Ayushi Mona Singh
@TheMonaFactor
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Following
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244
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If all the Powerpuff Girls were one person, they'd be me. Views mine. Reposts random.
Bengaluru
Joined March 2011
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My tweets that 'banged' this year i.e. 100K to 400K views. Also have many threads with life gyaan that did as well but sticking to one-liners
- gyaan with ghee dosa
- heartbreak hotel
- bengaluru rent surge woes
- socializing sans alcohol
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At some point, as a working woman, you start seeing other women disappear.
It begins slowly. You are on a Zoom call and you are the only female face.
You are in a meeting room and someone presumes you are not good at what you do because you are so 'well-dressed'.
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Overheard at Rameshwaram Cafe:
Teenage boy giving relationship advice to friend - Bro, don't chase butterflies, build a garden for them.
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Seeing my (male & female) friends going through humiliating, unnecessary, painful break ups in their late 20s is very hard.
Most of these are cases where some ghar-ka-chirag/ princess type decided to 'have a little fun' before marrying the right religion/caste/paycheck size.
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You may be an overachiever but I found a flat w/out brokerage in Bengaluru on my 1st day of house hunting walking distance from work in a nice society in a posh area with 0 restrictions & cool owners who refurbished the house & reduced the rent & deposit from what they had quoted
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Why do we have to explain 'why' we don't drink alcohol to people who do?
It should be the other way around, no?
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My favorite part of
#Barbie
was when America started her feminist rant and the girl sitting in front of me turned to the guy sitting next to her and said "Yeh toh kartik aryan jaisa bol rahi hai"
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I thought the most epic thing Rakhi Sawant would say would be "Jo bhagwaan nahi deta, woh doctor de deta hai"
But then she said, "Sab mujhe gyaan de Rahe hain, zaroorat mujhe paison ki hai"
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It becomes difficult to judge people once you realize how similar our underlying intents are.
You visiting a therapist, your father going to an astrologist -> Hoping to reduce anxiety by having someone trustworthy to speak whose experience gives you confidence they can help
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If you are a woman, please understand and plan your financial life differently - both in terms of how you set goals and things you do - to achieve them.
Most financial advisors & influencers are men and their perspective on saving & investing is masculine in nature.
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29F, Patna-born, Delhi-raised, Bangalore-employed girl seeks groom to share her overpriced Central Bangalore apartment (with water).
No diet restrictions. Caste no bar.
[Parent-approved tweet]
[Friends will screen your application]
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The recent Zomato ad took me back to college.
I will explain. I have a marketing degree from MICA which is the mecca of advertising (if not marketing) education & a good barometer of the kind of people who go on to brands, agencies, media, content, consumer research industries.
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The wildest people I know decided to pursue a career in arts or social impact without having generational wealth.
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#1
mental health tip I can give urban affluent people in 20s is to stop reading anything online about trauma response, love languages, attachment styles.
Pop psychology is to growth what green tea is to weight loss.
Live, experiment, reflect.
Don't fall prey to lenses.
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If you've recently failed at romance, I urge you to stop saying 'I have bad taste in men.'
Also please don't listen to people who use reels as love advice. It'll screw your thinking when humans get reduced to red flags, gaslighting and toxic become default words for conflict.
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Popular Indian subcultures I don't understand:
- coaching classes and tuitions, never took one but amazed at their emotional impact
- engineering because despite being a topper I was not pushed to a science stream
- arranged marriages (seen zero boys, no matrimonial profiles)
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There is emotional cheating, physical adultery and then there is the uniquely desi - waitlist infidelity - you date people till the time you have an arranged marriage to someone, who you get 'approval' for.
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Gradually mediocre boys you know become guest speakers at your alma mater. Men who are wayyy junior to you become team leaders on no better grounds than their own deluded belief in their level of competence OR because they have jumped 2 progressive jobs for a promotion.
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Made In Heaven is a good show because it brings out nuances that dramas depicting Indian lives almost never do.
Think of the moment when Jazz asks the Bai to clean properly and she retorts back. It's so real. The middle class need to be hierarchically superior to lower classes.
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My friends who are "Experiences>Things" and "Insta-travel and weekend gateway junkies" are just generational wealth holders with high personal disposable income.
I quite like things. I am very on the base level of Maslow's hierarchy of indulgences that way.
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Sima Aunty is a grandmom with a jet-setting, recession proof career, international fame, inbound sales through a netflix show, clothes/jewelry, social life & commands her price irrespective of success rate & a chill, secure, tall husband with hair.
Aapne kaha adjust kia ma'am?
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Why are women so bad at negotiating salaries?
Even privileged women aren't able to get a good enough deal for themselves because sticking up for yourself is scary AF.
My first jobs were college placements, but thereafter I did struggle, so sharing lessons.
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A predictor of a woman's potential is support from family.
Grades/ skills wane away because women are busy moving cities for the husband,
dealing with being looked over due to inherent biases in society &
opting out after realizing the game is stacked against them all along.
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One day you turn around & see all women who are still around in the workplace have
(1) Major financial dependencies (bread earners, no family support)
(2) Still single/young
(3) Generationally wealthy & privileged women whose house help is substituting their husbands share
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A sureshot way to unhappiness is to expect your friends to "provide" for you in ways you provide for them.
When we are younger our friendships are equitable. Give a secret, keep a secret. They cover for you, you cover back.They waste 2 hours on the phone & you waste it with them
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Meanwhile, women get married off to NRIs. They lose time in adjusting to the workforce there.
Some women go on maternity breaks and find that they'd rather not do both and over-stretch themselves. Unless they have specific skills that back-to-career programs seek they're lost.
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I urge people of my generation to realize that just because you have SIP and some stocks does NOT mean that you're on track in terms of personal finance.
Feeling smarter because you've thought long term or are aware of inflation is good but personal finance is personal...
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I met a friend yesterday who'd I lost touch with. Saw him after 9 years. He's staffed on a project in Bangalore with a bunch of colleagues and they are living/working together till it's completed.
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Some women realize that with their husband's income they can pursue side passions like freelancing or baking that gives them better control of how they manage their time, no office politics, unrealistic travel and pressure that screws up their health.
They drop off.
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Thoughts on romance, relationships and dating as a young woman that I had wish someone had told me in my late teens/early twenties:
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Men of course, have no choice but to be employed to be socially respected.
That's also why they orchestrate such focus into their careers.
But do Diversity pundits realize that maniacal focus that propels an average woman is incredibly difficult?
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Let me share some anecdotes about how the careers of some real women because most women leaders just do tokenism anyway and companies hire Diversity & inclusion experts with literally no skin in the game
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Most women continue to work hard at their corner because they've been taught to nurture.
A lot of dog-eats-dog culture that enables success by projecting achievement in the corporate world comes too late (or never!) to women in life.
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Last year of my 20s so here are some thoughts for young urban women on what I have observed or learnt along the way.
Of course, this applies to young people in general, but I write with a skew towards my own (feminine) lived experience.
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I am always amused when people say stuff like "they should teach useful things like taxes and personal finance in school and college."
I had a 'money skills' class in school, taxation course during my undergrad and a special credit course during my MBA on managing money.
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Book club group par log Kusha Kapila and Arjun Kapoor spotted at Hill Road update mil Rahe hain hain.
Aur bolo, readers are leaders.
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I have been seeing that
@Uber
intern picture with dozens of women go viral and get talked about so much.
This is a picture of us ladies (!) in 2014 at our 1st day at work at a large Indian bank.
I will share some perspectives from our journey.
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Can we please start getting 50% HRA deduction for Bengaluru?
@FinMinIndia
How on Earth is this city still considered a non-metro for taxation purposes is beyond me.
:/
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14 months ago, I left a job I loved, to go work at IIM Ahmedabad's startup platform.
What I left:
A job where I was singled as high potential with my own leadership coach, a project that would transition into a global role, colleagues I loved, great pay, work I was great at
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Can someone explain to me how Vijay Verma manages to simultaneously look sleazy and honourable?
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Making friendships as adults is...not so hard.
Listen to them, eat with them, go for a hobby class with them, check in when they're sick, cheer them on when they do well, let them cry on your shoulder when the days are hard.
To have a friend, you have to first, be a friend.
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There's a boy in the PGP batch at IIM Ahd currently who thinks he is killing it on Hinge.
Um, all the Ahmedabad university girls know & update each other & the joke is on you.
Also they'll marry Jignesh after garba with you.
Focus on your placements Chad.
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Everyday work tips if:
- You have a desk job or
- Work in a knowledge economy setup
- Likely to have a LinkedIn profile
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My only sports-related opinion is that men who are Arsenal fanbois are unconventionally attractive and toxic due to their rigid behaviour patterns, Chelsea fans are troublemakers pretending to be nice guys, Liverpool lovers are excellent friends and eventually good partners even
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Are you good at work and bad at job interviews and are constantly annoyed by seeing mediocre ex-colleagues and lazy batchmates score jobs that you could have aced but:
a) Didn't apply thinking you aren't a fit
b) Never/rarely get a shortlist
b) Flunk interviews (at any stage)
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Weirdly, I've found people judge me or be shocked because I do all my own household chores. And like to.
(People= largely, folks in 20s&30s in knowledge economy jobs)
I'll expand on this & the incredulity that something this simple generates.
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During my MBA placements, we had a Oil & Gas company make a presentation to us.
The old and old-school gentleman who gave us the hiring pitch was asked a question on gender parity (they had only 1%-2% female workforce) & he said "women who want to work are mavericks"
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People would party & puke up - that would get miraculously cleaned up by staff from nearby villages.
So, you don't think twice of depicting someone as a towel or a table - you are tone-deaf to your privilege.
People are more sensitive to a bad dress at Cannes than scavenging
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I speak to younger folks without privilege who worry about the financial burden of taking up higher education.
A combination of news about layoffs, poorer placements, higher living costs puts students on defence mode.
1/2/3 years of not earning can rightly cause anxiety.
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(Also it's rude to be smug like this but I've only heard horror stories toh stay strong, there are good people who don't need your linkedin and kidney).
And thank you to
@manasjsaloi
for his kickass house search rubric that I used once again.
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Every time a junior asks me should I wait to change a job/start something new, this is the Seth Godin article I send them.
You could have been in the right bus an hour ago, but that changed.
You didn't know how to read directions.
All your friends got onto that bus.
Get Off?
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I mean I have sat in rooms where they kept finding a 'beautiful' model till they reached a 'fair' one.
Who's making these ads? We are.
So our nuanced views of body positivity (Dove) work because we're sensitive to that or Ariel but not something like this.
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Your friends forwarding memes, your uncle sending good morning texts ->
Either a way to passively continue a relation with low effort OR
Their own way of sending you some attention your way because they feel disconnected and lonely and like the reciprocation when you ❤️ react
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In a cynical world, full of situationships, alimony hot-takes & millionaries demanding dowry -
it's difficult to believe in love or that it can happen to you,
So, I thought I'll share a few stories from people I know to reaffirm that companionship and respect exist today.
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One of my strongest convictions is that most of us should start working earlier than we actually do in India.
In the organized sector, we are a nation of babies with years of inculcated, learned, professional helplessness.
Some reasons below:
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Things I learnt about love:
-> Nothing that happens between two people is guaranteed to be private.
-> People fall in love slowly and then all at once.
-> How much someone loves you or why they love you is about them and never about you.
Why they leave you is also about them.
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If I had to swap lives with one person, I'd exchange with Anuja Chauhan.
She had an amazing marketing career, writes lovable books, rocks silver hair,has 3 amazing kids, lives in a pretty house with a blue door, wears happy bright colours & her inter faith marriage is beautiful.
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I don't know why people keep saying that they would have done personal finance better if they were taught that in school.
School assembly mein kitni baar bola that you are the future of India, but Canada ka PR milte hi chale gaye naa?
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Whether you type....lyk dis!!!!
Or have the luxury of calling yourself
a grammar nazi in a dating app bio.
You're both looking for someone who'll be there when no one else will.
Bonding over similarities is how kids make friends.
Respecting differences is how adults do it.
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At the end of every Google Meet call with me, my mom would click 'raise a hand' before ending the call with me.
Today, I asked her, why she keeps doing that.
And, she said, "I thought that was raising hand to wave bye before ending".
😹
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- cricket (the last match I saw was 15 years ago)
- Friends, Office, tv show fanaticism
I'm sure there are other things I'm missing but sometimes I forget how much of modern day conversation is just these things
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Almost all of us are divorced from reality
Most marketing/agency folks can talk to you about Gen Z vs Gen X - but good luck asking if they know where Saharanpur or Imphal is
Most people who choose a 'fun' field like marketing content often have the privilege to do such work
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IIMs are worse because atleast at MICA or communications oriented schoold they attempt to teach you 'Imagining India, digital media citizenship, caste awareness, consumer contexts'
Startup bros / B school honchos get everything done by poorly paid/overworked agency kids
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It's pride month & a lot more marketers care about changing their logo or virtue signaling on climate because they get to run global or populist campaigns & steer away from real Indian problems or context.
(It's a job not activism, they make money, they go home).
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Women at an event where egg-freezing was discussed in Indiranagar.
Good to see young women discuss fertility, success rates early on.
Most had a partner too. I'd thought most would have taxing careers but many just had intellectual curiosity or financial privilege.
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Always nice to see avid readers and literature enthusiasts headlining literary festivals in this country.
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Lovely out-of-body experience yesterday when someone forgot to mute me on a work call and proceeded to say extremely toxic and abusive things about me to the other person who was next to them on that call.
If you are going to be nasty, at least be careful AND nasty.
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So many Shomen-type men keep complaining that girls like Rocky-type men and don't like 'nice guys.'
Parents (like Rani's mom) are also pro-nice guys like Shomen but if Ranveer Singh's character is not a walking-talking green flag then God knows, who is.
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When you say you have bad taste, you lower your own self-esteem.
If someone DID (knowingly and maliciously) hurt, mislead or wrong you, it's on them - not on you.
THEY are the problem NOT you. It's not your decision-making framework that's the problem, it's theirs.
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I have spent a lot of time in all-women environments (home, 2 all women work teams, 3 convent hostels, one all-girls school, gender-segregated travel, online women-only communities) and I have found them to be welcoming, warm, non-bitchy spaces. Not despo & definitely not crazy.
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I am not virtue signaling. I love working in marketing but I am totally not oblivious to our privilege of being more aware of how to do an event in metaverse but not realizing that resurrecting a 22-year-old fictional character for a recycling would be tone deaf.
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Nice men exist. but no nice guy has ever says how nice he is.
I've known men who've sacrificed jobs, families, beliefs, opened their hearts & made a place for women.
When you're 20, every guy your age is a clown. But many of them do clean up well.
Believe love (kinda exists).
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At MICA, we don't have reservations.
But we did have scholarships. 5 scholarships are given to students whose entire family income is below 5L. It is an anonymous application.
4 people applied in the entire college. Needless to say that people had a lot of privilege.
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Anyone who calls it a show about rich people getting married obviously doesn't know what they are talking about.
Marriage is a great backdrop because our collective social anxieties, biases and manipulations come to life because of the social mobility marriage affords.
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Women's representation in boards is a great metric but how do you arrest the middle step when women marry, migrate, bear children, get hit upon, save less, bear the brunt of office housework, struggle with networking and making their presence felt?
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Parents shouldn't invest for children.
If they're good, they don't need it. If they are bad, they don't deserve it.
Pay for schooling out of income.
Hoarding crores for mediocre children to become even more entitled is a societal affliction
Opinion about Parenting that would get you like this? Let’s have them!
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Men are conditioned to earn for duty, for women it is 'safety.'
Not saying always true but having a source of income protects women against both abuse from marital families & guilt-tripping from their own.
Even in families that get along, women's income is 2nd/supplementary.
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@Neerabha
Well, in every Era, all it takes is having a spine to do the right, difficult thing.
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There are only 2 things in India that give social mobility - a solid, elitist Education (like Radhika apte's character) or marriage (like Tara Khanna).
Made In Heaven navigates so many lives of (largely) so many women and it does it flawlessly everytime.
It's so contemporary!
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You wanting to work from home, your company wanting you to work from office -> A desire to have control over routines that affect your overall outcomes
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Never have I ever... Met someone who has disliked Zerodha?
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We also had several communication-oriented classes run by professors who most of Twitter would consider 'woke' or 'liberals.'
These classes are typically held in low-esteem by the ambitious, who are there at MICA to make salaries at Mondelez/Loreal/Amazon not engage with theory
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High female participation in leadership roles is great but board positions come from legacy, privilege as much as insane battles against the glass ceiling. Often benefits don't translate because a female board member is still an exec before a campaigner of women's rights
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A good metric that I have realized over the years to judge female friendliness of an org is how many women work in commercial (sales, business leadership,operations, tech- depending on the nature of the industry) roles.
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Fragmented thread because it's a mix of complacency in a privileged environment, casteism that it's impossible to think of when you have so much privilege & the unfairness of creative jobs being reduced to approval by bosses who usually belong to even greater privilege
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High female participation in support roles like HR, PR, tech support doesn't mean the org is particularly inclusive - it's easier for women in social constructs to do these roles - lack of travel, lower pay ok coz 2nd income, good comms skills, social stereotypes as soft roles
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NGL I get nervous whenever anyone with the surname Razdan starts anything at a foreign university.
I'm excited to share that I will be joining
@UCBerkeley
as an Assistant Professor of Chemical and Biomolecular Engineering in Fall 2024!
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Another instance - a PSU company was a day zero type recruiter in my batch. After they picked 3 people, they reopened applications because they wanted to hire SC/ST/OBCs.
A batchmate who was a match told me they won't apply because they didn't want to be thought of taking it easy
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Someone who changes jobs 2 years, someone who's worked at the same place for 10 -> Doing what they think works the best for them personally and professionally
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Start exercising early - women get conditioned out of sports & occupying public spaces around puberty.
Too many urban Indian girls with thyroid/PCOS disorders in their 20s.
Most girls operate under the delusion of being thin as a sign of being fit & have terrible health.
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People who have relationships or partners who are a catch may have personality traits eg: patience, stable income that makes it easier.
For everyone else - we all need to do some trial & error & not hate ourselves for having actually tried to step up and give love a chance.
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I get why nobody wants pay transparency :/
A guy who was in Bschool with me (& also coaches a mutual early career program) launched his Topmate account last week. He was charging 4X for what I do so I went and upped my rate.
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Dating in your 20's:
Seeking brilliance
Choosing in your 30's:
Avoiding stupidity
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Whenever I see people cribbing about so many women being hired, I find it amusing.
I've been in 2 all-women teams (one tech, one non-tech) We persistently got cliche naari-shakti, diversity quota dialogues
Almost every team is male-only and no one asks 'how come so many men?'
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Then the upper class Delhi way of throwing shade by calling out the area (oh, Dwarka, metro must have made it easy no).
The irate feelings of Radhika Apte's younger brother who calls getting his caste known as "coming out" as a quota student.
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During a placement ppt 6 years back, a senior leader at an oil & gas company with 1% female employees was shocked when I asked him how many of those 1% were not secretaries, juniors or corp comm employees
Well I didn't convert my shortlist 🤣
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Traits that women are appreciated for are traits that make for terrible leaders or business decision makers.
We educate women on par with men but condition them differently and wonder why highly educated women don't rise to the same level as men.
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Who came up with the idea that women should set up their households with their sexual partners & occasionally meet their friends & the parents who bought them up?
How are women deluded into accepting this as normal to the extent they aspire for this companionship structure?
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Love can never be better than the lover.
Or, as productivity twitter says it, 'the way you do something is the way you do everything.'
Yes, yes exceptions exist, but if we were honest, we would realize that it's the worker not the work that matters, the lover not the love.
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It is a brilliant show (and if that means seeing Bvlgari and Zomato placements) to also see how families sabotage themselves & relationships break and repair, it's so worth it.
Even Kabir's VO is worth it because it shows the elitist need to intellectualize but not do anything
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