Tim Duffy™
@TimDuffy
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Here for the posts. Instagram: thetimduffy.
Staten Island, NY
Joined May 2007
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Make no mistake, this is how Bernie would’ve shown up to his own inauguration as well.
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Morning coffee is for fuel but afternoon coffee is for the love of the game.
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First they came for Roseanne and I was like "Hell yeah."
Then they came for Bill Maher and I was like "Holy shit. Is it my birthday?"
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Explaining to Animal Control that the dog who bit me is a good boy.
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It's obvious email isn't secure. The only truly private communication is stuff you say towards the end of a very long podcast.
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Would pay good money for a Katie Porter humiliates millionaires OnlyFans.
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Imagine running home after school to drink Mountain Dew and play this for six hours.
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Jay Leno is defending Ellen as a ploy. The second she lets her guard down he will takeover as the host of Ellen.
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He has "not getting booed by thousands of people" scheduled for the same time.
White House has announced due to scheduling conflict, President Donald Trump will not be throwing out 1st pitch at Nats opener on Monday.
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When I’m not wearing my glasses and I see an inflatable dancing man outside a gas station.
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Always thought we'd have a woman president before we had a woman Colonel Sanders tbh.
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The lunchroom’s not gonna know what hit ‘em when my niece pulls out her Tár lunchbox.
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This James Comey news is just a distraction from the fact that Bow Wow doesn't have a private plane.
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Sasha Obama secretly tweets and ghostwrote the last three Drake albums.
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Putting "God Only Knows" in the Toy Story 4 trailer is emotional terrorism.
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Imagine having a frontman as great as David Lee Roth but the guitarist is so original that the band gets named after him instead?
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This video of adults watching a video game trailer is the opposite of that “Old Town Road” performance for kids.
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If we found out the Faceapp gave you cancer people would still be like "ooh what do I look like as an old person with cancer?"
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Wish Don Pardo was still alive to drop the whole list SNL opening style.
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If the U.S. bans TikTok they have to bring back Vine. It’s in the Constitution.
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FYI I love Bernie. This is a celebration of normal human behavior.
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Kyrsten Sinema is like “I’m not a democrat or a republican, I’m annoying.”
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Bankruptcy may be good for the Chuck E. Cheese Band. Give them a chance to explore their sound and get experimental.
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@realDonaldTrump
Show us your taxes and clear some of this up. Then you can drink all the piss you want.
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"And you may find yourself in a beautiful house
With a beautiful wife
And you may ask yourself, well
How did I get here?"
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CONTROVERSIAL OPINION: I don't think one little bar fight should keep us from putting Cardi B on the Supreme Court.
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Melania Trump's official White House photograph was taken on the set of Celine Dion's "It's All Coming Back To Me" video.
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@KellyannePolls
What about when the "uninformed chatter" is coming from INSIDE THE WHITE HOUSE?!?! 📞👻
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Annual reminder that the sleigh bells on "I Wanna Be Your Dog" make it a perfect addition to your holiday playlist.
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Tool waited 13 years to put out an album, then called their graphic designer for a cover yesterday at 4:30pm.
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Ben Carson seems like the kind of guy who would feed a toucan Fruit Loops cause he saw it on the TV.
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This dude looks like he’s about to guide you through the Labyrinth.
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Oh no, Meg White went to the beach from M. Night Shyamalan’s Old.
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If I knew it would be the most fun I’d have in three months, I would’ve waited to fill out the Census.
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Donald Trump leaving his supporters stranded in every swing state is Andy Kaufman level performance art.
Trump has finished and left, but there’s thousands of supporters who have been let loose into the night with no sign of the shuttles they’ve been told will take them back to parking. People are filling the street, blocking the road for ambulances and police.
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Maybe next season the role of Roseanne can be played by Christopher Plummer
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The first question in the first democratic primary debate has to be “Do you wash your legs in the shower?”
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I’m gonna need at least as many reaction shots of Tim Robinson and Sam Richardson during the Lions game as we got of Taylor during the Chiefs game.
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Lol the NYPD’s first ever presidential endorsement meant nothing. 😂😂😂
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Say what you will about Timothée playing Bob Dylan, but this hat looks equally stupid on both these guys.
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As far as job titles go “CEO of CrossFit” is just a few steps removed from “Lord of the Dance.”
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We don’t hang out on New Year’s Eve but we do collaborate on a collage.
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Manson dying of natural causes at 83 is a great argument for public health care. Shouldn’t we all be treated at least as well as Charles Manson?
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This is what happens when you evolve your Timothée Chalamet Pokémon.
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@GovRonDeSantis
He’s gonna thank you by calling you “Ron DeSuckDis” in a televised debate.
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Supreme Court says you gotta eat this.
Say hello to corn dog donuts, the newest creation from South Philly's Okie Dokie
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@realDonaldTrump
It is possible. You lost the popular vote and now you're our fattest president since Taft. Could've won better and thinner.
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@realDonaldTrump
If this job is bumming you out it's not too late to go back to your old life.
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What the liberal media won’t report is the staircase was moving and switching directions like the Jamiraquai video.
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Donald Trump's Twitter could get someone who works at Hooter's fired.
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This is your brain.
*holds up an egg*
This is your brain on drugs.
*egg feels more comfortable and confident in social situations*
Any questions?
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We should've known Facebook was fucked up when Trent Reznor seemed like the best fit to soundtrack the movie.
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