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@ThatmattersNews
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REPORT
A new study shows that a shocking number of American adults have trouble spelling the word “satire,” let alone recognizing it
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Elon Musk has reportedly made an offer to buy the FBI from the Clintons
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Colorado Supreme Court Votes To Remove Bill Clinton From Epstein Client List
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Six more women have come forward with allegations that Trump tried to grab their steering wheels
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Eyewitness to testify that Former President Trump lunged for the steering wheel of crashed Ohio train
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Rand Paul Venmos $600.01 to Ukraine so the country’s finances will have to be audited
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Tulsi Gabbard Venmos Nanci Pelosi $600.01 forcing the IRS to audit Pelosi’s finances
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LIFE HACK: Disguise Your Zyn As Fentanyl So Democrats Will Let You Keep It
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Shocked Pennsylvanians wish there had been some hint that Senator John Fetterman might be mentally unwell before voting him into office
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Leftist activists loot Target to protest right-wing boycott of Target
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In order to safeguard democracy, Congress has voted to exempt itself and its members from upcoming IRS audits
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Barron Trump is reportedly considering getting into crack cocaine, Russian prostitutes, and corrupt international business dealings to get the FBI to leave him alone
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Wagner soldier alleges Trump grabbed steering wheel of tank to turn convoy around
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Montana raises Ukrainian flag so that the U.S. will defend their airspace
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Biden orders fighter jets to fire on the state of Montana to protect Chinese Spy Balloon
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Could you be TransTrans?
Jennifer was born a woman but identifies as a trans woman - a person born a man who identifies as a woman. Jennifer and others like her are part of the growing TransTrans community.
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BREAKING: Jan 6 Committee Nominated For Oscar For Best Film Editing
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Intelligence suggests Russian coup could be almost as serious as January 6
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E. Jean Carroll Alleges Trump Shouted ‘This Is MAGA Country’ While Raping Her
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BREAKING: Trump Indicted For Never Visiting Epstein Island
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Twitter announces that they have hired Hunter Biden to lead the implementation of its new Civic Integrity Policy ahead of midterm elections
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Bill Clinton Books Flight on Boeing 737, Hoping To Get Sucked Off
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BREAKING
Possibly due to Covid, Jill Biden reportedly has no taste
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BREAKING: Arrest attempt failed!
Police forced to uncuff Trump and let him go on his way after he shouted “I can’t breathe!” during the attempted arrest
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BREAKING
Judge grants Harvey Weinstein temporary furlough from prison to visit Jennifer Lawrence and comfort her after her nightmares about Tucker Carlson
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BREAKING
U.S. Department of Energy warns that it is “likely” that Senator John Fetterman originated in a lab
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BREAKING
Biden administration begins search for new Nuclear Energy Secretary; hoping for candidate with less baggage
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BREAKING
Unfortunately all 28 security cameras at the Pelosi residence malfunctioned for the duration of the break-in, so officials have ended their investigation and concluded UltraMAGA white supremacy was the motivation
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BREAKING: Biden Promises That Any Americans Who Die In WWIII Won’t Have To Repay Their Student Loans
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New witness comes forward to confirm that he hears racist slurs shouted at BYU volleyball game:
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President Biden checks himself into hospital, suffering from clinical recession
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President Biden to appoint Jussie Smollett as head of newly revamped U.S. Ministry or Truth
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In response to reports of Biden’s quid pro quo dealings with Saudi Arabia, Congress announces a formal investigation and possible impeachment of Donald J Trump
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‘I was fired for being black’ Says Woman Who Was Hired For Being Black
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BREAKING
President Biden mistakenly read 9 minutes of his daughter Ashley’s diary to a national audience today after his teleprompter was hacked
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BREAKING
President Biden announced this morning that the FBI now has enough evidence to indict Donald Trump on charges of misdemeanor malarkey
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Conservatives Hope McConnell’s Next Stroke Turns Him As Pro-America As Fetterman
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The Desire To Not Die In A Plane Crash Is Rooted In White Supremacy
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BREAKING
President Biden accidentally signs Inflation Reduction Act “Joe Brandon”
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Kamala Harris says the Biden administration is committed to making sure the coming nuclear Armageddon is equitable, diverse, and affirming
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Colorado Supreme Court Votes To Remove Trump From Home Alone 2
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Biden In Good Spirits, Having ‘Already Forgotten’ Terrible Week
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BREAKING
New study shows that millions of vaccinated men are unable to get pregnant
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Texas Decorates Border Fence With Evidence Of Hunter Biden’s Crimes To Get Federal Agents To Totally Ignore It
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Minneapolis Mayor Jacob Frey comments on man killed after being pushed in front of train:
“We are just thankful no Marines intervened. The killer could have been harmed.”
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BREAKING
Joe Biden and John Fetterman to give each other cognitive tests on live pay-per-view TV event to raise money to send to Ukraine
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BREAKING
In addition to cancelling student debt, President Biden is reportedly now considering cancelling inflation, the national deficit, and climate change
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BREAKING
Biden takes immediate action after Pennsylvania train derailment: sending another $12 Billion to Ukraine
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Former Vice President Dick Cheney gives his personal guarantee that Trump was stockpiling Weapons of Mass Destruction in his Mar-a-Lago safe
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Haitians Decline To Come To America Saying ‘White People Don’t Season Their People.”
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BREAKING: Boeing 737 Plane Exempted From Safety Regulations After Coming Out As Black And Gay
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President Biden announced today that when Dr. Anthony Fauci retires in December he will be replaced by Dr. Jill Biden
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Anonymous insider source says Trump was planning a children’s Easter egg hunt at Mar-a-Lago with nuclear codes inside the eggs
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Matt Taibbi legally changes name to ‘Hunter Biden’ so the IRS will shut down their investigation of him
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BREAKING
Fetus Suddenly Much More Than Just ‘Clump Of Cells’ After Pregnant Black Woman Shot By Cop
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BREAKING: Republican Beats Democrat In Republican Primary
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BREAKING: Biden Defeats Milei In Argentine Presidential Race After 80K Votes Found At 2 AM
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Update on this story:
BREAKING
In order to safeguard democracy, Congress has voted to exempt itself and its members from upcoming IRS audits
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America Shocked After Band That Always Sucked Continues To Suck
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REPORT
New study finds that climate change could be causing traceless bags of cocaine to randomly appear in highly secure buildings
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BREAKING
FBI says Mike Lindell likely a Russian agent after they discovered a coded text message on his phone:
@JackPosobiec
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Biden To Travel To Ukraine To Request $14 Billion In Aid For War Against Texas
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BREAKING
President Biden says that video footage of him calling Trump voters a threat to the nation in his speech last night may be Russian disinformation
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Ray Epps Shows Off Brutal Slap On Wrist To Prove He Isn’t A Fed
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Queers For Palestine Invited To Gaza For ‘Drag Festival’
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BREAKING
Federal Reserve unveils new $100 bill that looks exactly the same but only buys $20 worth of goods
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BREAKING
Senate subcommittee votes to replace Chair John Fetterman with his actual chair since it was making much more sense
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Elon Musk shatters world record after going a full 12 hours without killing himself after publicly insulting Hillary Clinton
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BREAKING: Judge Engoron Orders Trump To Pay $1.2 Trillion Congressional Spending Bill
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President Biden is reportedly considering hiring Alec Baldwin to train the 87,000 new IRS recruits in firearm safety
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Hillary Clinton Texts Her Hitman “How much would it cost to kill the whole internet?”
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BREAKING
Elon Musk announces paid livestream viewing event where the public can watch Twitter employees being fired.
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Zelensky applies for $40 Billion student loan from U.S.
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REPORT: Senator Diane Feinstein’s Death Today Means She Will Likely Only Serve A Few More Terms
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Hillary Clinton Invites Judge Who Ordered Release Of Epstein List Out To Panera For A Nice Refreshing Charged Lemonade
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Democrats Warn If Trump Is Elected In 2024 He May Prevent World War III
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BREAKING
President Biden proposes massive new trans-Atlantic pipeline for pumping American dollars directly to Ukraine
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Trump is reportedly considering committing a violent felony in New York so DA Bragg will drop all charges
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Sources say Manhattan DA Bragg plans to arrest the Air Force One stairs on felony assault charges later this week
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Scientists warn that Earth could run out of conspiracy theories by 2025 if they keep coming true at the current rate
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This Columbus Day, help shift the focus to Indigenous Peoples by sacrificing a human child so the weather will change!
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BREAKING
Researchers at UC Berkeley announced today that they have discovered 14 new genders and 65 new pronouns
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Eyewitness testifies that Donald Trump tried to lunge for Joe Rogan’s microphone
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WEIRD: Air Force One Cockpit Exempt From Biden Diversity Initiative
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Both Justin Trudeau and his wife reportedly dating Pete Davidson after their separation
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Texas Hoping Biden Leaves 300,000 Guns There Just Like He Did In Afghanistan
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All Disney companies will stop using the term “manager” and begin using the more inclusive “themager”
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Biden silences his critics with a tweet proving he knows the name of the country he’s president of
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REPORT: Desire To ‘Not Die In A Plane Crash’ Linked To White Supremacy
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UPDATE:
FACT CHECK: Did left-wing rioters loot a Target today to protest a right wing boycott?
VERDICT: False. Left-wing rioters actually looted a Target 3 years ago as part of a national embezzlement scheme known as ‘BLM’
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Vivek Explains He Should Be VP Pick Because Biden’s Brain Will Explode If He Has To Try To Pronounce ‘Ramaswamy’
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DEVASTATING: Canada Bars Trump From Appearing On Their Ballots
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BREAKING
George Floyd’s family attempts to file $250M suit against coroner’s report for defamation; are told they cannot sue a PDF
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