Hey Chris Rock. This is me getting steroid injections for my alopecia. Is this hilarious to you? are you dying laughing? I bet you are. Well what if the needle was a Japanese torpedo and my chin was Pearl Harbor...? Not so funny now is it.
Got some crystal clear 4k footage from my seats in the atmosphere of
@hen_ease
soul leaving his body while
@BarstoolBigCat
and
@stoolpresidente
celebrate quite literally on top of his corpse lmao
on an 8 hour flight to norway and me and the stewardess are sitting face to face. either going to be the worst night of my life or i find my wife. no in between.
Dude made me stay in vegas for 6 days just to film him for 10 mins of training just to fight for 6 seconds what a FRAUD. Have fun running that car wash my g
Yesterday I was commentating on pickup basketball from my apartment window when I was suddenly thrust into covering a 5 alarm fire. Some people are calling me a hero for my reporting. I just want to get back to covering what I love, which is the awful players in my neighborhood.
almost accidentally force quit myself last night. couldn’t sleep/felt weird and luckily realized the stove was on and my apartment had been filled with gas for three hours straight. all good tho what’s the move this weekend.
I was getting ready to board my flight to Denver (private plane) and this kid in his late 20’s with a hilariously small suitcase asked me to take a picture of him. Hope he’s not on my flight.
when your flight out of nowhere mississippi gets delayed 4 hours because there is a dent in the wing from a bird and you took a full edible so you could vibe on the plane but the edibles have now backfired and are now making time pass even slower
Went and got my vaccination today and since it’s 420 they let me take Pfizer out of a gravity bong. Insane head high. They asked if I wanted J&J and I told them I don’t smoke mids.
It’s a real shame that I spent hours captioning this just for tik tok to immediately take it down for copyright infringement. Would have def broken the record for most likes. Guess we‘ll never know.
“Yeah so basically what I’m saying is that I’m kind of a comedian myself. I bought this plant and I named her felicity. Everyday I read her horoscope to her. fucking hilarious”
My debit card has been compromised by a reckless Indian man who thinks you can smell through the internet. And apparently it has caused me so much stress that my beard is disintegrating like it’s thanos at the end of avengers. Thoughts and prayers please.
Here’s some Sunday scaries for you. Me and this girl broke up and now she’s giving every guy who has dm’d her, my number. So my phone is just getting BOMBARDED by horny dudes who have been hoodwinked. Telling these guys the truth is breaking my heart.
@callherdaddy
please advise
When a friendly bet turns into you becoming a struggling late 90’s reggae drummer who also addicted to long boarding. But Junda’s honor their bets and this whole thing was my idea so it’s going get real tropical and real frosty this spring.
Taking to women while they are sitting in beach chairs is one of the hardest arenas to interact with women in. Almost zero chance of success. Very much like halo 3 on legendary difficulty.
When youtube sent the copyright notice this was the screen grab that was referenced lmao. There has never been a more appropriate time for sandstorm by Darude to be played than this.
Are you tired of ancestry companies taking too long to get results? Come to InstantDNA and get results immediately. All you have to do is spit on us. (me)
Just spotted what I think is Jake Marsh in soho. Didn’t say hi bc he was looking much more vascular than normal and to be perfectly honest I was scared.
So basically my friend
@BarstoolRia
is a huge outer banks fan. So everyone started tweeting
#GetRiaOnOuterBanks
and it started trending immediately. Now she has an Emmy.
I recently came across my psychological evaluation where I was diagnosed with ADD and dyslexia and this part is hilarious. Keep in mind I am 16 at this time.
Two year anniversary of this lovely day. Now that I’m out of the NCAA I can finally post this. Playoff beard was bucking, nipple hair going bonkers. Seniors feel free to make a remake of your own if you get the chance. Good luck to the boys in Buffalo.
Where do I apply to manage a forrest. I was unaware that was a position. I want to own and govern my own forrest. it will be immune to fires and I live in a huge treehouse in the center.
So there’s this thing right called the
#barstoolfund
right and
@stoolpresidente
has raised like 15 million dollars for small businesses and if you don’t donate I’m literally going to leave you at this Astros game
Randomly got courtside seats to the knicks celtics game tonight and i’m furious I don’t have time to prepare a fit. Also furious i’m wearing Jordan 1’s bc it feels like a pander. Talk to me is this going to be a flop.
I finally listened to chiclets and I wanted to clear up some confusion on the bet between me and Grinnell where he has to bike around manhattan in full hockey gear.
I’ve looked up to
@BizNasty2point0
for a long time so the only thing better than working with him is getting a picture where it looks like he wants to consume me.
Tonight…
Three guys who aren’t Trent, will play as Trent in a competition to see which of them is the best at being Trent. The prize?
The Trent Cup presented by Trent.
live at 8pm est.