Sandford Police
@Sandford_Police
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England’s smallest Police Farce, committed to catching crinimals & a swan. Don’t report crime. Emergency? Yes📞999 | No📞101 (PARODY/SATIRE) #TheGreaterGood
Sandford, United Kingdom
Joined February 2017
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Pinned Tweet
There is a lot of misinformation out there on the internet.
DC Mike Hunt advises “Please do your research, look at bios/profiles, verify information & don’t just blindly think what you’re reading is true”
Together we can beat the scammers & those intent on misleading others!
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Remember to recycle your pizza boxes
It’s for the Greta good
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All humans must keep indoors.
All humans will self isolate.
By order of the daleks.
#COVID19
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Earlier today we arrested a woman for suspected tax evasion after repeatedly selling her old clothes.
She claimed that she sold them for a fraction of what she had paid. Had paid tax on them when purchased with money she’d already been taxed on.
Investigations are ongoing.
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We have now finished with our trial of the
#EmergencyAlert
system
If you did not receive an alert on your mobile phone, then this was due to the fact that you are not scheduled to survive the upcoming extinction level event
#EmergencyAlerts
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Officers from our Roads And Transport Squad were conducting speed checks on Swan Lane, Sandford
One driver was clocked at 63mph in a 30mph zone
They provided some treats for the team, so recorded speed reduced to 29mph & a warning given
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Officers from our Roads And Transport Squad appeal for information following an incident where a van has caused an accident with a cyclist
Anyone with info relating to the van please get in touch via our website
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We understand that members of the public may be concerned that officers are making arrests to prevent any disruption to the
#Coronation
Of course people have the right to protest & express their views
Unfortunately we don’t care about those rights today. Compliance is expected
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Footage of an offence received via our Reporting Online Service
Confirmed that the passenger of the Private Hire Vehicle did not correctly utilise a seatbelt for the duration of the journey
Fine will be issued for £717.55
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Officers were called to a Burglary in progress today as two people were seen breaking into an address
Enquiries are ongoing but we will keep you abreast of any updates
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We received a report that the vehicle failed to stop for a red light
We have deducted 2 points from the drivers licence and they will be fined £8,008.13
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Nicholas Smith, 26 and Andrew Jones, 36 have been charged with attempting to cause grievous bodily harm.
The victims Haroon Khan, 22, and Mohammed Khan, 19 didn’t sustain any lasting injuries from the bar stool.
We are investigating whether to treat this as a hate crime.
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Hi Backy. Thanks for highlighting this, we will find the officer responsible and make sure that they are disciplined
I can’t be the only person who thinks it is highly unprofessional for a policeman to be drinking coffee on the street whilst he is working and policing an event.
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Officers from our Roads And Transport Squad are appealing for information
A red Mazda has forced a cyclist off the road causing minor injury
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We have passed an investigation to the Health and Safety Executive after this innocent cyclist nearly suffered serious injury after a bridge malfunction
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Appeal for information following an accident that occurred due to a Blue Porsche failing to give way to a white car
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Officers from the Rural Crime Taskforce are appealing for information after a report of Theft of Livestock
A female was seen taking a young lamb
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Officers from the Roads And Transport Squad are appealing for information following a Road Traffic Accident where a pedal cyclist crashed into a car that was completing a legal right turn
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Appeal for information following a road traffic accident where a cyclist has ridden into a moving vehicle
Officers would like to trace the cyclist who will be investigated for cycling without due care and attention
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Officers from our Roads And Transport Squad are appealing for information to trace the driver of the white vehicle which is seen to cause an accident with two cyclists
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Following one protester climbing a gantry above the
#M25
we have authoritised the use of water cannons and non lethal rubber pellets.
The public must comply. Or else.
It’s for
#TheGreaterGood
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We stopped this driver earlier as PEN15 TWAT wasn’t showing on the PNC.
We managed to identify the vehicle and driver and can firm that his attitude matched the VRN.
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Acting on intelligence received, officers from our Road Crime Prevention Unit managed to safely stop a vehicle that had disguised number plates to avoid
#ULEZ
detection
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Appeal for information
Identity of the driver of the red car in this footage is required
Officers are investigating an offence of Dangerous Driving after they were seen to cause an accident with the motorcyclist
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Following a review of the available footage, it appears that the cyclist gesticulates angrily towards the motorist
Followed up by some words by both parties which were unnecessary
Driver will receive a fine of £71.75
Cyclist will receive a fine of £800.85
Only worthy of a "Warning letter sent for inconsiderate driving" from Warwickshire Police. I was indicating to turn right approx 50yds before turn=Brake checked and 2 very, very angry people
#hockleyheath
#cycling
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Officers from the Better Transport Bureau are investigating after reports of an incident where a train failed to stop for a more vulnerable pedal cyclist
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We have been in contact with the person who reported our officers for unprofessional behaviour due to them taking part in a
#SnowballFight
We have issued this member of the public with a Penalty Notice for wasting police time which involves a Fine of £800.85
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Officers from the Roads And Transport Squad are investigating an incident where a cyclist has crashed, causing injury to a pedestrian
Once identified, the cyclist will be fined £800.85
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Local Neighbourhood Watch group have been formed to deal with the issue of inconsiderate parking in
#Sandford
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Please stop calling us because
#KateMiddleton
isn’t wearing her rings in the photo and the jumper
#PrincessCharlotte
is wearing appears distorted
This is really not a police matter
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🚨 Scammer Alert 🚨
There is an account with the username
@Conservatives
that is posting deliberately misleading information
Please do check what they post and report any misinformation to twitter
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Officers from the Roads And Transport Squad have issued an appeal following a Road Traffic Accident where a Heavy Goods Vehicle has caused contact with a van
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As of 01/12/22 asking any person in the UK where they are from is now considered a hate crime and will be investigated and prosecuted as such
Aggravating and mitigating circumstances may apply, and these will be established during the investigation
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We are appealing for witnesses after this plane was left unattended at Liverpool International Airport earlier today.
If you’ve been offered a set of Boeing alloy wheels please call us on 101 and ask for Danny
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Footage of a traffic offence received via our Reporting Online Service
Confirmed that the driver of the Heavy Goods Vehicle did not maintain a safe gap to the vehicle in front
Fine will be issued for £800.85 for Driving without Due Care & Attention
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We are in discussions with
@metpoliceuk
following a report of 15 men going missing in the
#Twickenham
area
#ENGvFRA
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@Slim_Thanos
We stopped someone and went to the drivers window and said “papers”
He said “scissors” and drove off
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Officers from our Roads And Transport Squad are investigating how footage of them appeared online this morning
It would appear that one of our new Student Officers (son of the Chief Constable) attempted some manoeuvres
No action will be taken
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Pleased to see one of the Enforcement Officers communicating effectively with a dodgy driver
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Appeal for information
We are trying to identify these pedestrians who dangerously crossed the road without yielding for the more vulnerable car driver
Please submit info via our website
When traced they will be fined between £71.75 - £800.85
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Working with Sandford Council we have improved the signage along Swan Lane
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Officers will be deployed on Operation Safer Town Centres for those attending
#ChristmasDrinks
Pedestrians will need to prove they are not intoxicated, failing the test may lead to a Fixed Penalty Notice & fine of up to £800.85
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We have investigated this incident, the driver of the Police vehicle swerved to avoid a black cat that had run across their path, causing them to make contact with the parked vehicle
We found the Officer not at fault
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Using the phrase “Hot Crossy Bs” is a hate crime and will be investigated as such
At what point in the year is it acceptable to eat a whole pack of Hot Crossy Bs for brekkie? Asking for a friend…
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Officers are appealing for information after a cyclist was seen to cause a minor injury to themselves after cycling on the pavement
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Please be advised that this is a Police vehicle and is not A CAB
You do not want to take a ride in this
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Appeal to identify this motorcyclist
Officers from Roads And Transport Squad attended but the motorcyclist had left prior to their arrival
Investigation into an offence of Riding Without Due Care & Attention is ongoing
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Officers from the Roads And Transport Squad seized this vehicle earlier today under Sec 59 Police Reform Act due to the paintwork causing alarm, distress & annoyance
Recovery costs £711.75 & fine of £800.85
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Officers from our Trains, Rail And Transport Squad are investigating an incident
Appears the driver of this train failed to give way to the more vulnerable road user
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@ArgyleBecky
Hi Backy. Thanks for highlighting this, we will find the officer responsible and make sure that they are disciplined
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One of our Bus Train Police Officers investigating a suspicious vehicle
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Appeal for information following a reported incident where pedestrians failed to stop and yield to the more vulnerable cyclists at a crossing
When traced we will issue Fixed Penalty Notices for £71.75 to offenders
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From 01/01/23 the law around riding cycles will change
All cyclists within the UK will be required to obtain a proficiency licence, retested annually
All cycles will require insurance, a MOT pass & contribute to maintain roads
Safer riders = safer roads for
#TheGreaterGood
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Unfortunately not everyone will make it, which is obviously disappointing news for some of you, but this is a price that we are willing for you to make
This is for
#TheGreaterGood
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Footage of an offence received via our Reporting Online Service
Confirmed following a review, that the rider of this bicycle did not utilise a suitable helmet, or high visibility clothing, for the duration of the journey
Fine will be issued for £800.85
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Following a rather unpleasant DM that was received by
@Sandford_Police
we tracked the offender down and attended their address to arrange a voluntary interview
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This footage was received by Force Complaints
On review it appears an officer was travelling in to work & slightly misjudged the junction
We will not take any action against the Ch Insp on this occasion, however have advised them to obtain a licence
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Officers from the Rural Crime Team are investigating after reports of a Road Traffic Accident involving a vulnerable cyclist
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We have started to ensure that all Police Dogs who use force now have to provide a statement to the CPS to satisfy DG7 guidelines
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We are a parody account and we make less detrimental impact on policing than the actual
@metpoliceuk
What, the fuck, is going on 🤷🏻♂️
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@Joey7Barton
We would have smashed your back doors in and arrested you. You’re lucky you don’t live in Sanford
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We prefer the term “documentary”
#HotFuzz
HOT FUZZ was released 17 years ago this week. The second entry in Edgar Wright’s Cornetto Trilogy and one of the most beloved British comedies this century, the tale of how it was made is like firing two guns whilst jumping through the air…
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Can the owner of the account who reported us for “impersonation” and got our account locked please come forward and identify yourself
We’d like to have a little chat
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Public Service Travel Warning
Please avoid travelling to
#London
Nothing wrong with the roads or trains, it’s just a shithole
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Officers from the Roads And Transport Squad are appealing for information to identify the dark silver car who has caused a Road Traffic Accident with a more vulnerable cyclist
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Officers from the Roads And Transport Squad are appealing for information following a Road Traffic Accident where a Porsche has caused a minor injury RTA with a motorcyclist
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Police officers across the world deal with unimaginable trauma every day
Some of these incidents leave a lasting impression on those who deal with them
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Just a reminder that the vast majority of trans people are just people trying to live their own lives
#TransDayOfVisibility
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All Sandford Police vehicles will now be fitted with a custom screen guard
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An important update from Chief Super Duperintendent Jesuis Desolé
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With
@JustStop_Oil
suggesting that Police are “complicit in climate genocide” because we are “arresting Just Stop Oil supporters” we at Sandford would like to make the following comment.
Your actions have consequences. If you don’t want to be arrested then stop breaking the law
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We have received a number of reports expressing concern about
@Joey7Barton
We have sent some Female Policeman Officers to carry out a welfare check
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One of our Chief Supts was stopped by our Road And Transport Squad during their
#DrinkDrive
campaign this evening after leaving work
Provided a positive sample which registered at 61ug/100ml
Given a warning on this occasion as it’s the first offence this month & only just over
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Appeal to trace cyclist following a collision that occurred on Shorton Grange Road
Cyclist has illegally ridden on the pedestrian crossing causing minor damage to a passing car
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Public Service Announcement
There are quite a lot of people out and about, please remember that the average member of the public is quite stupid
In large groups they become more stupider
Please avoid them
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Footage submitted through our Online Reporting Portal appears to show a number of cyclists passing through a red light
This is why cyclists should have registration plates so that we can easily track them down and issue fines
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Many thanks to Captain Slow for coming down to assist our Roads And Transport Squad on their advanced driver training
With an emphasis on safety whilst towing caravans and trailers. Officer feedback suggests it was a popular part of the course
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During warmer weather, if you leave you pets, or children, in your vehicle while you’re not there to check on them we will happily attend and break every single window in your vehicle
Every. Single. One
Don’t do it
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Following the dismissal of one of our Senior Officers we have assisted with clearing out their personal effects which included a surprising number of tomato plants from their offices
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Due to the heavy flurries of
#UKSnow
we have allowed the majority of officers to return to their homes
Two officers have been voluntold to stay on duty in case of emergencies
Please don’t have any emergencies, our response time will not be quick
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One of our officers found this whilst on Targeted Foot Patrols of a known drug hotspot
No obvious signs of ownership
If no owner is identified within a week the officer can claim the property as theirs
7.75% fee paid for admin purposes
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Officers from our Roads And Transport Squad are out on Operation Close Pass today
Any cyclist found to be passing cars too closely will be stopped & spoken to
They could be subject to a fine of up to £71.75 & seizure of their bicycle
Making roads safer in Sandford
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We have had a number of complaints of
#HateCrime
that we have passed on to our Scottish Colleagues to investigate after this video of the Chief Constable of
@PoliceScotland
was released
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With the weather warming up, a reminder that you will see Police having an ice cream on duty
If you feel you need to challenge them, don’t
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Officers from the Rods And Transport Squad are investigating an incident where a van driver has caused a minor Road Traffic Accident with a cyclist
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Our Chief Officers have made the decision to ban Andrew Tate from Sandford
We believe it’s for
#TheGreaterGood
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Online report of an allegation of malicious communications via a twitter DM
Our officers attended an address to speak with the person responsible and invite them in for a voluntary interview
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Officers carried out a vehicle stop, group of males insist they were being persecuted for a crime they didn’t commit
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