The Penis Prophecies
@NOSTRADONGUS
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#preDICKtions @nicknaney 5 years from now your penis will get stuck in a car door. The car will drive away.
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#preDICKtions @Dpalbrand Your dick will fall off in the year 2015 due to space rays. Space rays from space.
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#preDICKtions Superbowl 2012. Tom Brady loses his dick on a bad snap. His wife keeps it in a glass case with all the trophies.
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#preDICKtions @TravLeBlanc The yr is 2020. Ur dick gets caught in the mouth of a Burmese python. It takes 3 days 2 remove, snake survives.
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In the future, cum powered cars will be invented. Gas stations and strip joints become one.
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In the future, they will find a new breed of dick. The night breed. The streets will run red with dick blood.
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In the future, there will be an all dick channel that is all dicks all the time. No one will watch it, but it's nice to have the option.
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I cannot see the future of the dick belonging to the rapper known as @Drake, as he has no dick.
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#preDICKtions @brooklynron A grave prophecy. Ur dick will get run over by a Ford Taurus in 2 years. Henceforth, u will be known as Flatdick.
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Getting your dick sucked isn't getting your dick sucked until you get your dick sucked by a space alien who sucks dick.
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#preDICKtions @gregstone_ Watch out for phantom boners, they seek to possess your dick. If you get a random boner, call an exorcist.
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In the future, there will be robots who will play with your dick like a taffy pull. It's more fun than it sounds.
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#preDICKtions @thecharleychase I see a dick in your future.
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#preDICKtions @pattonoswalt 2020. First functional lightsaber is invented. U get to test it. U try to do a spin move, and chop off ur dick.
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#preDICKtions @joemande 2030. You breathe deep as you cautiously enter a teleporter 4 the 1st time. U go to LA. Ur dick goes to Portland.
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#preDICKtions @zachmcgovern U will take a tour of a power plant, and ur dick will become radioactive. U will cum laser beams from then on.
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#preDICKtions @kevinbrewstar 2018. Ur a millionaire. But all the money in the world can't buy u a new dick. U lose urs in a fire in 2015.
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#preDICKtion @DivaLyri There is a dick on your future, you spammy cunt.
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#preDICKtions @apwalshe Sunday brunch in the year 2017, you spill hollandaise sauce on your dick. Nothing else happens, your dick is safe.
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#preDICKtions @constantneil Dec 2012: U get a BJ from girl who thinks world is ending. Jan 2013: World still here. She feels dumb.
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