Keaton Patti
@KeatonPatti
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132,632
Following
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5,974
Statuses
25,016
I've written for @NewYorker , @Marvel , @TheOnion , @ComedyCentral , @McSweeneys , but mainly for you, the reader. 👇Check out my bot book!
Joined January 2012
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I forced a bot to watch over 1,000 hours of a lot of stuff and then asked it write a whole freaking book and it did. With scripts (old & NEW) + all new formats (Shakespeare, poetry, horoscopes, and more)!
Out on Nov. 17th (just in time for Thanksgiving)!
Link in bio to order!🤖
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I forced a bot to watch over 1,000 hours of Olive Garden commercials and then asked it to write an Olive Garden commercial of its own. Here is the first page.
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I downloaded Truth Social just to see how crazy it was and these are just some of the ads I saw on it.
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I forced a bot to watch over 1,000 hours of Batman movies and then asked it to write a Batman movie of its own. Here is the first page.
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Normal Beer: This is a beer.
Craft Beer: 𝟛 𝕓𝕣𝕠𝕥𝕙𝕖𝕣𝕤 𝕙𝕒𝕕 𝕒𝕟 𝕚𝕕𝕖𝕒. 𝕋𝕙𝕖𝕪 𝕨𝕒𝕟𝕥𝕖𝕕 𝕥𝕠 𝕔𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕥𝕖 𝕒 𝕓𝕖𝕖𝕣 𝕥𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕨𝕒𝕤 𝕤𝕠 𝕗𝕦𝕝𝕝 𝕠𝕗 𝕙𝕠𝕡𝕤 𝕚𝕥 𝕨𝕒𝕤 𝕥𝕖𝕔𝕙𝕟𝕚𝕔𝕒𝕝𝕝𝕪 𝕛𝕦𝕤𝕥 𝕨𝕖𝕥 𝕙𝕠𝕡𝕤. 𝕋𝕙𝕖𝕟 𝟡/𝟙𝟙 𝕙𝕒𝕡𝕡𝕖𝕟𝕖𝕕...
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POV: you've just been thrown to your death by the Beatles and they know they're far too powerful to ever be charged for your murder.
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I forced a bot to watch over 1,000 hours of Queer Eye and then asked it to write an episode of Queer Eye of its own. Here is the first page.
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I knew he'd get to the Panera lemonade at some point.
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I forced a bot to watch over 1,000 hours of Trump rallies and then asked it to write a Trump rally of its own. Here is the first page.
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I forced a bot to watch over 1,000 hours of stand-up comedy and then asked it to write stand-up comedy of its own. Here is the first page.
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Do you recognize the person in these photos? They are one of the people who took part in the January 6 violence at the U.S. Capitol. You can help the
#FBI
bring them to justice. If you know them, send a tip by visiting and mentioning photo 238.
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Let me know if anyone wants to use my Ben Affleck Tarot deck.
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I'm loving seeing all of these pictures of text messages where workers are standing up against their bosses. ✊✊✊
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I forced a bot to watch over 1,000 hours of Bob Ross videos and then asked it to write a Bob Ross video of its own. Here is the first page.
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I forced a bot to watch over 1,000 hours of Hallmark Christmas movies and then asked it to write a Hallmark Christmas movie of its own. Here is the first page.
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I forced a bot to watch over 1,000 hours of the Saw movies and then asked it to write a Saw movie of its own. Here is the first page.
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We'll finally get to see if he was right.
Actors, writers and directors are collaborating on a charity auction with proceeds going towards helping crew members whose healthcare benefits are currently at risk during the strike.
(Source: )
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I forced a bot to watch over 1,000 hours of Dr. Phil episodes and then asked it to write a Dr. Phil episode of its own. Here is the first page.
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I forced a bot to watch over 1,000 hours of Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives and then asked it to write a Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives episode of its own. Here is the first page.
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I forced a bot to watch over 1,000 hours of infomercials and then asked it to write an infomercial of its own. Here is the first page.
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I forced a bot to watch over 1,000 hours of TED Talks and then asked it to write a TED Talk of its own. Here is the first page.
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I forced a bot to watch over 1,000 hours of The Office episodes and then asked it to write a The Office episode of its own. Here is the first page.
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I forced a bot to listen to over 1,000 hours of the Joe Rogan Experience podcast and then asked it to write a Joe Rogan Experience podcast of its own. Here is the first page.
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I forced a bot to watch over 1,000 hours of White House Press Briefings and then asked it to write a White House Press Briefing of its own. Here is the first page.
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I'm not sure what's more surprising, that the Cheesecake Factory menu is on Goodreads, or that it's rated way higher than The Great Gatsby.
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I forced a bot to watch over 1,000 hours of Shark Tank episodes and then asked it to write a Shark Tank episode of its own. Here is the first page.
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I forced a bot to watch over 1,000 hours of lawyer commercials and then asked it to write a lawyer commercial of its own. Here is the first page.
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I forced a bot to watch over 1,000 hours of Black Mirror and then asked it to write an episode of Black Mirror of its own. Here is the first page.
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The fact that the Oscars doesn't have a host doesn't bode well for Parasite.
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I forced a bot to watch over 1,000 hours of the John Wick movies and then asked it to write a John Wick movie of its own. Here is the first page.
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Canadian: Can I get my stimulus $?
Canada: Yep, go to this website and get it in 2 days.
American: Can I get my stimulus $?
America: In 3 months we'll tie your check to a balloon floating somewhere on Earth. You have 1 hour to find the balloon or the balloon gets the money.
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Is the person who writes NYT's Connections doing okay?
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I forced a bot to watch over 1,000 hours of Pirates of the Caribbean movies and then asked it to write a Pirates movie of its own. Here is the first page.
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I forced a bot to watch over 1,000 hours of horror movies and then asked it to write a horror movie of its own. Here is the first page.
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I forced a bot to watch over 1,000 hours of the Democratic Debates and then asked it to write a Democratic Debate of its own. Here is the first page.
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I forced a bot to watch over 1,000 hours of porn and then asked it to write a porn of its own. Here is the first page.
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100% chance J Lo cropped Ben's right hand out because he's holding a massive Dunkin' iced coffee.
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I forced a bot to watch over 1,000 hours of airline safety videos and then asked it to write an airline safety video of its own. Here is the first page.
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I forced a bot to read over 1,000 hours of QAnon theories and then asked it to write QAnon theories of its own. Here they are.
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I forced a bot to watch over 1,000 hours of Seinfeld and then asked it to write an episode of Seinfeld of its own. Here is the first page.
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I forced a bot to watch over 1,000 hours of Friends episodes and then asked it to write a Friends episode of its own. Here is the first page.
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It's about time Panera warned people trying to order that super caffeinated lemonade.
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I forced a bot to watch over 1,000 hours of Antiques Roadshow and then asked it to write an episode of Antiques Roadshow of its own. Here is the first page.
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I forced a bot to watch over 1,000 hours of Tiger King and then asked it to write an episode of Tiger King of its own. Here is the first page.
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I forced a bot to watch over 1,000 hours of Undercover Boss and then asked it to write an Undercover Boss episode of its own. Here is the first page.
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I forced a bot to watch over 1,000 hours of Donald Trump and Joe Biden interviews and then asked it to write a debate between Donald Trump and Joe Biden. Here is the first page.
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I forced a bot to watch over 1,000 hours of Jeopardy and then asked it to write an episode of Jeopardy of its own. Here is the first page.
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I forced a bot to watch over 1,000 hours of Rudy Giuliani interviews and then asked it to write a Rudy Giuliani interview of its own. Here is the first page.
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I forced a bot to watch over 1,000 hours of police shows and then asked it to write a police show of its own. Here is the first page.
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I forced a bot to watch over 1,000 hours of InfoWars episodes and then asked it to write an InfoWars episode of its own. Here is the first page.
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I forced a bot to watch over 1,000 hours of bible stories and then asked it to write a bible story of its own. Here is the first page.
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Normal Beer: The beer is called Coors.
Craft Beer: 𝕀𝕥 𝕨𝕒𝕤𝕟'𝕥 𝕖𝕒𝕤𝕪 𝕥𝕠 𝕟𝕒𝕞𝕖 𝕥𝕙𝕚𝕤 𝕤𝕠𝕟 𝕠𝕗 𝕒 𝕓𝕚𝕥𝕔𝕙 𝕚𝕟 𝕒 𝕓𝕠𝕥𝕥𝕝𝕖, 𝕓𝕦𝕥 𝕠𝕦𝕣 𝔽𝕝𝕒𝕧𝕠𝕣 𝔾𝕦𝕣𝕦 𝕕𝕦𝕓𝕓𝕖𝕕 𝕚𝕥 ℂ𝕪𝕟𝕕𝕚 ℍ𝕠𝕡-𝕖𝕣: 𝔾𝕚𝕣𝕝𝕤 𝕁𝕦𝕤𝕥 𝕎𝕒𝕟𝕥 𝕥𝕠 ℍ𝕒𝕧𝕖 𝔽𝕠𝕒𝕞.
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I forced a bot to watch over 1,000 hours of MTV Cribs episodes and then asked it to write an MTV Cribs episode of its own. Here is the first page.
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I forced a bot to watch over 1,000 hours of musicals and then asked it to write a musical of its own. Here is the first page.
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I forced a bot to watch over 1,000 hours of House Hunters episodes and then asked it to write a House Hunters episode of its own. Here is the first page.
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I forced a bot to watch over 1,000 hours of Dos Equis commercials and then asked it to write a Dos Equis commercial of its own. Here is the first page.
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White House Now a Spirit Halloween Store Until Early November
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I think of all the Olsen twins films, this one has probably aged the worst.
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Still enthralled by the novelizations of the Austin Powers movies.
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I forced a bot to watch over 1,000 hours of cooking shows and then asked it to write a cooking show of its own. Here is the first page.
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I forced a bot to watch over 1,000 hours of SpongeBob SquarePants and then asked it to write a SpongeBob SquarePants episode of its own. Here is the first page.
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I forced a bot to watch over 1,000 hours of college recruitment videos and then asked it to write a college recruitment video of its own. Here is the first page.
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It's crazy to me Guitar Center uses this guitar as a G in its logo, because it barely looks like a G.
Anyways, here's what it'd look like if other things used that guitar as a G.
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I forced a bot to watch over 1,000 hours of The Bachelorette and then asked it to write an episode of The Bachelorette of its own. Here is the first page.
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I forced a bot to watch over 1,000 hours of SportsCenter and then asked it to write a SportsCenter episode of its own. Here is the first page.
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Imagine finding out your wife was in a terrible accident holding this.
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I forced a bot to watch over 1,000 hours of Planet Earth episodes and then asked it to write a Planet Earth episode of its own. Here is the first page.
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