Arterial spurts slowing to a trickle despite clumsy efforts to keep pressure on my wounds- consciousness fading, with my last strength I encode the map to the location of the legendary lost nazi superweapon in what appears to be an unsolicited dick pic I spam to all mutual’s DMs.

Some incredible replies happening here

My stupid brother refuses to shake my hand. I suspect he is a Misogynist

RT @FeralPHunter: this can be reversed but it starts with the individual.- organize dinners.- get coffee with friends.- plan a party.- see….

RT @equine__dentist: thanks ai overview

RT @MrAvatar18:

RT @sondraa: Nothing like 4 divorces and 6 engagements to find out you’re the problem.

I’m telling her it’s also called ‘sea walking’ because it’s a sinuous sea creature like motion and some know it better by that name.

My mom just said ‘I want to learn to slide dance’ and showed me a video of someone crip walking. I am absolutely encouraging her in this endeavor.

RT @tonyhawktruther: Yeah man lesbians are probably really mad at this. They probably hate this shit.

RT @alliharvard:

RT @sealnoda: Pierogi is featured in an VMMR reel!. He is the second to last clip 💗🦭

RT @HardestFitPics: Lacoste FW24 🐊

My mother was talking about the importance of mentors and I said I thought that was just something they said to sell self help books and she said Al that’s not true and I said MY MENTOR IS ACTUALLY OPRAH all loud and she smacked me which I don’t think is wise business guidance.

Talked her into her first gel pedi haven’t am not going to tell her how to remove gel polish hahaha LETS SEE WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT TEAL TOES IN A MONTH DRAGON PAWS.

Just had a debate with my mom about which toenail polish colors are gauche - she’s working from a completely different philosophical template than I am on the subject- this is probably what the first jesuits in discourse with confucian scholars felt like.

Omg I would look so cute drowning in one of these 😍.

IF YOU DONT SPEAK FRENCH YOU ARE NOT A CLOWN YOU ARE A SPARKLING FOOL.

This is French Canadian fishing and it is racist.

RT @heck_giver: Big day for coworkers.

My mom’s house is always subtly mysterious - why does she have a loaf of butter with a strange shrine around it right next to the stove? Women are so scary🥰