ShinyMcShine: Simpsons Quotes
@ShinyMcShine_
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Henry K. Duff’s Private Reserve of Quotes from #TheSimpsons . Junior vice president @ReindeerPate
England
Joined November 2020
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"Hi, everyone. If I could just say a few words, I'd be a better public speaker."
#TheSimpsons
#PublicSpeaking
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"Okay, Bart. Your turn, your turn."
"You got the dud!"
"Hey, he looks just like you, Poindexter!"
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"Wait a minute. There's something bothering me about this place. I know! This lesbian bar doesn't have a fire exit! Enjoy your deathtrap, ladies."
"What was her problem?"
#InternationalWomensDay
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"Billy Corgan, Smashing Pumpkins." "Homer Simpson, smiling politely."
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"Can't you see they're sucking the life out of us?"
"Homer, maybe you'd have more fun at Moe's tonight."
"Ah, for some reason, Moe's always closed on Wednesdays."
"And then they realized they were no longer little girls. They were little women."
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"Hans Moleman Productions presents Man Getting Hit by Football."
"This contest is over. Give that man the $10,000."
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"Hello, Homer. I'm George Harrison."
"Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Where did you get that brownie?"
"Over there. There's a big pile of 'em."
"Oh, man."
"Wow. What a nice fella."
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"Watch out for the Shaq attack."
"Ow!"
"I told you to watch out."
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"Greetings, good man. Might I trouble you for a drink?"
"Oh, get outta here, Homer."
"Homer? Who is Homer? My name is Guy Incognito"
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"Hmm. We didn't have a message when we left. How very odd."
🎶Hello Muddah, Hello Faddah,
Here I am at Camp Granada🎶
"Marge, is Lisa at Camp Granada?"
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"Hey what gives. These doughnuts are piling up."
"Homer Simpson went on a diet."
"Oh, my God, and I just bought a boat."
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"Mr. Simpson, the tar fumes are making me dizzy!"
"Yeah, they'll do that."
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"Marge?"
"Yes, Homie?"
"That's it! You people have stood in my way long enough! I'm going to clown college!"
"I don't think any of us expected him to say that."
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'Aha! Aw. Twenty dollars. I wanted a peanut."
(Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts.)
"Explain how."
(Money can be exchanged for goods and services.)
"Whoo-hoo! Whoa!"
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"All right, here's the 411, folks. Say some gangsta is dissin' your fly girl. Ya just give' em one of these."
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"Here are your messages.
You have 30 minutes to move your car."
You have 10 minutes.
Your car has been impounded.
Your car has been crushed into a cube. You have 30 minutes to move your cube."
"Y'ello. Mr. Burns's office."
"Is it about my cube?"
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"Is your name Bart?"
"Mm-hmm."
"What the-- Does your father know you're working here?"
"It was his idea."
"In that case, I'll have a whiskey sour."
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"Mom, Dad! Bart's dead!"
"That's right! Dead serious about going to Itchy & Scratchy Land."
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"This is the happiest day of my life-- Hi-yi-ya!"
"Got it! No shock for me!"
"Oh, yeah?"
"Whoa! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!"
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"Ooh! Look at me. I'm making people happy. "I'm the magical man from Happy Land, in a gumdrop house on Lollipop Lane." Oh, by the way, I was being sarcastic."
"Well, duh."
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"Uh-oh. Ooh. Okay, don't panic. Remember what the instructor said."
"If you ever get into trouble, all you need to do is--"
"Feels like I'm wearing nothin' at all.
Nothin' at all. Nothin' at all."
"Stupid sexy Flanders!"
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"Uh, this place, Moe's, you left just before the accident, this is a business of some kind?"
(Don't tell him you were at a bar. But what else is open at night?)
"It's a pornography store. I was buying pornography."
(Heh-heh-heh. I would've never thought of that.)
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"But I did tip off the feds... as to the whereabouts of our good friend Milhouse."
"I'm telling you. I didn't do anything."
"I don't care."
"Ouch! My glasses!"
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"You there. Fill it up with petroleum distillate. And revulcanize my tyres, posthaste."
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"If I went to a barbecue and there was no meat I would say, "Yo, goober! Where's the meat?" I'm trying to impress people here, Lisa. You don't win friends with salad."
🎶You don't win friends with salad 🎶
🎶You don't win friends with salad🎶
🎶You don't win friends with salad🎶
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"Neddy! Neddy!"
"He's gaining on us!"
"I'm scared!"
"Come on, Ned! Move this thing!"
"I can't! It's a Geo!"
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"Mr. Burns, I think he's dead."
"Oh, dear. Send a ham to his widow." "Mmm. Ham."
"No, wait. He's alive."
"Oh, good. Cancel the ham."
"D'oh!"
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"Nerd!"
"Homer-- That isn't very nice."
"Marge, try to understand. There are two kinds of college students: jocks and nerds. As a jock, it is my duty to give nerds a hard time."
"Hey, pal! Did you get a load of the nerd?"
"Pardon me?"
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"Don't you get it, Springfield? It's over. You lose. Now, if you'll excuse me, all this talk has made me hungry."
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"Do you come with the car?"
"Oh, you."
"Do you come with the car?"
"Oh, you."
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'Mrs. Krabappel and Principal Skinner were in the closet making babies. And I saw one of the babies. And the baby looked at me."
"The baby looked at you? Sarah, get me Superintendent Chalmers."
"Thank you, Sarah."
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"There are only 49 stars on that flag."
"I'll be deep in the cold, cold ground
before I recognize Missouri."
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"Are you sure this is the casino? I think I should call my manager."
"Your manager says for you to shut up!"
"Vera said that? Huh."
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"Hmm. We didn't have a message when we left. How very odd."
🎶Hello, Muddah Hello, Faddah Here I am at Camp Granada🎶
"Marge, is Lisa at Camp Granada?"
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"Lisa, I apologize to you. I was wrong.
I take it all back. Always be yourself. You wanna be sad, honey, be sad.
We'll ride it out with you. And when you get finished feeling sad, we'll still be there. From now on, let me do the smiling for both of us."
#MargeSimpson
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'Bah! To hell with this! Get my razor! Draw a bath! - And get these Kleenex boxes off my feet!"
"Certainly, sir. And, uh, the jars of urine?"
"Oh, we'll hang on to those. Now, to the plant! We'll take the Spruce Moose! Hop in!"
"But, sir--"
"I said hop in."
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"Ooh, that's bad."
"But it comes with a free frogurt.' "That's good."
"The frogurt is also cursed."
"That's bad."
"But you get your choice of topping." "That's good!"
"The toppings contain potassium benzoate.....That's bad."
"Can I go now?"
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"Checks out. Okay, sir, you're free to go."
"Good, 'cause I got a hot date tonight." "A date."
"Dinner with friends."
"Dinner alone."
"Watching TV alone."
"All right! I'm gonna sit at home and ogle the ladies... in the Victoria Secret Catalog."
"Sears Catalog."
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"Homer, there's a family of possums in here."
"I call the big one Bitey."
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"We'll bring back dinner."
"What are we gonna have?"
"Well, that depends on what the teachers say. If you've been good, pizza. If you've been bad, uh, let's see--poison."
"What if 1 of us has been good and 1 of us has been bad?"
"Poison pizza."
"Oh, no. I'm not making 2 stops."
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"Talkin' outta turn, that's a paddlin'.
Lookin' out the window, that's a paddlin'. Starin' at my sandals, that's a paddlin'. Paddlin' the school canoe, ooh, you better believe that's a paddlin'."
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"Mmm. 64 slices of American cheese."
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🎶when the working day is done girls just wanna have fun that's all we really want🎶
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"Hans Moleman Productions presents...
Man Getting Hit by Football."
"Ooh!"
"This contest is over. Give that man the $10,000."
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"Just a minute! Don't hang up!"
"No answer at home. I'll call his father."
"Just a minute! Don't hang up!"
"Y'ello? You'll have to speak up. I'm wearing a towel."
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"I'll just have a cup of coffee."
"Beer it is."
"No, I said coffee."
"Beer?"
"Coff-ee."
"Be-er?"
"C-O-"
"B-E-"
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"So, what do you think, Marge? All I need is a title. I was thinking along the lines of... No TV and No Beer Make Homer-- something something."
"Go Crazy?"
"Don't mind if I do!"
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"Bye, Carl. I'm gonna miss you."
"Bye, Mr. Simpson. Oh, Mr. Simpson, did you bring an umbrella today ?"
"Doh ! No."
"Here."
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"Ha-ha!"
"Wheel him out quietly. It's best the children don't see him."
"Oh, just get it out of here! Not into the kindergarten!"
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"Wake up!"
"Marge, it's 3:00 a.m., and I worked all day."
"It's 9:30 p.m., and you spent your whole Saturday... drinking beer in Maggie's kiddie pool."
"Hmm? There you are. Thought you could get away, huh?"
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"This is Dick Clark, rockin' down to the year 2000. And that was Whitesnake."
"We're not Whitesnake, dude. We're Poison."
"I thought we were Quiet Riot."
"It says here we're Ratt."
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"Hey, what are you doing?"
"This is a pretzel town, pretty boy."
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"Did you ever notice how men always leave the toilet seat up? That's the joke."
"You suck, McBain!"
"Now, my Woody Allen impression. I'm a neurotic nerd who likes to sleep with little girls."
"Hey, that really sucked!"
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"Then came the big day. Fluffy and Fuzzy got married. That night came the honeymoon."
"Eww!"
"She's faking it."
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"Homer Simpson! You stand accused... of eating half the population of the Planet of the Doughnuts."
"As Homer's defense attorney, I feel we should be merci-- Hey! - Did you just take a bite out of me?"
"- Um, maybe."
"I sentence you to death!"
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"Hey, Barney, what'll it be?"
"I'd like a beer, Moe."
"I'd like a single plum floating in perfume, served in a man's hat."
"Here you go."
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"Gentlemen, I give you Britannia! Gambling with all the glitz and glamour of the British Isles. Best of all, the waitresses and showgirls are all real Brits. Fresh from the streets of Sussex they are!"
"Freshen your drink, governor?"
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"Look at all this great stuff, Lise. Cool, personalized plates. "Barclay, Barry, Bert, Bort!" Aw, come on. Bort?"
"Mommy, Mommy, buy me a license plate!"
"No, come along, Bort."
"Are you talking to me?"
"No, my son is also named Bort."
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"Hello, my name is Mr. Burns. I believe you have a letter for me."
"Okay, Mr. Burns. Uh, what's your first name?"
"I don't know."
"Great plan, Bart!"
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"Hello, I was wondering if you'd like to babysit my little angels."
"Sorry, this isn't Abbie. This is her sister. I look after her now."
"No, Bart, put it down. Put it down, Bart. Bart, put it down."
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"Oh, my God! That's his lucky red hat! He's a box! My boy's a box! Damn you! A box!"
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Ahh, ballet.
Hee-hee-hee. All right. Whoo-hoo! Yea!
Yeah!
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"Dad, we did something very bad!"
"Did you wreck the car?"
"No."
"Did you raise the dead?"
"Yes!"
"But the car's okay?"
"Uh-huh."
"All right, then."
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,🎶There was A little Spanish flea
A record star he thought he'd be
he heard of singers like beatles
the chipmunks he'd seen on tv
Why not a little Spanish flea? 🎶
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"It's all right. I'm a teacher!"
"I didn't know we could do that."
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"Oh, Homie. Look at that watch. I've always wanted a watch like that."
"Well, maybe someone will give you one for Christmas."
(Now she'll really be surprised when she opens that ironing board cover.)
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"I just have one thing to say. Let's have less Homer Simpsons... and more money for public schools."
"Ben, I have a question."
"No, Ben, no!"
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"Here we have an Alaskan timber wolf.
He weighs 240 pounds, and his jaws can bite through a parking meter.
He does get spooked by loud noises."
"Loud? That's our secret word for the day!"
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"Hear ye! Hear ye! Hear ye!"
"He is not the official town crier! Police, do something!"
"Well, I'd like to, ma'am, but he's too damn good. Let him march, boys. Let the man march."
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"There's only one thing to do at a moment like this: strut!"
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"Take thy beak from out my heart...
and take thy form from off my door !"
"Quoth the Raven:"
"Nevermore."
"Take thy beak from out my heart and take thy form from off my door."
"Quoth the Raven:"
"Nevermore."
"Why, you little--"
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"So then, "mono" means "one,"
and "rail" means "rail."
And that concludes our intensive three-week course."
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"But, Marge, what about dessert?"
"For God's sakes, you can pull the lid off your own can of pudding!"
"Fine. I will! Oh, no. My pudding is trapped forever! So I can open my own can of pudding, can I? Shows what you know, Marge."
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"Homer, I have to go out to pick up something for dinner."
"Steak?"
"Money's too tight for steak."
"Steak?"
"Mm, sure. Steak."
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"Mmmm 64 slices of American Cheese."
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"Ow! My eye! I'm not supposed to get pudding in it!"
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"I wash myself with a rag on a stick."
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"Take that, Washington!"
"Eat lead, Einstein."
"Show's over, Shakespeare!"
"Is this the end of zombie Shakespeare?"
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"Oh, something is definitely wrong with this hallway."
"Come on in! It's your master bedroom!"
"Ow! My nose!"
"Well, I've seen about enough."
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"Bart, you've got to go on."
"Slag off."
"You've changed, man.
It used to be about the music."
"I said slag off!"
"Cool!"
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"Oh, quit cogitating, Steinmetz, and use an open-faced club-- the sand wedge!"
"Mmm. Open-faced club sand wedge."
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"Now, calm down, Neddilly-diddilly-diddilly- diddilly-diddilly. They did their best. Shodilly-idilly- iddilly-diddilly.
Gotta be nice. Hostility-diddilly-diddilly-diddilly-- Aw, hell! Diddily-ding-dong crap!
Can't you morons do anything right?"
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"Everybody is going to family restaurants these days. Seems nobody wants to hang out in a dank pit no more."
"You ain't thinkin' of gettin' rid of the dank, are ya, Moe?"
"Ahh, maybe I am."
"Ah, but, Moe, the dank-- the dank!"
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"Ahhh, I'm just a big, toasty cinnamon bun. I never wanna leave this bed. Uh-oh. Gotta take a whiz. Think, man. Think. Think, think, think. I better get up."
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"You've gotta help! They're cooking kids in the school cafeteria!"
"Listen, kids. You're eight and 10 years old now. I can't be fighting all your battles for you."
"But, Mom!"
"No buts. You march right back to that school, look them straight in the eye and say, "Don't eat me."
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"Wow! The March 8 newspaper!"
"Cool! A book of carpet samples!" "Come on, new bike! Ohh. A soiled wig."
"Merry Christmas and a happy New Year."
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"And I didn't need molded plastic to improve my physique.Pure West.
And how come Batman doesn't dance anymore? Remember the Batusi?"
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"Dad, can we stop at Flickey's?"
"No."
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"Hey, Simpson. Race ya.
First one to the front of the bus gets Martin's lunch money."
"What?"
"Go apple!"
"Go orange!"
"Go banana!"
"Make way for grapefruit.
Go grapefruit!"
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"She'll go 300 hectares on a single tank of kerosene."
"What country is this car from?"
"It no longer exists, but take her for a test-drive and you'll agree--Zagreb ebnom zlotdik diev"
"Put it in H."
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"Someone is charging room service to the company, sir."
"Well, we'll just see about that."
"Fly, my pretties, fly!"
"Continue the research."
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"My name is Otto. I love to get blotto."
"My name is Hans. Drinking has ruined my life. I'm 31 years old."
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"And now I want you to meet your new brother, Hans Moleman."
"Cowabunga, dudes."
"Give it a try. It's like kissing a peanut."
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