wank williams sr
@WankWilliams
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Never understood girls liking guys butts. Not like they want to get in there. Do they? Will they go in there
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Deeply pondering what age I'll be when I give up and marry a life laugh love girl with a gum smile
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Deeply pondering what age I'll be when I give up and marry a life laugh love girl with a gum smile
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I’m all in
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Male pattern baldness and a record setting dick
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We gotta stop wasting space on cemeteries. Everyone in 1 hole
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This is what 4 beers feels like
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Got summoned to jury duty. Fine. Not gonna be sober tho and not guilty no matter what
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“She’s not coming back.” She will. She will if I post good enough.
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Jacking off and shaking my head so everyone on the bus knows I think it’s gross too
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Put me in coach I’m Ready To Die
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911 operator: a chinese version of yourself?
Me: yes ma’am
911: you’re following him?
Me: yes ma’am in pursuit
911: what? stop immediately. What’s the crime?
Me: *scuffling noises* cmere *scuffling* who’s your sensei *scuffling* *gong crashing*
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This or something similar, more likely than not, is going to happen to you and people you care about eventually. We all start slowly declining in our later years if we’re lucky to make it that far. So don’t waste time, don’t mince words. Call your ex today
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Clogging her toilet and trying to cover it up by throwing my shirt in and saying I wanted to see if it would go down
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Had a dream last night I made amends with my father and found god. How do I go back to nightmares instead
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There are cathedrals everywhere for those with eyes to see
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Thank god that tweet went off I was about to kill myself
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Since I’m 30 and being a drug addict isn’t cool anymore I gotta come up with a new personality. I got an assortment of products to try skincare guy, I could fully commit to blue collar guy, plan c is wife guy, and the backup plan is stay drug addict and date younger
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Smoking a pop can bowl after your parents went to bed and this >>>>
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You never see two bald guys fighting. There’s an unspoken bond
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As an American I need to be entertained every second of every day
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POV: there’s ice and snow but you gotta keep that rig rollin
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This was one kid you didn���t want to see around your daughter or your medicine cabinet
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A young white boy takes to an F.150 like a Mongolian child to a horse
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Lemme fuckin put you on to something bro. Don’t say uncle wank never did nothing for ya
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Tired of all the fake sloppers out there. I promise you’re not sloppin like me. I really do this shit it’s not a game
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Lots to bitch about but instead I’ll just internalize it and unload the rage in traffic tomorrow
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Your son would be in junior high by now if you knew how to merge, that’s gotta sting
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Every time a road rage shooting gets brought up I take the shooter’s side
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If you don’t have a fluffy little black cat you’re missing out
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If you’re not scared every time you merge you’re not doing it right
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I’m the Michael Jordan of taking a chance with a new vape flavor and it tasting like fucked butt
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(waking up from a nightmare) whew that was a close one
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If you don’t have some kind of serious addiction you need to grow up
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(so horny I should be crucified) what kind of music do you like
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Money: gone
Bills: maxed
Payday: next week
Dick: hard
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It’s legal to do any drug if your girlfriend does it with you. Police can’t do anything
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(waking up to twitter still functional and my cock pic still on the tl) sorry my toddler took my phone that’s his
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why would i want a formidable opponent, give me the weakest guy
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The discontent is palpable. You could cut it with a knife. You could fuck it
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You should be knocking old people down a peg every chance you get
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Just learned about jacking off. Tonight is going to be epic
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If I don’t get some titties in my face soon I’m gonna start making it someone else’s problem
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Walking past Walmart security with 2 Christmas hams stuffed up my shirt
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White girl from tinder: Lakes are so weird. Like ok there’s a puddle here? Lol clean it up
Me, 7 drinks in before she got there: For sure. Fuckin gross. How fast can your car go
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Going back in time to give this to a medieval peasant and watch them turn in to Gollum
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Decided to quit fucking around and buy the gallon of chocolate milk
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People that religiously follow the speed limit will be the first to die in the apocalypse. Because they’re
#1
on my list
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Eating cold, leftover steak and potatoes out of tupperware in the truck on the job site like a real American. My boss sees me on my phone and punches me in the forehead. I’ll do this every day until a heart attack takes me at 55
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[Undercover cop's first day in pedo group chat]
Cop: ayy you guys ready to goom some minors this weekend?
Cop: goom
Cop: groom
Kidfukr65: this mf said goom 😂
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Drunk: I love everyone, everyone loves me, building connections is the purpose of life
Sober: there are zero non-emergency reasons to contact me
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So sick of cancel culture. You can’t even poop your pants in the mall and start crying and slip on the doo doo while running away without attacks from the woke mob
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