One was given to Monica, in his life. One was given to Erica, by his side. One was given to Sandra, in the sun. One was given to Mary, all night long. But they were all of them deceived. Deep in the fires of Mount Doom, the Dark Lord Lou Bega forged a master mambo, Mambo No. 5

If I were Manu Macron, Président de la France, and I were hosting the olympics, I would simply call Knights of the Empire, Daft Punk, out of retirement for one last job…

“How do you plead?” “Extremely guilty, but even more extremely wealthy, your honour.” *Gavel bangs* “Case dismissed.”

Just used alcohol at the worst time, when I was the sole legal guardian of six Pokémon, who I will now divulge Charmeleon Metapod Skitty Poliwag Taillow Egg I used alcohol while these 6 relied on me in Viridian Forest. I got blackout drunk in Viridian Forest. Say their names

I wonder if this lad has to put down his massive mug of unadulterated brain poison to post this stuff

In France they don’t call him “Pitbull,” they call “Monsieur Globale”

I guess I just see it as an emotional support job

Cannot believe Mozart’s late-career shift into chocolate/marzipan. Gotta respect that kind of hustle.

Say what you will about the Borg, they get free healthcare, homelessness is zero, none of them seem to be depressed…

Beo caught me wulfin’

In my first book of literary theory, i put forward the idea that Barthes didn’t go far enough. You can buy “Death to the Author” later this month

Dr, draping stethoscope around neck: Well, Michael- Me: Mickey's alright. Dr: Mickey, there's no other way to say this... you're- apart from the hickies, you're fine. In fact, you're so fine, it's having a deleterious effect on my mental health

We didn’t deserve Sinéad O’Connor

HELM: Brace for absolutely no impact!

Can we please refer to “verified” accounts as “X-positive”?

*On the bridge, klaxons blaring, sparks showering from the consoles, scorched crewmen slumped unconscious* MUSK: Damage report?! HELM: Multiple critical systems failing, main feed unresponsive— We’re coasting on raw brand recognition, sir. MUSK, stroking his chin: What if…?

Should anyone be bailing out of this nightmare, I am also on BlueSky (provided I’m not part of why you’re fleeing)

“slurp slurp. interlinked. yes yes yes ice cream so good. interlinked. thank you lopez. interlinked. gang gang. interlinked. slay haha. interlinked.”

This woman is playing the world's hardest game of BopIt and it terrifies me...

RTE’s three hidden accounts being named Active, Astus, and Miroma makes it sound like they were running the Weapon X programme.

I don’t know the difference between a Jack Ryan and a Jack Reacher and I refuse to learn