Today England’s dogs vote for their favourite mayor. Or something. My vote’s on the one with the most bacon in their socks.

Bear market - if not friend market, then why friend market shaped?

Just finished recording a 9pm Edict with @stilgherrian - this was the best one. I think we needed the other four as a run up. Will share when edited down from 7 hours of recordings.

https://t.co/6ovW755Kz1 4.5 years after episode 25 - it’s episode 26 of the Cheerful Despair podcast!

Remember the rule: Middle class and care about inequality = Champagne Socialist Working class and care about inequality = Politics of Envy

When I wrote The Wicker Man Preservation Society ( https://t.co/bjnCx7qm55) I made up the entirely ridiculous idea of competitive sleeping (based on the scoring system for diving). Just found out there has since been established a real World Sleeping Championship #WSC. 🤯

My twitter timeline this morning

I’ve been calling the UK Government racist for years, but apparently you need to know about football before anyone pays attention. 🙄

“Restoring the timeline” is the most cis male heterosexual white privilege of all the sci-fi tropes. …And now I’m going to spend a lot of today wondering what’s the most trans gay black anarchy of all the sci-fi tropes.

Hello @elonmusk my name is Brian Butterfield. I have started over 3000 (and counting!) businesses in just over 30 years. I think I can help

I don’t want to start a bad science fiction film, but - as a civilisation - I don’t think we’re paying enough attention to the Moon.

Some podcast updates: I’m recording with @dfpiii on 26 Oct Australian time, assuming the UK still exists by then, so that will be fun. And some time in Nov I’ll finally get to that submarine episode, recording with @covertshores and maybe others.

As a mark of #respect, the new episode of Cheerful Despair, due for release on Monday 19th Sept, has been deleted. The recycle bin has been emptied and the affected sectors of all non-volatile storage media have been deliberately overwritten repeatedly with nonsense data.

Today is the Summer Solstice - so maybe you want to read my story of a human sacrifice cult and a remote Scottish tea room? https://t.co/BYKIKwYOOu The Wicker Man Preservation Society - Burn the World, Save Yourself.

NEW PODCAST: “The 9pm Extensive Salad-Tossing of the Monarchy with David F Porteous” @dfpiii (1h45m45s) https://t.co/ewX27IqaxQ Like it? Tell your friends, and maybe even do the needful at https://t.co/fpV4yKjxKl. It’s a long episode with some surprising twists.

Truth is, as a corporation, you can’t say “Happy Pride” anymore. You have to say “Merry 1st through 30th of June.” As a legally incorporated entity, if you say “Happy Pride” you know what’ll happen - you’ll be sent to prison. It’s political correctness gone mad. I blame the EU.

Has anyone ever had a slice of bread the same size as a toastie machine?

Rob Schneider deploys his amazing dramatic range to play both parts in - Doubtfyre & Pricejack - promised in theatres this summer, but never arriving. Tickets are $4,000.

If this gets funded, I’ll travel (virtually) to virtual Australia to have another chat with Stil which makes virtual sense. Is that what you want? ‘Cause that’s what’ll happen.

We're rewatching "Star Trek 2: Wrath of Khan". The USS Reliant's command code is "16309". Typing in this number gives anyone control of the whole starship. I feel the Federation could have made this harder to hack, frankly.