When you’re texting a dude and he seems into the convo, initiating, asking questions, but takes like 25 minutes to respond to you each time and you’re like WTF DOES THIS MEAN WHAT ARE THESE GAMES? They’re video games. He’s texting you in between rounds of video games.

Elmo?!

I love my child more than anything. I would lay down my life for him. But I would not give him the best bite. The next bite? Sure. As many bites as he wants in fact. But the BEST bite? That’s mine.

I’ll drop just one feed a day at 9 months. 8 months and 26 days:

please @nbcsnl, i need a severance sketch with adam scott and tig as an innie and outie having a fight with each other

Respectful parenting is wild bc on one hand, my kids will learn empathy bc they’re being *taught* empathy, and not bc it’s their responsibility to emotionally regulate their mother, but on the flip, they won’t have enough trauma to make them funny, so I’m not sure it’s worth it.

Chili sun, Bandit moon, Muffin rising

new and improved! the same 2am “you up?” text, but this time with a crying baby to another mom who may or may not answer you from the void

when i offer my baby my lower producing breast and he pulls off, crying, until i give him the higher producer

you called?

what i feel like i’m doing to my baby if I lay him down on the bed but haven’t removed all pillows and blankets

me, at both the beginning and end of my pregnancy

me, moments before they said “nah, let’s do a c section”

what if I told you I wanted a gay son AND a thot daughter

If only there was a moderate-coded, extremely good communicator who is both good on Fox News and has a backstory that could mobilise liberals, who could be parachuted in at the convention.

I’m sorry, but I will not rest until it’s revealed that Chris Messina is Daddy Bridgerton. New York Italian accent and all.

you know, when I see a “this is like Germany right before the Holocaust” tweet, it’s not usually taking Hitler’s side, but here we are.

that said, yelling AT someone or berating them or name calling is wrong. but yelling your feelings/experience is good and healthy and I think more people should do it. and I think the people who can’t handle someone else yelling need to work on themselves. sorry!

we are just so comfortable policing emotion in this country that “we shouldn’t yell” is practically accepted as fact. why tf not! you’d never say “we shouldn’t cry” we SHOULD yell. anger is an emotion just like any other and we should let it out!

really honestly…. what’s wrong with yelling? I don’t get it. yelling is the natural expression of anger just like crying is the natural expression of sadness and laughing is the natural expression of joy. i’m sorry, but it’s good for you.

i wish facebook marketplace had a comment section bc where do people find the audacity?