What the media won’t tell you is the charity work I did before my career as a birthday cake. Indeed, I made several trips to Uganda with Harry in the noughties and in 1993, I helped build a primary school in Botswana.

This is huge… #TheTraitors

I have informed the BBC that I won’t be appearing on MOTD tomorrow night.

Before Twitter dies I just want to say Colin is an idiot

Amazing to think Charles will have most likely wiped his bum after a poo for the first time as King today.

He’s a 10 but his name’s Colin and his chocolate tastes of poo

Hi @BorisJohnson. Unfortunately, we cannot accept returns if the wallpaper has already been used. Please contact us if you have any other questions. Thanks.

Colin should resign from being a cake because he’s an idiot and tastes of poo

I’m back! #Cuthback

Meghan Markle threw a Colin cake off the balcony and it landed on a pensioner’s head. Good to see she has standards #PlatinumJubilee

#CuthBack

Colin would get no points #Eurovision

Colin earns 8% more than Aunt Bessie. Pass it on.

Colin just landed in my garden. Idiot.

Colin is the opposite of today’s Wordle answer

I wasn’t informed

The Met Police are removing a bit in Sue Gray’s report about everyone agreeing that Colin the Caterpillar is a stupid idiot with no brain and tastes of poo and idiot

I heard Sue Gray is taking ages because she had a slice of Colin the Caterpillar cake and felt sick because he tastes horrible and is a stupid idiot pass it on

How ugly is Colin is this

I was #ambushedwithacake when Colin tried to sue me

My name is Cuthbert and my bum is made of chocolate