Not 👏🏻 lonely 👏🏻 enough

*INTERNAL BISEXUAL FRENZY INTENSIFIES* #Strictly

Cat cuddles, codeine, Cary Grant Christmas movie. ✨

Yall just be making up new white people

Still in bed. Anxiety and lady pains greeted me first thing and I’m afraid to move in case that exacerbates either, like they’re the fucking Jurassic Park T-Rex.

okay watch your tone

Counter: Nothing is stopping you taking your own snacks and drinks. The coffin, hammer and nails are the £15 ticket, the three day ‘blink-and-you-miss-it’ run and the patrons devoid of etiquette pissing about on phones and making crisp packet origami.

Ate five (5) jam donuts for dinner.

Paddington is a twee little cunt who needs hitting with hammers.

I love how for some video messages for the celebs on #StrictlyComeDancing they get Beyoncé or Elton John and for others it’s just “well done, so proud” from Janice who runs the corner shop they buy milk from.

Haven’t sold something on eBay for years and NOW I REMEMBER WHY.

We are such an unserious country. Do people know other countries can see us?!

I bought a melon and cut some for breakfast and it smells really strongly of banana even though it tastes like melon and now I can’t eat it this is sensory hell and it stinks real bad.

London is just so fucking pretty at Christmas.

This is the greatest description ever, from a bootleg video in China.

On my way to lunch yesterday my friend asked what the weather was like and, with much venom, I replied “I don’t care - look out the window” and he visibly recoiled and you know what? On reflection; considering his simple request… I was right. Look out the fucking window.

And cat spot fans will appreciate the drop in temperature makes this impossible due to radiator demands.

Category is… friends fear she’s double deniming again.

Been and done a culture.

And yeah, we *should* care about the lies, but honestly? What’s the point?