College Professor
@ReadTheSyllabus
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a co-authored account. authors listed in alphabetical order. contents may contain cynical observations of colleagues & students with student generated cursing
Classrooms everywhere
Joined February 2014
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New one today:
Student called me over during exam
Pointed to a question & said
“I wasn’t here the day this was covered & I didn’t get the notes.”
And then stopped & stared at me expectantly.
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Among the many reasons that grading sometimes angers me:
The distinct impression I am spending Way more time on the work than the students did
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At the suggestion of
@tmontgomeryrn
since most grades are in:
We would like to see the most ridiculous evaluation comments you have received
Good, bad, goofy
Retweets are appreciated!
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It’s amazing how quickly the student you can’t get in touch with will reach out to you when you post a zero for a major grade.
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The customer service model of higher ed is leading us to a point where a complaint of a 18 year old, that skips class, won’t read the syllabus, & won’t try to study are given greater weight than the exp, training, and knowledge of a 20 year faculty member
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As we read these horrible student eval comments we ponder, which other professions cater so much to the whims of those without experience or knowledge? Our team has over 45 years exp teaching college, yet, we are expected to react to the whims of 18 yr olds
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So many students disparaging professor’s tech skills as the Higher Ed world switches online. Meanwhile I know some of my students can’t click the tab in blackboard that says “Syllabus”
For real the tech ability gap for some students is still high
Anticipate some coaching on tech
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Students blasting professors due to lack of info about class changes:
1) we don’t know the answers
2) we are trying to figure it out
3) we understand the anxiety, we have it too
4) it’s not personal
- Take a breath, have some of the patience, we are working on it!
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Btw, If you choose to follow this account & then come at us saying we should quit cause “we hate students & our job” you will be blocked
We each work over 70 hours a week trying to help young people
Thx for the advice, but we don’t need your considered, expert opinion
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Some day I’ll work for a Dean or
@ass_deans
who will address the specific faculty member behaving poorly instead of issuing broad decrees that target everyone.
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“Teaching” in the students as customers era
Student: You didn’t tell us
Me: it’s in the syllabus, LMS announcements, emails, videos & covered in class
Student: I never heard it
Me: well, you missed 40% of the classes
Student: not fair!
Chair: you must let the student make it up
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For parents looking at grades...it’s probably not true that the professor “hated” your kid, or that “nothing was explained”
That is possible, but not likely
However, It is likely your kid did not Read the Syllabus
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Dear Professor,
In class, and on the syllabus, it says we need to submit a hard copy of the assignment.
Does that mean we need to submit a hard copy of the assignment?
Thanks!
HEY professors! Honest Question
Are some of y’all out there lying to these people?
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Roses are red
Violets are blue
I didn’t read the Syllabus
Cuz I could just email you
#academicvalentines
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I often reflect that not only did my PhD program give zero teacher training, it also gave me no training as a counselor
And yet my job.....
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Students want clarity about how the term is gonna play out and I legit can’t keep up with what day of the week it is
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Universities in Other states are hiring
Texas A&M University has suspended a professor after she was accused of allegedly “criticizing” Republican Lt. Governor Dan Patrick.
🔗
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Deep into the “I really need extra credit” emails from students who have not attended classes/emailed or texted before now part of the term
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Academia: where purposefully not working on a Saturday leads to feelings of panic on Sunday
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"Is there extra credit?" Asks the student who has not turned in any assignments to date.
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American professor contemplating a move to a country where my students will not be gunned down in the street by my President. Reply with opportunities, I’m prolly not alone
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Professor...I know you have 250 students, and you have a system to try to manage that, but I’m special. My mom said so, Please let me break all of the rules, it won’t cause a problem.
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Professor life in 2021:
Seeing a student outside & having no idea who they are, or
that they are on your class, cause you’ve never seen them without a mask
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No
Do something else “selfish” first
One more book
Call one more old friend
Take one more nap
Ignore email one more day
We promise you the students don’t need additional time to ignore your syllabus
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Confession:
After decades teaching I have stopped reading student evaluations.
I know better than they do if I’ve done a good or bad job & why. I’m harder on myself than they are, likely for better reasons (not because of gender, race, age, class time, jokes, etc)
Send the hate
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Dear Professor,
When is our exam?
Thanks!
Signed one of the 200 students you have across a whole bunch of classes who thinks it’s easier for you to look me up and then confirm the date in the class I am in than look at the schedule you provided in multiple locations.
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Remember.
We all make over $200,000 annually, never work in summers, have students so eager to learn that they not only read the syllabus...they become indoctrinated
We also are not worried about school shootings, our own & our students health, & can afford basic necessities
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So he can live a life with his family, or by himself, with his exorbitant salary, without having to be responsive to you 24/7/365
My professor just said he’s not responding to emails after 5pm.......why tf you a teacher then?!?!
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Honest question.
Anyone else exhausted already?
RT, like, respond in gif, or ignore for yes.
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Starting to like online meetings. Idk...there is Something freeing about momentarily muting & shouting “WTF?” & only having the pet look at me funny. Or, muting video & taking a bathroom break, or just muting the know nothing, work creating, mansplainer
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Ever wonder why the old, sexist, mean, professor still works in your department?
Well, perhaps people are not calling him out on his toxic behavior.
Or, when you do (like I did today) your department chair shrugs
Because your department chair is a chicken shit avoiding real work
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Dear Prof;
I’ve ignored your class completely for 2 weeks. How will this affect my grade? You MUST get back to me ASAP!
Thanks
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Posted grades, getting zero emails, ready to check with IT cause our sever must be down
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Are instructors often tricking students?
—————-
Dear Professor:
I wanted To Check & make sure that we are only supposed to do the three things you said in class for the assignment. I noticed the powerpoint and syllabus also say those three things, but is that it?
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Some of us have PhDs that predate Google
sometimes I think getting a PhD is mostly about getting really good at knowing what to google
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Higher education in America:
My office is 53°
I turn on a space heater
Achieve 65° and climbing!
Staff come by
“either turn off the heater or have it confiscated”
Meanwhile the football team is lifting weights in a multimillion dollar building with state-of-the-art HVAC
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Amy, we often don’t even equip Ph.D. Students for a career IN higher education
Universities must equip Ph.D. students for a variety of careers outside higher education (opinion)
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The first time we hear from a student should not be a begging Email about their final grade
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So fun to see the arguments on student debt devolve into pronouncements about overpaid college professors.
News flash for the “facts” screamers out there.
No. The avg salary for a University prof is not $400,000
No. The avg salary for a University prof is not $140,000
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Hey Prof?
I worked really hard all term, & went all out on that paper. Is there anything you can do to help me, my grade is bad, don’t be mean
(Reviews notes)
Let’s see, you attended 20% of the classes, you skipped all of the easy work, you did 30% of the paper assignment.
Sigh
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At the risk of being called names by folks saying I’m not friendly/helpful to 1st generation college students...
Is it really too much to expect juniors to staple their own papers? The class is very, very, large class.
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Me when they look for committee volunteers at a faculty meeting
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Dear profs,
Please have all of your assignments pre-loaded online. Also, designate a colleague to add as a TA in your online companion section to go with the f2f we are forcing you into.
Don’t worry! It’s safe! We sent the kids an email to not party!
Not even kidding,
Chair
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So....all of those highly paid administrators we hired to help with student experience for retention....WTH are they doing now?
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The question was answered. What's the problem?
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Who knew posting that I would prefer My students not get shot would be a controversial post.
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Spend way to much time responding to new policies written by my chair or
@ass_deans
that address ALL of the dept/college that are really aimed at ONE person.
My leadership would rather yell at everyone than have an honest conversation with one individual
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Many of us don’t have empty classrooms. Maybe it’s not always the students
Lecture attendance is now so low that some academics have started to openly question the future of the teaching method, writes Jack Grove
@jgro_the
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Student evaluations:
1-Professor did a terrible job communicating during the pandemic.
2-Professor communicated more, & more effectively than any other professor
🤷🏻♀️ guess both could be true
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I’ve got students that have 100% ghosted me, and students that are emailing every hour. I find myself spending hours reaching out to the ghosts, and hours trying to placate the constant need for attention from others.
In between lies me, working by myself, 7 days a week
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Insight into why we refuse begging emails
We were “introverted, do your work, don’t make waves, students”
For every begging email/request you get there is a student in your class that also needs help, but won’t ask
A system that rewards the asker ignores the quiet rule follower
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Faculty meeting today! Those faculty we hardly ever see will be there.
They bring complaints & impossible work ideas for others to do! Then they will disappear again into the mist.
Only emerging when free food is offered
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“Hey!
Syllabus says A, announcement reminder says A, link says A...just wanna check, do you want A?”
Dearest student,
Who hurt you? Point to the teacher who asks for A, but wanted B. I’m in an asskicking mood-point me in their direction please.
Yes, please do A.
Thanks
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It’s amazing how many academics are so far into the customer service mentality of HE that they will bash others for not giving up their entire life for students
You can’t simultaneously talk about work life balance & say there is no limit to what we must do for a student
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Anyone else work at a school that lacks basic funding for ...anything?
HVAC - constant fail
Email - so corrupted by hackers & fixes it’s probably better to use gmail
Classrooms - see HVAC & add failing tech
Bathrooms - omg
But? Our men’s sports facilities are AWESOME
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It’s getting far too late in the term to expect anything other than sarcasm and perhaps snark at any faculty meeting
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Struggling with the reality of my students perception of college
Refuse to read
Reluctant to study
Demand lectures be entertaining
Frustrated with their grade
Expect to magically know the material
Feel cheated by higher education
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The few times I took vacation I was so overwhelmed with work upon return (that no one ever does for me while I’m gone) I said “never again”
We are basically unsupported independent contractors with constantly increasing work for survival expectations
Do any academics actually spend spring break relaxing, or are we all just trying to catch up on email and grading and conference paper writing and the rest?
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Surely someone has written a ChatGPT syllabus by now?
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Teaching During A Pandemic: A Longitudinal Study of Suckiness
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Another awesome thing about working in academia?
We have no idea what this “Christmas Bonus” thing that is in so many holiday movies is.
Unless it has something do with a day without emails
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Student thanked me for the “obnoxiously complete” instructions for the paper in my class
Not my 1st rodeo
Will have multiple students not follow those obnoxious guidelines
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Sooooo...you might drop my class?
Okay.
I’ll be crushed, but...sigh..sniff...maybe I’ll get over it
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Idk what to say to this student.
Idk why this type of interaction, which is increasing in frequency, drives me so crazy.
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Some of our students think class is Like Netflix
On-their-demand, assessments, class, etc
Classes are larger than ever, students are needier than ever
support for us is at an all time low
We are doing as much as we can, the best that we can
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Just posted a new syllabus.
It is 80% university mandated policy statements
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Email has increased our workload dramatically, our pay has not gone up.
My next email from HR about how to manage my health need to say “stop answering email, it causes high blood pressure, and overall poor health”
#boycottemail
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Some of us remember days of faculty lines for the enrollment we had, research funding that was not privately controlled, the institution’s ability to fund toilet paper, heating, the occasional bagel... & not being worried about getting shot
So.....No
Enrollments, research funding, and the number of faculty have exploded over the past 40 years. Despite all the naysaying, is this higher education’s golden age?
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Dear Professor,
What chapters are on the test tomorrow? I’m freaking out! Can you email me ASAP!
Student
—-
Perhaps stress could be reduced by finding some document (found online!) that had the answer to that question (and more!)
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Yeah, people don’t read those emails either
Professors having students come in on the first day of the semester just to read them the syllabus is the university equivalent of a meeting that should have just been an email.
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Yearning for the days when the biggest windmill this account tilted at was students unwillingness/inability to read the syllabus
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Anyone else thinking that college terms (semester, quarter, whatever) now last too long?
We are weeks past anyone’s ability to maintain attention
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Some of my colleagues have email signatures that are out of control.
We are unsure of the proper ratio, but 10 lines of signature to one line of email message seems much.
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Had.
Had time to prepare.
But no. We have spent the summer getting trained on hybrid & flex & making up new words to describe new modalities.
Doing all except preparing for what is actually coming
More remote instruction is likely this fall, but at least you have time now to prepare. Here’s a summer syllabus to guide your self-training.
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Dear student,
Despite what Foxnews tells you I don’t get paid enough to answer the questions you have because you skipped class.
Sorry you were told I was your personal assistant in our recruiting information.
I’m not.
Thanks for your continued indifference!
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I eagerly await the evaluation feedback saying “we were not given ANY instructions about the paper”
Cause a dedicated section in the syllabus &
Blackboard tab with 2 videos & explicit instructions &
2 zoom chat Q&A sessions is not enough
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Listed in the faculty handbook as a benefit of tenure
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No one told me that so much of “teaching” was going to be dealing with “I forgot to do the assignment” emails
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I LOVE when a student writes a thoughtful paper that follows the instructions
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Please remember professors. No exams during homecoming, before or after any home sporting event, none before, or after, any holiday. Nothing around any student’s birthday as well
Actually, what are you doing having class? Just take their tuition & go get a coffee
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“Dear professor,
I know it says we have to do ALL of the chapter assignments. Does that include chapters 1 & 2? Just checking.”
Next semester syllabus...
”do the chapter assignments from chapters 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11 & 12”
Why syllabi are too long
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Naw. If sighs stopped us we would never have completed our graduate programs
Professors feed on sighs
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Or perhaps required to by policy. But thanks for the judgement
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I spend the majority of my waking hours imploring people who pay exorbitant sums for access to my knowledge & insights to please pay attention to said guidance & to please note the instructions I’ve painstakingly provided for their success
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Read The Syllabus
If academics made candy hearts, what would they say?
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I’m so tired of hearing that NCAA athletes “get nothing”
As someone who tries to educate athletes my work is not “nothing”
So, please stop telling the students in my class working 2 jobs that the degree they are paying for is “nothing”
Thx. Rant over
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Demand they teach simultaneously multiple modalities, cut off financial support with a “we can get through this together” email, set guidelines for faculty to clean, ask faculty to not have children, demand faculty be emotionally supportive to students, hire more football coaches
Revisiting a point I frequently made back in March/April: College leaders, what are you doing to address burnout among your faculty and staff?
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Dear Student:
I did not "ignore" your email
I read it & was dumbfounded by your lack of initiative to find the answer yourself
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Watching College kids party like they have been cooped up for 5 months all over the country...
Ummm...what did we think would happen?
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Currently at the “forgot my password” stage of holiday break.
Next goal?: forget my chair’s name
Final goal?: forget the name of my academic institution
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What is a good dinner for a professor who spent the day “ruining student’s lives”?
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As we continue to get hateful messages from persons who disagree with our tweets just a note that if you are pro-killing we are just going to block you. Thanks for checking in
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Could someone point us to the scientists getting rich out of making up climate change?
I’m looking for the corporations that fund that cause I, and many other researchers, need a sugar daddy.
We have student loans to pay
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We asked
#chatgtp
the best advice for a student to succeed in class
“To be successful a student should start by reading the syllabus”
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New student complaint paraphrased..
I cheated on the online exam, & made such a good grade that now I’m mad that the homeworks, where I can’t cheat, have Lower grades. I need you to make the homework cheatable, cause I like high grades
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Dear Professor,
I see you posted all of my grades. What does my grade calculate too? Would that be that “calculated grade” column? Can I make a B?
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