smart but they’re life stupid. barely any emotions

We need a President who isn't a laughing stock to the entire World. We need a truly great leader, a genius at strategy and winning. Respect!

Who is cutting onions?

How you not gonna let him win?? 😂

I will never forget listening to this on my way to prom with @dougie505 and we both just screamed out "HE DOESN'T LOOK A THING LIKE JESUS"

You gotta be a whole new type of stupid if you choose to believe Donald Trump over scientists and medical professionals