Let's get to work.

I keep saying things like "Canada's new government", and "it's time to spend less and invest more". But the truth is, Canada's new government is literally the same as Canada's old government. And spending and investing are the same thing. I'm a shallow, slogan obsessed PM.

How do you do, fellow cowbo. ahem. cowpeople?

It's not just that I missed catching the pancake, because I'm an unathletic nerd. What's really shocking is me mouthing the word "f*ck", knowing I'm on camera. My entire existence is a performance, and I'm upset that I look bad. I can't hide in my bankers office anymore.

I know it. You know it. And the world knows it. I caved to President Trump. Now all you #ElbowsUp retards have to scramble to justify what you meant when you said "Canada First", but I have no doubt you will. Liberals are great at twisting the narrative to fit reality.

By caving to President Donald Trump, who I respect and adore very much, I have issued the following directive. Effective immediately.

#BREAKING: I caved. And I did it late on a Sunday night, so no one would notice. I'm a spineless weasel.

Well, I screwed up. I convinced Canadians that I'd define a new economic and trade relationship with America, and now they're freezing us out. It's a good thing the people who voted for me will be able to justify their delusions about Conservatives, and keep voting for me!

Today, I was asked if my insane out of control spending commitments will lead to increased taxes. How dare a peasant ask me that!. Watch as I roll my eyes, then fumble over my answer with countless "umms" and "uhhhs", without actually providing a response.

Well Canada, you voted for me. And now, you're getting exactly what you voted for. My Government has a history of destroying Canadian prosperity through excessive taxation and inflation caused by over-spending. And that's exactly what we're going to keep doing.

You want to know how much we're spending on things?. Too bad. I like to keep that secret. Whether it's federal budgets or festival budgets, I'm a slimy banker who spends your money without telling you where it's going.

You've said that life is too expensive, and my Government is listening. That's why we're giving you $280 back. Sure, we take half your salary in taxes and $280 won't even buy a weeks groceries for your family. But we are the elite. We give you breadcrumbs, and you say thanks.

These are real pictures of me.

How it started: How it's going:

You thought I was going to be different than Justin Trudeau, and actually put Canada first?!. We are literally members of the same party, I can't believe you fell for that!. 😂🤣😂🤣

During the campaign:. "Donald Trump wants to break us so he can own us. Donald Trump is the enemy. My elbows are up against Donald Trump. I despise Donald Trump. Americans are the enemy." . Reality:

I literally cannot stop sucking up to President @realDonaldTrump.

Today I welcomed President Trump to Canada, with my elbows tucked firmly behind my back. Listen as I praise him, tout his personal leadership, and tell him it's an honour to have him here. Sorry liberals, but I don't hate Trump. I idolize this man.

Not only are my elbows down, but we're all smiling!. That's because President Trump and I are very good friends.