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Tim Dillon Profile
Tim Dillon

@TimJDillon

Followers
788,847
Following
657
Media
2,449
Statuses
21,205

Stand up comic. CEO of Fake Business. Podcast: The Tim Dillon Show. LIVE/MERCH LINK ⬇️

One Hyde Park, Knightsbridge
Joined August 2011
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@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
4 years
Trump is reportedly banning TikTok so if you want to watch 16 year olds dance you have to get on a plane with Bill Clinton.
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@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
3 years
We’re in a South Park episode.
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@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
2 years
There have been more articles about Joe Rogan’s podcast than the biggest human trafficking trial in history.
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@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
2 years
I respect the press.
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@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
2 years
I think Biden is doing a great job. I don’t think people need food or money.
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@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
3 years
There is not one child in America that wants to be Salt Bae. Not one.
@thetimes
The Times and The Sunday Times
3 years
"Now everybody wants to be a butcher because of me. Now, if you ask a kid, they want to be Salt Bae. They see me as an idol. I’m an inspiration to a lot of people in a very short period of time.”
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@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
2 years
Maybe the enemies are China and Russia and not your neighbor who thinks slightly differently than you.
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@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
2 years
I am in Ukraine right now figuring it out. Stand by.
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@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
2 years
It’s a political hatchet job. It’s obvious to anyone with eyes. The debate about the vaccine has been over. UK just opened no restrictions. They don’t want him on the air for the next election cycle. Press Sec asked Spotify to “do more.” It’s not a conspiracy it’s out in the open
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@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
3 years
Removing custody from a mother because she’s unvaccinated is a police state. There is no other way to say it. The fact that doesn’t disturb more people is insane.
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@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
3 years
Sweet Baby Rays is good. He’s trying to be a human. He doesn’t know it goes on the food.
@subtoconnorpls
conar
3 years
why does he have sweet baby rays bbq on the decorative shelf
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@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
2 years
In the most vaxxed places on earth and the most vaxxed states in America Covid cases are rising. Yet it is still heresy to question the strategy or talk about alternative treatments. “Comics” are dispatched to shame people and shut down conversations. Does this feel odd yet?
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@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
2 years
Now to review: the government banning people on social media, freezing their bank accounts, getting their friends in the media to dox them, and convincing everyone this is for the good of society IS BAD.
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@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
2 years
Jesus this @ggreenwald piece is brutally accurate.
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@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
2 years
Human traffickers who pimped kids to rich politicians really get sad in jail huh?
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@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
2 years
There were a hundred ways to do this sketch and have it be funny. The show now is just lazy mediocre hacks.
@nbcsnl
Saturday Night Live - SNL
2 years
Joe Rogan stopped by Cruz Street...
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@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
2 years
Nice of the media to take a break from starting a war in the Ukraine to defame a podcaster for a week straight before going back to telling everyone why they should need permission slips to have birthday parties.
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@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
5 years
When other people were “little girls” they were on a plane with your husband.
@HillaryClinton
Hillary Clinton
5 years
When I was a little girl, I wrote to NASA and told them I dreamed of being an astronaut. They wrote back and said they weren't taking girls. A new generation of little girls watched today's historic spacewalk. May their dreams of reaching the stars have no bounds.
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@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
3 years
I’m on the 5th booster watching Tiger King 4. Ellen is President. The camps are for our own good. I’m excited about our day of sun next week. Everything is good.
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@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
2 years
The year is 2030. I am the night manager at an NFT warehouse. School has been abolished. Children mine crypto day and night. Work is good. I am happy. On God.
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@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
3 years
I don’t think it’s beyond reasonable to ask mayors and governors who violate their own lockdown orders to resign.
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@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
3 years
Man this is crazy. NBC Employee fired after hot mic incident at Olympics. #OlympicGames
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@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
2 years
The CIA will be deleting their black site torture playlist from Spotify.
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@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
3 years
California is open today. Somewhere an aspiring influencer is getting on a plane from Virginia. They have the dream. They have the abs. They hate hate and love love. They have a 5th grade reading level. A beautiful story about to be written.
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@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
3 years
If I died my hair pink I could have 3 blocks of Portland under my control by tonight.
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@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
2 years
New Years 2024 “President Jake Paul has lifted the quarantine. Spirits are high. The NFT of Biden’s podium stroke has just sold for 2 million dollars. Chic Fil A is accepting safemoon. Elon Musk is launching a new mission to Mars despite not knowing where the last crew is.”
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@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
4 years
I just saw two people not social distancing so I hit them with my car. This isn’t a game.
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@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
4 years
If Trump just shook Covid in 48 hours with a diet of McDonalds and speed we should start considering the uncomfortable truth that he is the risen Christ.
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@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
3 years
FULL LEAKED AUDIO FROM SOUTHWEST PILOT!!!
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@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
2 years
Casey Anthony is removing her podcast from Spotify.
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@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
3 years
The Taliban
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@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
3 years
My friends son just tested positive for Covid. He’s in second grade. They just executed him in front of his class.
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@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
2 years
The media has 0 problem with Julian Assange being tortured to death publicly but thinks a mention of ivermectin constitutes a threat to National Security.
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@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
2 years
HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
@IdaTavakoli
Ida Tavakoli
2 years
You almost have to respect Joy Behar’s unwavering commitment toward ensuring that boomers are the most hated generation alive
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@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
2 years
It’s time for @jakepaul to fight Putin. This is our only hope.
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@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
2 years
Take your cousin outside and teach him how to smoke a cigarette and tell him about JFK and 9/11 and that his parents don’t love each other, they’re just too poor to afford a divorce.
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@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
2 years
You know the drill. PUT HER IN JAIL.
@nypost
New York Post
2 years
Adele slammed for telling gender-neutral award show she loves 'being a woman'
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@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
4 years
Just got hired at Spotify.
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@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
2 years
What’s great about what’s considered liberal now: war with Russia, unquestioning loyalty to pharmaceutical companies, reverence for the FBI and CIA and all of their honest work. This is like Gandalf saying “Actually let’s not destroy the ring. Let’s give it to Liz Cheney.”
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@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
2 years
Not about health. This will go down in history as a malicious violation of human rights.
@w_terrence
Terrence K. Williams
2 years
Breaking: Democracy has died today in Canada. Justin Trudeau is authorizing banks to unilaterally freeze accounts of Truckers and people who support the Truckers on the basis of suspicion alone, no court order required, with legal immunity. #CanadaHasFallen
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@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
4 years
Biden and Kamala will ask the kids pronouns before caging them.
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@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
2 years
As a gay man I think it’s appropriate that everyone who’s ever said faggot for any reason be chastised for it over and over regardless of context or personal evolution. That makes society better!
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@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
4 years
I think we’re handing the pandemic well from the perspective of the virus.
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@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
2 years
Is this China or Russia?
@Dustinpenner25
Dustin Penner *Blue Checkmark*
2 years
What the fck kind of men do this?
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@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
4 years
Break the fucking internet.
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@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
3 years
We should invade Afghanistan and then set up a government and security forces so this type of thing doesn’t happen.
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@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
2 years
Traditional bankers have been known for their empathy.
@nypost
New York Post
2 years
Bitcoin fans are psychopaths who don't care about anyone, study shows
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@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
3 years
From a reporter who used to work at @BusinessInsider sent to me Tuesday.
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@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
2 years
A message for Putin.
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@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
3 years
Why are people mad Bill Gates purchased 300K acres of farmland? He’s a cool dude with no agenda.
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@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
2 years
This is what society ending looks like.
@NPR
NPR
2 years
Some white people may choose 👍 because it feels neutral — but some academics argue opting out of 👍🏻 signals a lack of awareness about white privilege, akin to society associating whiteness with being raceless.
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@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
2 years
Henry Kissinger is removing his podcast from Spotify.
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@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
3 years
You can literally tell when this guy speaks he has no soul left.
@shoe0nhead
shoe
3 years
I AM LOSING MY MIND WE ARE WATCHING MANUFACTURED CONSENT PLAY OUT IN REAL TIME
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@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
3 years
Art is not only dead, it’s a corpse being defiled.
@FilmUpdates
Film Updates
3 years
James Corden, Camila Cabello, Billy Porter and Idina Menzel stopped traffic in LA for a flash mob with a cover of Jennifer Lopez’s “Let’s Get Loud” to promote #CinderellaMovie
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@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
8 months
Just got married. Homosexuality was a phase.
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@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
4 years
The only positive thing I can say about Joe Biden is that his son smokes crack.
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@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
4 years
Biden “I have AIDS”
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@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
2 years
The most “progressive” members of our society have remained silent (best case!) or have actively championed some of the most egregious violations of human rights by the state. Trampling peaceful protestors with horses or freezing their back accounts shouldn’t be met with silence.
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@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
2 years
Man this is the fucking tweet. Sometimes it takes a New Yorker.
@andrewschulz
Andrew Schulz 👑HEZI
2 years
Rogan has made a lot of people millionaires. Imagine being one of those people and staying silent right now? Cause this will blow over in a month but that silence will never be forgotten.
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@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
3 years
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😊😂
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@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
2 years
It’s hilarious that all these women do all day is call for people to get deplatformed and censored and then finally one of their own gets benched for two weeks and they’re mad.
@thedailybeast
The Daily Beast
2 years
UPDATE: Multiple sources tell The Daily Beast that Whoopi Goldberg’s co-hosts Sunny Hostin, Joy Behar, and Ana Navarro are furious with the network’s decision
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@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
2 years
The only symptom of the Omnichron variant will be your total loss of income.
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@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
3 years
If Rogan does his next podcast in perfect Mandarin the pandemic will end.
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@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
3 years
The government has had 6 months to prepare for a second wave and have done absolutely nothing. Now we are punishing small businesses and workers that will not survive while our leaders eat Arctic char indoors. This is genuinely an upside down backwards society.
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@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
2 years
Insanely fun time with @joerogan have a good digital holiday folks!
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@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
2 years
It’s insane that people think Americans shouldn’t be able to discuss the vaccine in any context other than singing and dancing.
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@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
2 years
Fauci is two days away from an appearance on the View where he goes “Yea I made the virus so what?” and Joy Behar’s follow up question “Dr, why won’t these numbskulls get the booster, I don’t get it.”
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@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
2 years
This is disheartening. I thought they were good people.
@Complex
Complex
2 years
A police raid at TikTok stars, Island Boys’, home leads to the arrest of a suspect involved in the murder of an 8-year-old girl. DETAILS:
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@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
3 years
It is no longer any type of conspiracy to suggest the pandemic coverage under Trump vs under Biden changed dramatically in tone. As many suggested it would. People started talking about opening up as soon as Biden won. How can anyone in this country trust any member of the media?
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@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
2 years
What’s good about the Maajid interview on Rogan is you understand how many violations of civil liberties were the result of 9/11 fearmongering. The legitimation of torture, suspension of Habeas Corpus, Patriot Act, surveillance state, etc. Republicans supported ALL OF THAT.
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@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
4 years
Kamala Harris is out. Tulsi plane goes down. Warren Gets fast acting cancer. Biden freak golf accident. Sanders 2nd heart attack. Empty debate stage. Hillary comes out in joker makeup. Moderator gun to head reading card voice shaking “Sec Clinton what was your dream as a girl?”
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@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
2 years
When you spend all your money on guns and can’t afford a whole couch.
@RepThomasMassie
Thomas Massie
2 years
Merry Christmas! 🎄 ps. Santa, please bring ammo. 🎁
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@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
5 years
Everyone upset that Game of Thrones isn’t working out the way they wanted, you can always start a family and stop trying to find meaning from premium cable.
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@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
2 years
I know it’s not the time but the menu at Taco Bell has become boring and predictable.
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@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
2 years
The mandates will lose. Ultimately we’ll look back on this time as a time where hysteria allowed bad actors, opportunists, and con men on all sides to flourish and enrich themselves in multiple ways. We took a look under the hood and it wasn’t pretty.
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@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
2 years
We’ve lost it. Truly. Recognizing the existence of men and women doesn’t disrespect trans people at all. It doesn’t disrespect people who want to identify as non binary. This is utter and complete insanity.
@Newsweek
Newsweek
2 years
Disney to remove all mentions of traditional gender roles at theme parks
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@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
2 years
Ok the Oscar’s is good now I was wrong sorry.
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@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
2 years
Mainstream media helped sell the Iraq war, patriot act, torture, bank bailouts, pushed several fake hate crimes, said questioning the origin of Covid made you racist, assured you Epstein killed himself, and mused Ghislaine Maxwell was herself a victim. Guys what’s not to love?
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@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
3 years
Getting or not getting the vaccine shouldn’t be your entire personality.
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@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
2 years
Remember tomorrow if anyone disagrees with you about anything they are trying to kill you.
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@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
2 years
The older generation was bought off years ago and are now being replaced by younger, harder working, and more creative people. And they’re not taking it well.
@KyleForgeard
KYLE
2 years
This “small group of youtubers” has way more viewers than you buddy. Kimmel used to be way funnier but now is just washed up and irrelevant. Only reason you even get any views is cause Disney owns your show so youtube forces it onto everyones home pages.
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@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
3 years
God when he’s right he’s right
@Yanky_Pollak
Yanky 🇺🇲
3 years
"You know what woke means? It means, you're a loser! Everything woke turns to shit!" - President Donald J. Trump
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@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
3 years
“Civil War” trending on Twitter. People outside: “Great weather today,” “Did you see the fight?” “Is that restaurant good?”
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@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
3 years
My heroin dealer just asked to see proof of vaccination.
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@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
2 years
You have to defeat bad ideas with good ideas. Censorship is a drug and once it becomes mainstream it will be wielded by both political extremes. How people choose not to see this is beyond me. But the idea of silencing ones enemies is powerful and apparently all consuming.
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@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
3 years
The gun who runs Barstool Sports has had more of a positive impact this year than Congress. So that’s where we’re at.
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@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
4 years
None of us know what it’s like to be this virus. Now we do.
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@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
4 years
I’m back with even less facts.
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@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
2 months
Put me on the drug this man is on
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@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
3 years
Chinese kids are learning math/science. Our kids are learning what “demisexual” means. Chinese gov investing in infrastructure. We’re giving real estate developers free $ to build condos for…Chinese billionaires! Our athletes/actors apologize to the CCP! It’s a matter of time.
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@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
3 years
This is fucking insane
@9NewsSyd
9News Sydney
3 years
#BREAKING : From September 13, NSW residents that are fully vaccinated against COVID-19 will be given new freedoms. Residents of hotspots can leave home for an hour of recreation on top of their exercise hour, while people in other areas can meet five others outdoors. #9News
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@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
2 years
Jen Psaki “If you can’t afford 9 dollar gas then I guess you get to “stay in lockdown.”
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@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
3 years
Today at the Grocery Store the guy bagging the groceries said “Let’s go Brandon.” The woman in front of me on line started crying and then had a stroke. For anyone who thinks this is “funny” maybe take a class in being human.
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@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
3 years
The amount of people who don’t want to return to any type of normalcy until there is not one Covid case is staggering. Fear and compliance have become national values God Help Us.
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@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
4 years
Bernie Sanders “I don’t want you to die.” American Public “I dunno. Sounds expensive”
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@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
3 years
The press is one of our great institutions and I have nothing but respect for them.
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@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
2 years
Instead of fixing the education system it’s more important to make sure every podcast is fact checked 12 times.
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@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
3 years
Here’s the thing: nine bodies have been recovered in the search for Gabby Petito. I think it’s time we apologize to me for suggesting national parks are dangerous.
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