Claire Penis
@ZeroSuitCamus
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Teacher, Scholar, Educator, Shaper Of Minds
Joined January 2017
The hosts of the podcast Seeking Derangements moments after concluding the greatest live show of all time
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Whoever decided this iPhone emoji should be half cut-off is honestly the greatest artistic genius of our time
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This is the greatest video ever made.
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There used to be an MTV show called Bully Beatdown where a professional MMA fighter would fight someone’s bully for a $10,000 prize and there was one episode where the bully actually kicked the MMA fighter’s ass and they had to give him $10,000 and I think about it all the time.
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This guy lives in the apartment next door to me. I hate him so much.
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Crying laughing who is Norville.
First posters from HBO Maxʼs R-rated animated series 'VELMA' have been released.
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NYC hospitals keep calling me like “Heyy you owe us like $11,000” and I’m just like “. ok” lol.
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Can you tell him to stop? I took an edible ❤️🩹.
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One of my favorite pieces of insane movie trivia is that the jaw-snapping helmet in Saw was 100% real and actually functioned lmao
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Finally. A calculator.
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At this point I would give up tbh.
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Every time he pops up on my timeline I think it’s Ariana Grande’s boyfriend.
Sag Harbor cop who didn't recognize Justin Timberlake during DWI arrest is unmasked as rookie Michael Arkinson. and he's been infuriating the Hamptons elite for months
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Their boss watching this tik tok from Tijuana and his heart just dropping lol.
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Yves Klein Blue Monochrome. Here’s a high school class on a field trip staring in complete awe at it. They made fun of every other painting on the floor but when they got to this one they just kept repeating “it’s so blue” “how is it so blue” “it’s so fucking blue” etc
If you see this tweet, you have to mention one of your favorite paintings. I saw Ivan the Terrible and His Son Ivan at the Tretyakov Gallery in Moscow. It’s huge and fucked me up.
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You’d have to be a spiritually sick individual to get mad at this.
This will be such a great memory for them. Just the pure joy of childhood. My heart 🥹😭💕
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“Business school” sounds so made up. It’s what a kindergartner would say if you asked them where dads go all day.
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Not to split hairs but any army is they/them like that’s just how you refer to groups of people
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Correct me if I’m wrong bc I haven’t seen it yet but I think he does other stuff in the movie too.
Keanu Reeves said just 380 words in "John Wick: Chapter 4," and he reportedly made $15 million. Trusting reports of his pay, that's $39,473 per word.
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Just remembered that the rescuers were able to drag those Thai kids through three hours of pitch-black claustrophobic underwater caves bc one of them was a veterinarian who suggested they inject the kids with syrettes of liquid ketamine every 45 minutes during the rescue.
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Bro that’s not what I said, I said *exorcise* your demons. Now they’re fucking jacked, this isn’t good at all bro.
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So funny to pick a movie that ends with the assassination of Adolf Hitler.
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SHE WAS JUST IMAGINING THEM?!.
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Sabrina Carpenter’s insane laugh in her commercial for the Paris Olympics has convinced me that she may secretly be a Capital “A” Actress and in 10 years she will have two Golden Globes and one Oscar nom
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The most tapeworm’d up individual I’ve ever seen.
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If you’ve never gotten high and looked up top 40 pop music charts from the 1900’s and 1910’s I would highly, highly recommend it. Just almost passed out laughing bc Row Row Row Your Boat was on there.
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She can’t even make eye contact with her phone lol.
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Toddler 1: what are we gonna do?? Im still hungry from yesterday…. Toddler 2: lets say we want grilled cheese. There’s no way she can spend 4 1/2 hours making grilled cheese. The trad mom:.
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If I was his great-granddaughter I would gingerly place two tabs of acid on his tongue and whisper “Nicaragua” in his ear over and over for an hour.
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Biblically accurate Angel.
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He heard there was a 14 year old girl up there.
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how did he die?.
Skull of a Roman solider who died during the Gallic Wars, 1st century BC. Museo Rocsen in Argentina.
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My aunt Gromit finally achieved her dream of going to space camp! She couldn���t go as a kid because she was in a facility for drowning her friend but she just graduated and the way the kids cheered her on was inspiring! 🥹
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My son asked me if he was gonna die someday. I told him “no” bc honestly I’m really not in the mood. Hope I did the right thing.
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*tarot reader reveals this card* now I know this looks bad,
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If aliens came to earth and we explained all our technology to them I think they would get really hung up on helicopters. They would be sending videos of helicopters to their friends on Venus or whatever like “they get into these fr. I’m not kidding”.
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Last night a guy asked what my Twitter was so I typed it into his phone and he had me muted lol.
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People will come on here and say anything. “He’s a 178 years old” no he’s not.
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He’s like 120% tapeworm at this point. This is like…. the tapeworm equivalent of three kids in a trenchcoat and fedora going to hooters giving the waitress $5 and saying “one kiss, please”.
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Genuinely, unironically very sound advice for white boys???.
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Not really.
The Flipper Zero has an app called "Key Maker" that allows users to copy the cut pattern of some physical keys. Scary isn't it? .
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SHES TRANS?!!?!.
Hunter Schafer says "I’ve gotten offered tons of trans roles, and I just don’t want to do it. I don’t want to talk about it.”. "Now I just want to be a girl and finally move on. I know for a fact that I’m one of the most famous trans people in media right now, and I do feel a
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Knowing how to do the moves in a fighting game is literally cheating.
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Honestly I think before someone makes fun of JoJo Siwa they should be forced to watch an episode of Dance Moms I do not think people understand that they were doing Henry Murray MK Ultra psychological torture on those 9 year old girls with their moms in the room silently watching.
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Not only did Conan secretly pay the salaries of all his striking employees out of pocket during the 2007 writer’s strike, he also kept the show going with incredible bits such as this, where his producer who is obsessed with Italy took him to his favorite Italian restaurant
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I’m on a delta flight rn in first class and I think the guy sitting next to me just offered me $100,000 to suck him off?.
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It’s a little spooky that the world’s youngest person was born right after this happened.
The world’s oldest living person, María Branyas Morera, has died at the age of 117. She was the eighth oldest verified person in human history.
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This reply is to this day prob the funniest thing I’ve ever seen on the internet
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Whoever picked the Sprite Drake image deserves a raise.
Drake’s new diss track, “Taylor Made Freestyle,” features AI verses from Tupac and Snoop 🤖
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Fun fact about Barbara Kruger is that she never said a word publicly about Supreme very explicitly stealing from her until Supreme sued someone else for stealing and hilariously wrote that the person they were suing’s work was “too similar to Barbara Kruger” in the lawsuit.
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I just found out people with ADHD are stupid. That’s why they seem flaky or distracted, they’re just not as smart as normal people.
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I’m not the strep throat I’m the throat that strepped up.
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It's Been 10 Years Since Zendaya Wore This Large Hat to the Teen Vogue Party.
It's Been 10 Years Since Zendaya Wore This Large Hat to the Teen Vogue Party
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It’s crazy that in 1998 they found 10 dissected bodies (4 adults, 6 children) buried in the backyard of Ben Franklin’s London home, all forensically dated to have been buried at the time he was living there lol 🥴.
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SHSKDHDKDHDKDJKDDHDLHFDKFHDLNDLFLFJDHDLDKDHDLDDsjddhslbkdhsdlsjbdkjd.
i haven't watched the good doctor but this clip is unintentionally hilarious
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I literally cannot stop laughing.
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He looks fine he’s 85 what do you want lol.
Jack Nicholson, 85, looks disheveled on LA balcony as he's seen for first time in TWO YEARS
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My fave detail about this video that I just noticed is the one second shot of the dog where it briefly begins levitating 2 inches off the ground.
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Funniest thing about this movie is that most of his problems aren’t even caused by him being invisible they’re just a function of him being very rude and unpleasant.
The Invisible Man (1933) starring Claude Rains as the mad scientist, Dr. Griffin
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This user has hidden this tweet from virgins. L͟e͟a͟r͟n͟ ͟m͟o͟r͟e͟.
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My big conspiracy theory that I believe is that this YouTube guy does the egirl nose makeup
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[guy who is not a pedophile but has the exact same car watching this] FUCK!.
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Imagine going to the club in 1970 to hang with your friends and a band you’ve never heard of called Kraftwerk is playing and they ruin your night by inventing techno music
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As a former sound recordist I can confidently say this is the most unbelievable piece of IMDb trivia I’ve ever seen
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That’s literally The Newark Ripper. 11 confirmed victims including one of those children.
Life in America 50 to 100+ years ago 🧵. 1. A genuinely happy looking family, 1959
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One of my fave parts in the New Testament is, right after Jesus dies, I think in Mark and Matthew, all the Roman soldiers who crucified him more or less put their hands on their heads and go “oh fuuuuuuuck” lol.
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Azealia Banks telling Grimes she smells like a roll of nickels and has no bone marrow.
What’s an insult you’ll never forget?.
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*after standing with good posture for 10 seconds* no this can’t be right.
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Hillbilly Elegy is so funny, writing a book dripping with empathetic language where you’re ostensibly trying to get to the bottom of why everyone in your hometown including your mom is an unemployed drug addict but arriving at the conclusion “it’s because they’re lazy”.
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My dad and I watched this movie on demand in total silence after he found gay porn in my internet history when I was 12.
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GASTON GLOCK?!!?!?!!?!.
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Idk man it seems like you should probably know tho since it’s what your entire account is about.
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“What’s even the point of Catholicism”.
Pope has luncheon with trans group. So funny. What’s even the point of Catholicism? Feel guilty for touching yourself and then listen to the man in the dress tell you to submit to gender ideology anyway.
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I thought that was ET laying next to her for a sec.
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Sorry to Christopher Nolan for ever thinking every single cop in Gotham City going into that one tunnel at the same time was unrealistic lmao.
#BREAKING: Riverside County Sheriff’s deputy shot to death In California, massive police chase with the suspect underway on the 15 Freeway. There are reports of shots fired. #BreakingNews
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You don’t understand The Bible until you understand that there are tens of thousands of scholars throughout history who have literally dedicated their lives to being this meme but for the three words before God appears
started reading the Bible and it just starts with God being there already. Interested in a prequel series about how he came to be.
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Using an AI image of him bc he looks like shit in every real image is so funny.
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Just captured this from the front window of my Uber. Unreal. Hope Chelsea is okay 🙏
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My grandma told me she tried riding on the back of my grandpa’s motorcycle once and everyone in their village in Sicily threw rocks at them.
–Your grandma wore very short mini skirts, thin panties, high boots, and no bra. –She listened to Led Zeppelin, The Beatles, Janis Joplin, and Rolling Stones. –She rode on motorcycles and fast cars. –She smoked tobacco and other things.
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Guy chalking the end of his penis like a pool cue before he fucks you.
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When Otis dropped, Funk Flex was so hyped he did like 60 spinbacks and then said the funniest thing anyone has ever said on the radio
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The Ad Professor.
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LETS GO BABY NEW YORK CITY NUMBAH ONE!!!!! GREATEST CITY IN THE WORLD BABY!!!!!!!!.
New York City now has the worst air quality of any city on Earth. If exposed to the current air quality in NYC for 24 hours, it would be equivalent to smoking about 6 cigarettes.
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