A poem by my wife: The tall pine is uneducated The green know not French, Latin,Greek mythology, nor philosophy And yet pruning of the daring sprout–– A formidable thicket forms Glory is for surrender not survival for these green ones They are the rare That give their fruit

https://t.co/St8YRtnFbi

https://t.co/dVXM73Xkiw

Today many Americans will attain that elusive goal of shitting pure meat.

Someone tell @DalaiLama to quit being a dick and follow back

I feel like senility is going to be a pretty smooth transition for me.

I'm just going to put this right here...

Today I called a rotting grapefruit a jerk.

Awww. Look at the KermIt Cenobite! #horror.

You may not think it's funny, but I found this humerus. #horror http://t.co/tXhwL9QrMx

If someone says you look familiar, tell them you're in porn.

http://t.co/EOVFqIxsr2

mariah careys song 'always be my baby' was about the lobotomized adult baby she kept in her attic

what

my cat is constantly recharging on crystals and is extremely powerful

@goat_wang

same

If I say, "Don't worry, I'm on it," there's a 98% chance I'm referring to my couch.

@KelFocker's favorite bedtime story! http://t.co/LPMdhji7zD

Today is the first day of your miserable, fucked up life.