(DMing a mutual) hey man I'm imagining Dracula saying your latest tweet and it's freaking me out. Could you possibly delete it

https://t.co/5a64w07vjb

https://t.co/2dArzhotWZ

Gordon ramsay: excuse me darling. what's going on back there Waitress: the uhh chef is Bigfoot Gordon: the chef is Bigfoot? Waitress: correct, the chef is Bigfoot Gordon: fuck me. Ok darling thank you (Waitress leaves) Gordon: the chef's fucking Bigfoot. Wow. Ok. Fuck me. Wow

@Lewiswbt1 @darth_erogenous

@darth_erogenous @Lewiswbt1

this pasta is fuckign overdone. its become abstract like love- gordon ramsay

(Gordon ramsay finding out the chef is Bigfoot) oh fuck me, the chef's fucking Bigfoot. for fucks saaake

https://t.co/ULNwJOiRkb

(trump addressing rally, eyes closed) the most tremendous cube. the most beautiful cube, and i'm rotating, i'm rotating it, we love to see it don't we, you love to see it, rotating at such tremendous speeds. rotating and rotating and rotating (crowd going wild)

Mark Wahlberg: If it had been me working in that lab late that night, it wouldn't have went down like it did

For anyone who doesn't believe that I have 3 hands:

zoned out rotating a cube in my mind at my grandmother's funeral, making delighted "ooh! ahh!" noises like i'm watching fireworks

I'm so fucking convolution poisoned by rube goldberg machines. I can't even watch something happen straightforwardly anymore

??

(out loud while mentally replaying a Mr bean clip during my grandmother's eulogy) For fucks sake Mr bean

My first attempt at a Rube goldberg machine! Let me know what you think

"perfect sweetie, 9/11 doer"- bin Laden's bio, probably, if he was on here. makes you sick doesn't it. important to remember it's not actually real though

I've become so handpilled from staring at my hand

For sale: lazy dog, never jumped over by a quick brown fox

i'm worried that what started as an irritating swagger has metabolised into a more concerning jar jar binks walk