Let's get to work.

How do you do, fellow cowbo. ahem. cowpeople?

It's not just that I missed catching the pancake, because I'm an unathletic nerd. What's really shocking is me mouthing the word "f*ck", knowing I'm on camera. My entire existence is a performance, and I'm upset that I look bad. I can't hide in my bankers office anymore.

I know it. You know it. And the world knows it. I caved to President Trump. Now all you #ElbowsUp retards have to scramble to justify what you meant when you said "Canada First", but I have no doubt you will. Liberals are great at twisting the narrative to fit reality.

By caving to President Donald Trump, who I respect and adore very much, I have issued the following directive. Effective immediately.

#BREAKING: I caved. And I did it late on a Sunday night, so no one would notice. I'm a spineless weasel.

Well, I screwed up. I convinced Canadians that I'd define a new economic and trade relationship with America, and now they're freezing us out. It's a good thing the people who voted for me will be able to justify their delusions about Conservatives, and keep voting for me!

Today, I was asked if my insane out of control spending commitments will lead to increased taxes. How dare a peasant ask me that!. Watch as I roll my eyes, then fumble over my answer with countless "umms" and "uhhhs", without actually providing a response.

Well Canada, you voted for me. And now, you're getting exactly what you voted for. My Government has a history of destroying Canadian prosperity through excessive taxation and inflation caused by over-spending. And that's exactly what we're going to keep doing.

You want to know how much we're spending on things?. Too bad. I like to keep that secret. Whether it's federal budgets or festival budgets, I'm a slimy banker who spends your money without telling you where it's going.

You've said that life is too expensive, and my Government is listening. That's why we're giving you $280 back. Sure, we take half your salary in taxes and $280 won't even buy a weeks groceries for your family. But we are the elite. We give you breadcrumbs, and you say thanks.

These are real pictures of me.

How it started: How it's going:

You thought I was going to be different than Justin Trudeau, and actually put Canada first?!. We are literally members of the same party, I can't believe you fell for that!. 😂🤣😂🤣

During the campaign:. "Donald Trump wants to break us so he can own us. Donald Trump is the enemy. My elbows are up against Donald Trump. I despise Donald Trump. Americans are the enemy." . Reality:

I literally cannot stop sucking up to President @realDonaldTrump.

Today I welcomed President Trump to Canada, with my elbows tucked firmly behind my back. Listen as I praise him, tout his personal leadership, and tell him it's an honour to have him here. Sorry liberals, but I don't hate Trump. I idolize this man.

Not only are my elbows down, but we're all smiling!. That's because President Trump and I are very good friends.

My Ministers and I all ran on an elbows up, anti-Trump campaign. But as soon as the President arrived in Canada, those same Ministers were all smiles. They were visibly giddy because the anti-Trump rhetoric was fake, we just said all that to scare you into voting for us.