My new rule for dating a chick is she has to be eligible for DraftKings and FanDuel deposit bonuses. If she's had an account in the past i'm swiping HARD left.
The new breed of sports bettors who never had to mail in money orders to rando islands in the Caribbean and weren't on first name basis with their Western Union agent are all soft it seems. Imagine asking 5Dimes Tony for a refund because Christian Watson is a made of glass.
And for the record i’ll never sell my $AMC stock. Had my first handjob at one of those theaters. Sentimental valuation for me is $69 so its still a major bargain
#LongAMC
To be a UFC fighter you have to overcome:
-Broken scales.
-Potentially tainted supplements.
-Trained killers.
-Empty bank accounts.
-Sal D'Amato.
What a fucking life.
I think Poland should make Joanna and Jan breed for science. Their kid will headline Fight Planet in 2069 vs.
@BlessedMMA
's kid Rush. Thank about it
@danawhite
Bellator is seriously FUMBLING THE BAG. Just asked my barista at Starbucks how pumped she was for McKee/Pitbull 2 and she had zero clue what I was talking about. Venti sized fail
@BellatorMMA
Told a girl I was watching Cocaine Bear this weekend and she asked if she could come with. Said sure.
Wait til she finds out I was talking about Jon Jones.
Dan Campbell going for it from the 7 was just him tilting. It's like when you experience a bad beat and end up betting Australian soccer without thinking. It happens.
Happy new year
@danawhite
. Here is a real challenge for you…
I will immediately retire from boxing and fight Jorge Masvidal in the UFC if you agree to:
You aren't grinding as a sports bettor til you pay for $8 internet on the plane that moves slower than dial up to place a bet. Clicked too many times because the site wasn't responding and now have a 6U bet. Will be jumping out of the plane if it loses so it's kind of a freeroll.
Going to start dropping some fun facts about the
#UFC274
card to get you all hype for this Saturday. Here's the first one:
Blagoy Ivanov and Francisco Trinaldo are a combined age of 300 years old.
Let’s recap their advice:
-Definitely going over, but might go under if it’s a trap.
-Official play: buy 3 points up to Chargers +7.
-Official play
#2
: buy Chiefs down to -3.
This might actually be the worst piece of sports betting content i’ve ever seen.
My
#1
favorite thing girls do on dating apps is when you ask them their hobbies and they respond with "going on adventures." I seriously die laughing, takes me a solid hour to stop. Okay Indiana Jones. Going to brunch isn't an adventure.
Don’t forget these
@ToddFuhrman
:
-Make you cry in the middle of a bar when an 18 year old misses a FG
-Make you occasionally consider jumping from balconies
-Force you to eat Ramen for weeks
Wouldn’t trade it for the world though
#GoSports
Betting on sports will...
- teach you money management
- force you to control your emotions
- educate you on probability
- hone your research skills and reading comprehension
- make you question the meaning of life
See, generally speaking sports betting is a good thing
Wait Doug Crosby judged the Paddy fight? The guy who scored it 50-45 Sabatello yesterday?
So favored grappling control in one fight and flipped the very next night?
MAKE THAT MAKE SENSE.
Like this tweet to manifest a betting heater for yourself (no bookies allowed): 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥
How to be a sports betting journalist:
1) Write an article when someone makes a bet above $5K.
2) Post about someone hitting a same game parlay that pays four figures or more.
THAT’S LITERALLY IT.
Some of y’all went to journalism school for this. Lol.
The thought that Molina might have tried to purposefully lose his fight vs. Zhumagulov but ended up winning because of how fucking awful MMA judges are at their job is hilarious to think about.
It always amazes me there aren't better FG kickers at these big D1 programs. If you told me in 7th grade that I could go to school for free and partied with dimes at a big state school and all I had to do was hit 40 yarders I would have at least tried.
The new all-electric, zero emission SoCal-to-Vegas train will be capable of reaching top speeds of 200 mph and will bring gamblers from Rancho Cucamonga to Strip casinos in just 130 minutes. 🎲
Berryhorse: Goes on hour long tangent of all the things you need to think about to win 16 units in an MLB season on
@CirclesOffHQ
.
Us: Sees Dick Butkus dies (RIP), buys out of Skins bet, hammers Bears for max units.
Sports betting is the best.
Like this tweet to manifest a weekend heater for yourself:
🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🌋🌋🌋🌋🌋🌋🌋🌋🌋🌋🌋🌋🌋🌋🌋🌋🌋🌋🌋🌋🌋🌋🌋🌋🌋🌋🌋🌋🌋🌋🌋🌋🌋🌋🌋🌋🌋🌋🌋🌋🌋🌋🌋🌋🌋🌋🌋🌋
My betting mentor told me that tailing people and winning is like having sex with a condom on and betting your own opinion and cashing is raw dog. Always stuck with me.
You know Drake is a fake sports bettor because all his songs about heartbreak revolve around females and none about what it feels like to be covering an entire basketball game that goes to OT and then losing your bet by the hook. That’s real heartbreak
#DogsDieInOvertime
Tyreek Hill: Has three kids with three different women in span of a few months. Destroys NFC contender Dallas.
Travis Kelce: Exchanges friendship bracelets with Taylor. Holds hands with her walking in to stadium so people will take pictures of him. Losing to the Raiders.
Per sources, UFC working to finalize a new main event with Aspen Ladd (
@TheAspenLadd
), following Holly Holm's withdrawal against Norma Dumont due to injury.
@JamesCageWhite
James you are like Google in the 90's. An undiscovered and underappreciated gem that will skyrocket very soon. Chicks will flock in no time once they realize how dope you are!
Is it a hot take to say 75 Hard is easy af? Working out, drinking water, and reading ten pages from a book is everyday bro. Try gambling on CBB without breaking a TV. That’s actually hard.
Fun fact about me is I quit my job in 2018 and lived in Thailand for three months. Trained at Tiger Muay Thai (expensive). When I was there Ray debuted in PFL and was +600 vs Shields. I bet on him and he paid for my entire trip/training. Hawaiian stimulus plan. Mahalo Ray!
My POTD for golf tomorrow is Aaron Wise -105 vs Joel Dahmen. All the handicapping I needed to do was look up Dahmen’s age. He’s 33. No way he’ll fully recover from his hangover after winning his first PGA event last week. Only risk is he may show up wasted, which would help him.
Pulled a crazy rizz move today at my workout class where the ratio is 16 chicks, me and an old guy who always out hustles me. Brought an 18 pack of Celsius from Costco and handed them out for Xmas. Scored two numbers after class. Put that in the rizz HOF.
My fave thing to do on Sunday is to slide in to any golfer’s DMs who I have outrights on. Some say I have a career in DM pump up speeches, but this is just a hobby for me at the moment. Go Xan!
This virus is HUGE for the XFL. Time for them to prove how Xtreme they really are. Better not cancel the season
@VinceMcMahon
. You were built for this.
DFS/LIFE TIP OF THE DAY: Hot chicks are like large field GPPs. Tons of people competing for one grand prize. Probably not going to hit and you may go broke chasing them. Double ups are the spicy milfs at
@Target
. Tons of um and you’ll score much more often playing those
#DFS
Huge huge huge narrative developing as I slide in to Melissa Gatto’s DMs and she responds with the heart/blush emoji. Was going to pass on the fight, but might be forced to pick a side here
#UFC265