Dear 17 year old me about to go on her first London Pride March ever. Don’t worry, it’s going to be great. In 30 years you are going to be so comfortably gay you’re gonna shit rainbows. Happy Pride x
Love
Yanny x
My 12 year old niece just told me that Grease IS a great movie. But It’s just a shame Sandy has to change everything about her just so a boy will like her. And the SHE (my niece) would never do that. BOOM. That’s when I exploded with pride.
#lovewhoyouare
Three years ago today I found out I was one of the 12
#GBBO
contestants for the 2017 season. This is me finding out while I was in Lidl doing my weekly shop. How times have changed.... look behind me ... a shelf FULL of toilet roll!
A few yrs ago I told my bosses I wasn’t coping well with the stresses of work. They did nothing to help, so I quit.
I applied for GBBO & got a new job. I have never been happier. Remember Ur worst day can actually be the start of your best days. Never give up, never surrender X
Hello Chinese couple on the bus who recognised me but didn’t speak to me but spoke Cantonese in a bid to keep your conversation secret. I understood every single word and thank-you that’s very kind and I was in last year’s bake off.
Dear 16 year old self who has just been told by a career’s advisor that you don’t have the academic qualities to become a scientific researcher.
One day your name will be on a paper in The Lancet.
Me trying to work out how
@britishgas
doubled their prices because it was costing them more to supply because of the war in Ukraine but then announcing record breaking profits of £3billion
Family of meerkats selling you insurance ✔️
Family of metal aliens selling you dehydrated mashed potato✔️
But can’t relate to a black family celebrating a wholesome Christmas with delicious gravy.
Am I having a cheese dream?
🤷🏻♀️
My three year old niece drew a picture and my sister decided to crochet it. It was too good not to share. BTW when asked what it was, Lexi said “Princess Poopoo” I’ve never been so proud.
Walking home from work I pass people stripping the shelves bare and teens in the street pretending to vomit on each other and I’m not gonna lie, I’m wondering why we’re working so hard trying to save some of you.
NHS staff have enough to do. Stay the fuck home you selfish pricks
Christmas Day was a very special one in our house. I gave my family the gift of an interactive bake off complete with signature, technical and showstopper to eat during the ad breaks.
My brother says if I’m ever in silent witness, he might skip the watchalong.
Newsflash: the bakers HAVE NO SAY on who gets eliminated. Yes you are entitled to your opinion. But if you @ a baker and say they should have left is equivalent to ringing their doorbell and shouting it at them on the doorstep. And that’s not cool.
#bekind
Things they don’t warn you about when you go on
#GBBO
. You can never, ever again pick up a pack of
@CadburyUK
mini rolls in the supermarket without someone saying something like “surely you can make those now”- next season’s bakers- take note.
I took up running using the couch to 5k app. It’s the one where you can choose
@SarahMillican75
to talk to you when you run. Its been great but It’s week 7 and I’m finding it a bit tougher and was wondering if there is a sweary version to get me motivated.
#swearysarahmillican
I made some Wookiee cookies to celebrate
#starwarsday
. Why are they all Wookiee cookies? Because they’re a little Chewie..... no you shut up
#May
the4thbewithyou
Me: winter , finally! I don’t need to shave my legs
2 year old niece : eyelashes? (Pointing at my toes)
Me: *sigh* Alexa, put Veet on my shopping list
Alexa: I have put feet on your shopping list.
*Dies a little inside*
Stranger: Hi, how are you?
Me: I'm fine, how are you? Stranger: Good. How's the family?
M: oh,the same.Yours?
S:.... um
M: you're trying to remember why you recognise me don't you?
S: No, I've got it. You're my yoga instructor. Lovely to see you again.
🤷🏻♀️
I didn’t know what t get the wife for our anniversary so I designed a dessert called “The Mrs Marian”
Crushed biscuit base, peanut butter caramel, fresh banana, plain chocolate swirls, vanilla chantilly cream and crushed honeycomb.
Happy anniversary my love
@mazsmatthews
😘
I have an idea for a podcast where I interview guests whilst we eat their favourite sandwich, which I have made for them. I want to call it BITE CLUB. I think I might have said too much....
#firstrule
Hmmm, or ahead of my time. I don’t buy what I don’t need, I travel using no carbon emissions.
If by cheap you mean owning my own house in London, mortgage free and paying for it by working hard from a job in the NHS by the time I was 45, then ok.
#youdontknowmeatall
Looked up a recipe for a spiced biscuits and ingredients included Belgian Candi sugar and Ceylon cinnamon. WTF? I’m using brown sugar and the bottle of mixed spice in the back of the cupboard with the questionable use by date(don’t judge me- we’ve all done it!)
So I have an app to tell me when the bus is due, and an app to tell me when the train is due. I need an app to tell me when the ice cream van is due.
#stillwaiting
#99
#mrwhippy
Me: Just a casual Saturday night hanging out with some mates at a book launch of
@kimjoyskitchen
new book you know, no biggie
Also me: wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Super excited today as am due to see my Dad on the opening credits of Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom- He’s Henchman number 1 BBC1 18.25 (I haven’t hugged him since 9th March but FaceTime is always fun what with him being deaf and shouty)
What is the weirdest coincidence you have ever experienced?
I haven’t seen my old school friend in over 40 years. Within a week of mentioning her name to my wife, I meet her at a random bus stop and find out we have lived within 5 minutes of each other for 4 years.
#thematrix
Just finished wrapping my little niece’s present. She’s only three and yet asked for furniture for her room. I hope she’s surprised when she opens it. It was a b’stard to wrap
Does anybody else try to just eat the contents of their fridge and freezer and not buy anything new the week before their holiday? No? OK, Just me then ( just had half a cucumber and two tubs of ice cream for dinner)
If you’re offered the CoVid vaccination ahead of their friends and family - stop feeling guilty- you’re saving our lives by NOT catching it and NOT passing it on.
Stop being a prick and take one for the team 😂
So
@LittleMix
jade has made a multicoloured melted sugar screen and biscuits matching the skin tone of her and her band mates-
She is NOT an average baker!
#GBBO
#SU2C
Me trying out my new touch control hob: Press button with finger. Nothing.
Go and wash hands, wipe hob clean and try again.
Nothing.
Repeatedly jab ‘on’ button.
Nothing.
Accidentally graze button with my left boob whilst leaning over to get a closer look. *bleepbleep* on 😳