๐ข๐น๐ถ๐๐ฒ๐ฟ ๐ ๐ฎ๐น๐๐บ๐ฎ๐ป
@OliverMaltman
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This is my favourite exchange in a very long time. Care of Mickey Rourkeโฆ
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Gary Oldmanโs four hour transformation into Simon Cowell.
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My local coffee shop are a friendly lot.
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Wishing a speedy recovery to the comic genius that is Barry Humphries.
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Thereโs no way of describing this. Which is why I took a photo.
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100 years ago today this lot were having a ball.
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Hanginโ with Pat.
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Craig looked very dapper last night.
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@MooseAllain
Physical equivalent: I once left a meeting with a casting director and, thinking she was going to shake my hand - she was pointing to the door - shook her finger.
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Last night we left our kitten playing with Lego. This morningโฆ
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What a lovely thing. I know how much this must mean to the gang, watching Luke Skywalker as children only to be watched by him as adults. The circle is complete.
Binge-watched the original UK version of
@GhostsCBS
. Same premise, but different spirits, different vibe & uniquely British. It is also EXCELLENT on every level & deserves your attention. Now my 3 favorite comedies feature either dead people or vampires.
(
@theshadowsfx
)๐ป๐ง๐
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โRedRum. RedRum. REDRUM.โ
Thanks to the nationโs resolve, horseracing is back from Monday
Wonderful news for our wonderful sport
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Mark Rothko - Untitled
(Yellow and Blue 1954)
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Jim Davidson ought to form his own dance troupe called Anti-Diversity. A group of ageing, white sacks of shit, dragging themselves across the stage in an attempt to convey the plight of heartburn sufferers with darts elbow and Stella stained bootcuts.
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Why are the press not screaming at him, on a daily basis, with absolute justification, โWHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, YOU UTTER FUCKING MORON?โ
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Might have a wank.
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@LeeAndersonMP_
People choosing to call you stupid because it looks like youโre contradicting yourself. What youโre saying is, he wouldnโt be allowed to make programmes *today*. However, Iโve no doubt he would have moved with the times as he was a notoriously nice and bright man - unlike you.
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Just had an ice cream then helped my son finish his. Moments later saw an incredibly toned and topless man jogging down the road. I watched him run, wishing I could achieve his bronzed sheen and physical prowess. Then I did a fart.
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This was a singular piece of brilliance. Unlike anything Iโve seen. Some of the finest writing to hit the small screen. Every performance was deep and wide and affecting. Even knowing
@TobiasMenzies
and Paul Ready - yeah, I know celebs - couldnโt pull me out of the world. WATCH.
Suspicion and panic sweep through the crew... ๐
Tune in to
@BBCTwo
at 9pm tonight for episodes 8 & 9 of
#TheTerror
.
โญ๏ธ
@JaredHarris
,
#JackColgraveHirst
,
#SianBrooke
,
#AnthonyFlanagan
,
#KevinGuthrie
,
#JoeHurst
&
#CharlieKelly
๐ฌ Editor:
#AndrewMacRitchie
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@michaelgove
You and your โclumsyโ rape jokes, eh? Such a card. Sorry, did I say card...?
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I love this outtake: how much Sellers struggles to look at Liz Smith. โI donโt think I can do this.โ
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If we leave with a No Deal Brexit, weโve demonstrated our inability to strike a deal. How then do we propose to negotiate with the rest of the worldโs nations when, as with the EU, they hold all the cards? This reeks of Etonian arrogance - a new fragrance by Chan(n)el.
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Beautiful Jeff.
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I was lucky enough to make a fleeting visit to Button House this yearโฆ
๐ป Ghoultide greetings! Fancy spending Christmas Day with the residents of Button House? Youโre in luck - the Ghosts Christmas Special is on
@BBCOne
and
@BBCiPlayer
on Christmas Day from 7.25pm
More โก๏ธ
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This sack of barren promises.
This babbling wedge of privilege.
This waggish gust of wind.
This clod of narcissism.
This spam sophist.
This haunted buffoon.
This uncredible hulk.
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TRUMP:
Iโd now like to hand over to my Chief Medical Advisor.
C.M.A:
HI, IโM BARRY SCOTT!
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Thameslink automatic doors.
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When I was about 12 my parentsโ neighbour came round. Iโd just got a fart machine and hid in my room, setting it off and stifling my hysterics, in the knowledge they could hear me outside. I later found out she was telling my mum she had cancer.
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If this is ends up being the peak of my contribution to television, Iโm okay with that.
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@simonblackwell
My parents knew a very camp old lecturer who worked in Washington DC. One day he was taking a stroll and strayed into a rough neighbourhood. He was held up at knife point and asked for his money, to which he replied, โDonโt be so silly, Iโm British,โ and marched off.
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I'd like to go back to 15th century Sherwood Forest - England laden with superstition, primitive living standards, high infant mortality, subjugation of women - and I'd like to play Bryan Adams Everything I Do through a large sound system. Don't tell me they wouldn't be moved.
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Pillage People
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The mighty Jon Stewart. And the even mightier first responders.
Watch Jon Stewart's speech slamming US Congress for its inaction supporting 9/11 victims and first responders.
"What an incredible metaphor this room is. ... Behind me, a filled room of 9/11 first responders, and in front of me, a nearly empty Congress."
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Peter Sellers died 37 years ago today. Few comic actors achieve the sublime. He did.
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American exceptionalism: so-called freedom that bans abortion then fails to protect children with sensible gun laws. So-called religious devotees who endorse white supremacy in a land that was taken from Native Americans. The endless hypocrisy is maddening.
"Why only in America?"
US Senator Ted Cruz walks away from
@Stone_SkyNews
after being asked if "this is the moment to reform gun laws"
#TedCruz
#America
#Texasshooting
#gunlaws
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My son decided to play chess by his own rules, which involved putting all the white pieces on the white squares and all the black pieces on the black squares, then yelling, โCHESS!โ Itโs a lot easier than chess.
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Released 30 yrs ago today. Many happy returns,
#BruceRobinson
@RichardEGrant
@pauljmcgann
@Ralphwjbrown
@HandmadeFilmsUK
A v special film.
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The Single Most Embarrassing Moment in Recorded History:
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If you take full responsibility for the worst death rate in the world and the governmentโs tragic handling of the crisis, shouldnโt you resign
@BorisJohnson
, immediately?
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Supermarket security guards never look up to the job.
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An extract from Clive Jamesโ introduction to Unreliable Memoirs:
โRilke used to say that no poet would mind going to jail, since he would at least have time to explore the treasure house of his memory. In many respects Rilke was a prick.โ
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Just found my first TV job. The Bill โ95. Might stick it on the showreelโฆ
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This is one of the most depressing things Iโve ever seen; and Iโve seen Escape Plan 2.
THIS MAN IS A DANGEROUS THUG.
Please check out my campaign launch video. Time to deliver Brexit and unite our fantastic country. I hope you will support me >
@BackBoris
#BackBoris
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If the Daily Mail was a shoe...
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Insisting a child is born, then failing to protect that life with stringent gun control - that's amore.
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.
@piersmorgan
Imagine if those men had been abused, suppressed, treated with utter contempt... I think the feminists would march with them.
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โค๏ธ
Childrenโs television legend Brian Cant showed us how he got his job on Play School, as the programme turned 15
#onthisday
in 1979.
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Finally we get to celebrate the horror show that is 2020.
Happy Halloween, one and all.
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โCuntsโ
GB News says it wants to hire โdisruptors and innovatorsโ who will approach the news in a "provocative and entertaining way"
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A manโs man. A ladiesโ man. A modern man. On the Isle of Man. Meet
#Mindhorn
. In cinemas May 5th.
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Michael Caine has a big surprise for you if you donโt stay indoors.
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Last night I found these in my sonโs bed. This is going to be an awkward conversation.
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This man was born before Mozart.
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If this really is the end of Twitter, my address is:
48 Landsdowne Road,
London
NW3 3XJ
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Sylvester Stallone meets Kenneth Williams.
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So pleased to know heโs going strong. What a charismatic actor and what a great face.
Happy 91st Birthday John Astin! Born March 30, 1930...
"Cara mia!" :) Over 145 film and television roles including Move Over Darling (Clyde Prokey), That Touch of Mink (Mr. Everett Beasley) - and of course TV's Gomez Addams!
#AddamsFamily
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@richardosman
I read he loved motorbikes so much that he played the fence, just so he could catch a glimpse of the bikeโs knickers as it sailed over.
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This is a particularly lovely passage from Lara Maiklemโs wonderful book Mudlarking. โฆ
@LondonMudlark
โฉ
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For a brief moment I thought this was new Mrs Brownโs Boys.
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Sitting in the kitchen as our cat leaps up the wall, falls off surfaces and terrifies himself in the mirror. Heโs like a silent film star on crystal meth.
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RIP Ivan Reitman.
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Nothing else should matter, because nothing else will matter.
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As my son started to speak, I made note of his efforts:
Garlic press = Carbon papa
Grasshopper = Buttpopper
Tomato pip = Bomboo pit
Butterfly = Buttypie
Caterpillar = Atipippa
Hello Spider-Man = Hello Papapapapaa
Makka Pakka = Petty Pepper
Balham = Barebum
Expert = Nackpert
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This year I went and bought my wife the most expensive present Iโve ever purchased: a ยฃ350,000 Lamborghini Aventador. Thought I better sound her out and sheโs just told me she doesnโt like sports cars!!!???? Ucksake. Time does Tesco close?
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RIP the great Howard Hesseman, who delivered one of my favourite lines in Spinal Tap, as Terry Ladd:
โYeah, listen, we'd love to stand around and chat, but we've gotta... sit down in the lobby and wait for the limo.โ
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@ParisHilton
In the field of psychology, the DunningโKruger effect is a cognitive bias in which people of low ability have illusory superiority and mistakenly assess their cognitive ability as greater than it is.
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WANGING WARNING:
Critics Choice in
@thetimes
today. Semi-Detached begins this Thursday, 10pm BBC2.
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I think the Super League is a great idea. A GREAT idea. Imagine: a Super League. A league that is super. Lots of guns and stuff, just shooting all over the place. Really shiny, too. Shiny and dangerous. And pointy. Quite stiff. And wet. Stiff, wet and dangerous. Great idea.
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10pm BBC2 tonight, mine and
@mrdavidcrow
โs pilot.
@thesundaytimes
describes it as having a โbrutalist Terry and June toneโ. What more could you want?
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@RichardEGrant
I was here today. Thinking about how much I love the film. So funny. Such melancholy. Will stay with me always.
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A London landmark. Opened in The Roaring Twenties, closing in The Shitting Twenties.
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I sincerely hope I have the same twinkle in my eye that the brilliant Barry Cryer took with him through life. What a tremendous human being. Go wellโฆ
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@Aiannucci
@simonblackwell
@scottygb
Absolutely nobody in America says goodbye at the end of a phone call.
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First day at drama school
Second year, greeting the new intake
Final year meeting agents
A year into the business
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As my son poured Santaโs port I found myself saying, โBit more. Bit more. Bit more. Bit more, heโs got a long night. Bit more...โ
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Fuck Johnson, that sack of bloodless bollocks. Fuck Gove, with his piss-filled wattle. Fuck Rees-Mogg, the towering Etonian cadaver. Those smirking, entitled, self-serving, venal, bloviated, porcine, toadyish, motherfucking Tory cunts. Fuck. Them.
"We try not to eat a lot in one day, even though most of us are really hungry."
Almost 1 in 3 children in the UK are now growing up poor, like Cameron and his two sisters whose family rely on a food bank to help fill the fridge.
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And weโre off...
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@KTHopkins
.SCRAG-END
noun British
The inferior end of a neck of mutton.
If you ever make the dictionary, I expect to read the same definition.
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@RealDMitchell
You and Lee look like a pop duo whoโve not spoken in years, arriving at court to settle some long-standing legal rift. Rob looks like Fabio.
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