KattWillFerrell2
@KattWiIIFerrell
Followers
1,495
Following
1,210
Media
91
Statuses
514
Digital comedy account produced by @kattwiIIferrell , head producer. i follow back.
Joined January 2021
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Send us removal request.
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Pinned Tweet
Twitter is great if you can't afford therapy but you also don't want to get any better.
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trying to figure out which angle will get the most numbers 😩😩😩
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all of my nfts have been stolen. if you see these for sale please dm me
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I don't think anyone reads this account anymore but if this pops up, are you telling me a shrimp fried this rice?
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I was robbed at a gas station in Detroit last night. After my hands stopped trembling..I managed to call the cops and they were quick to respond and calmed me down..... My money is gone.. the police asked me if I knew who did it..I said yes.. 20 years ago we had steve jobs, johnn
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Vin Diesel eats two meals a day:
1) Breakfast
2) Breakfurious
This is funny because he is in the "Fast and the Furious" film franchise and "breakfast" contains the word "fast"
Don't forget to like and subscribe!
-=KwF=-
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[posting on twitter] ME: Jobs are great if you can't afford hope and also don't have any cash. Please don't let Kevin Bacon accidentally delete this and thank you for bringing it back to life. DOCTOR: Cooyright KattWillFerrell LLC
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i really hope none of the local young brunette ladies whose tweets i've been faving compulsively for the last 45 minutes notices my tweet about feeling down and needing to talk. i only have my dms open for comedy and mental health advice, as well as social issues and perspectives
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I'm no comedian (thank god) so please follow these very funny people and wonderful amazing Human Beings:
My Son Nestor
Tuddy Shrimo
Steve Jobs
Bob Hope
Johnny Cash
OldPissBear30948
TruckstopPiss1776
Manti Teo's gf
Marco Rubio Water Bottle
BrunetteChicagoComedyGal
Mmy son nestor
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As a famous comedian, people often ask me how they can break into the business. Here's a secret: Lorne Michaels personally browses comedians' timelines and immediately rules out anyone who has replies or low fav posts. Be sure to keep that timeline clean. You never know. --KWF
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It's a weird thing to have the demons that haunt you be you. It's even weirder to realize a shrimp fried this rice. Hang in there and have a blessed day. KWF
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20 years ago today I was getting ready to go to my college classes.
When I went to say bye to my dad - a very loud man I never saw afraid in my life - we saw the second plane hit and he whispered, "Now we have no jobs, no hope and no cash."
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Who can ever forget "shrump fried my rice", "sir, this is a wendys" "twitter is great if you need therapy" "20 years ago bob hope and cash" and many other Katt Will Ferrell originals. Gonna miss you, Twitter. --KWF
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Ten years agTwenty Years ago we had Steve Jobs, Johnny Cash and Bob Hope. Now we have no jobs, no cash and no hope. Please don't let Kevin Bacon die!!
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Randomly remembering the time I got dumped by a girl I dated in college and my roommate at the time tried to cheer me up by saying "You tellin me a shrimp fried this rice?"
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Growing up, my main interest was just jobs, hope and cash. Today at 38 I'm still the same way. People I care about all had aspirations that weren't like mine, so now we have no jobs, no hope and no cash. All I ever wanted was to be there, and for nothing to happen to Kevin Bacon
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You've heard of Irish goodbyes, but have you heard of the Katt Will Ferrell goodbye? It's when you make a huge declaration that we used to have Bob Hope, Steve Jobs and Johnny Cash but that now you have no hope, no jobs and no cash.
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Thanks to many of you helping to bring this tweet back to life. No idea how I deleted it but it was a huge bummer.
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God is fat. And She twerks marvelously.
And you know what? You don’t fucking know if She has diabetes. And it’s none of your fucking business. She’s glorious either way. --KWF
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My grandpa: Hope ✅ Jobs✅ Cash✅
My dad: Hope ✅ Jobs✅ Cash✅
Me: Hope 🚫Jobs 🚫 Cash 🚫 Bacon ⁉️
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[after a long day of retweeting and un-retweeting my own tweet every hour to try and make the numbers go up] This website can go fuck itself.
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My grandpa died this week, but the good news is he was a republican.
If this doesn't get enough likes and retweets I will delete it and start screaming like Rain Man.
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crazy ass fucking moments in katt willferrell history parody accounts kattwilliams and will ferrell combine to make one account. the account would go on to invent such posts as “shrimp fried rice” “hope jobs cash” and “racist facebook friend/olive garden is fancy”
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Is
@lizzo
singlehandedly saving this country by destroying its horcruxes with the power of black feminine energy, redemptive self-love, and twerking? --KWF
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Top 5 late night show hosts of all time:
1) Guy I desperately want to write for
2) Guy I desperately want to write for
3) Dead guy to show I know about comedy
4) Guy I desperately want to write for
5) Guy I desperately want to write for
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there's always that one guy in the group chat who's my son nestor
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10 years ago we had Steve Jobs, Bob Hope and Johnny Cash. Now we have no Jobs, no Hope and no Cash. Please don't let anything happen to Kevin Bacon!
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Truly an honor to introduce and welcome former President
@BillClinton
and former Prime Minister Tony Blair to
@CryptoBahamas
to cap off an incredible Day 3.
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"Life is over once you become a parent" Life started to actually feel meaningful for me when I became a parent. That's why i have a breakdown every other day on twitter in between dming girls and deleting joke format posts that didn't get enough likes. 💯💯💯
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Comedy is my religion. Colbert and Cordon are my priests. I evangelize by making people laugh. But my soul's too rotten for it. That's why I can't chase comedy. Not because I post "bandaids imply the existence of roadieaids" and then meltdown immediately if it doesn't go viral.
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This account strongly condemns the actions of Joseph Kony.
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20 years ago we had Steve Job...🔒
To unlock original Katt Williams Will Ferrell content and more, subscribe at the Shrimo tier ($10/mo) or above to the Katt Club on Patreon! See you there!
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We are sorry to announce that the KattCoin databases have been hacked. All assets have been lost and we are closing our doors permanently. Thanks for joining us on this wild ride and good luck in the future.
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Now that's some straight up normal shit to say right there 👍
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Twenty years ago we had Steve Jobs, Bob Hope, and Johnny Cash. Now we have no jobs, no hope and no cash. Please don't let Kevin Bacon die.
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20 years ago bob had hope johnny had cash and steve had jobs. kevin bacon.
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Few things are more humbling than asking if a shrimp fried that rice.
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Ladies and Gentlemen, The Weekend
COPYRIGHT KATT WILLIAMS AND WILL FERRELL 2020
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DOCTOR: How many alcoholic drinks do you have in a week?
ME: Well it depends. If I'm celebrating something, I probably have 12 or so.
DOCTOR: And on an average week?
ME: I get sad about having nothing to celebrate, so about 20
©KWF Official 2020
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If the characters in Toy Story were sex toys, the main characters would still be named Woody and Buzz Lightyear.
YES I KNOW other people have made similar jokes. BUT NOT EXACTLY LIKE MINE!!! I DIDN'T STEAL IT!!!! Don't bring it up again. COPYWRIGHT KATT WILLIAMS FERRELL 2020
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"sir, can i ask why you're smoking TWO huge blunts?" "officer, I'm..." *turns to camera* "double jointed" *cop starts breakdancing*
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let's rise and grind the hustle never stops!! 💪💪💪http:://pornhub.com/videos/big_tiddy_goth_nude_industrial_dancing_360p.html
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Most of your followers never read a word you say. Even if you lie and say your birthday is Thursday because you don't want your birthday shout outs to overlap with potential Follow Friday shoutouts. Have a wonderful Friday!
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Hope. Jobs. Hope Jobs and Cash (I follow back) Hope. Jobs. Hope Jobs and Cash (I'm Will and Katt) Hope. Jobs. Hope Jobs and Cash.
Media can request a free KWF press kit. Business email in bio.
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Larry King you are the weakest link. "Ya fired!" RIP to a legend. Quote this with a sad song you love, DMs are open. I follow back. 2020
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The joke corner of Twitter has a lot of factions, cliques, inner circles. A high-school level of exclusivity. It's always been there, and boy has it gotten old.
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Today is the one year anniversary of you telling me a shrimp fried that rice. It's been a crazy year for everyone, but please take a moment to think and reflect. A shrimp fried the rice.
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WEDNESDAY. The day you flumpty-foo! And you think boopty-bop and zippity-zoom but the truth is, razza frazza wuzza wooza. What I'm trying to say is, maybe your brain isn't working either, but that's OK, because you're great. PS you need a firmware upgrade in the form of "coffee."
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Okay first of off, why isn't The young Rock's new show not called "The Pebble" second of off, who are some local single gals between 25-30 who want to dm about "mental health shit" (2.4%)
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I miss the part of my life before many people close to me moved away or grew apart, & our top priorities were going to concerts & goofing off together. Before life bogged us down & we got boring. When we didn't need to plan things weeks or months in advance. When we had cash, jo
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i had corona virus in college. then i practiced social distancing my whole life. and in a way we all wear masks. --kwf
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AMERICA got a huge buff today.
Patch notes below:
• dignity: +100%
• racism: -100%
• introduced new feature called “science”
• removed “lying” from the game as it felt too effective
• added a tool called “hope” to ramp up character moral
• made “future” a bit brighter
--KWF
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20 years ago we had Steve Jobs, Bob Hope and Johnny Cash. Now, we have no jobs, no hope and no cash. Please don't let Kevin Bacon die!
#ChuckNorris
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20 years ago we had Steve Jobs, Bob Hope and Johnny Cash. Now we have no jobs, no hope and no cash. Please don't let Kevin Bacon die! --Albert Einstein --KWF
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will ferrell is great when you can't afford katt williams and don't want to get any hope, jobs or cash.
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you have $10 to build the perfect world:
jobs: $20
cash: $20
hope: $20
bacon: $15
tuddy: $3
shrimo: $7
nestor: $9
oppa: $2
It's a joke format.
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I don't care about this website anymore. I don't mean that in terms of hate or negativity. I just simply don't care.
If this doesn't get enough likes, I will delete it and self-RT one of my posts that has done bigger numbers while posting on my locked alt about how I'm bullied.
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So the promise of the creator economy is that you can spend 10 years of your life making something so that someone else can quickly parody it and get more views so that then someone else can claim the parody was more successful and took less work? Cool cool --KWF
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The Weeknd’s close camera work delivered the meme of Super Bowl LV
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Oh! I just have one question. Is. hot dog a SANDWICH? 😳 🤣👇
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Might fuck around and accept myself for who I am despite all my flaws and mistakes. I will do this by deleting this tweet if it doesn't get enough likes, or relentlessly self-RTing it if it does.
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hey its me your facebook friend from high school who never left our hometown & thinks Olive Garden is fancy. is the website down for you thank you.
COOYRIGHT KATT WILL FERRELL 2020
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one time john and I were at a restaurant and the waiter recommended a nice Cabernet. We got the bill and it was 13,000 dollars. HOW DO U CASUALLY RECOMMEND THAT WINE. we didn’t even finish it and it had been cleared!!! COPYRIGHT KATT WILL FERRELL 2020
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Twenty years ago we had Bob Hope, Steve Jobs and Johnny Cash. Now we have no hope, no jobs and no cash. Please don't let Kevin Bacon die!
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Tired of all the drama. I am who I say I am and that's all there is too it.
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If Putin was in Shallow Hal, Jack Black would definitely see him as very ugly and would refuse to date him.
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"That was Will Smith's biggest hit since Men in Black" Remember Men in Black?
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🐾 We are heartbroken over the tragedy in Surfside FL, so many hoomans perished.. --KWF
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Friends, I am SO RIDICULOUSLY excited to share the book cover for my upcoming book about Major Biden, the first shelter dog to make it all the way to the White House! If you'd like to pre-order for an awesome kid in your life, I'll put some links in a thread below
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A Bambi remake where his mom lives but then she puts him up for adoption
This is so cruel but this speaks to my dark sense of humor 😈
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when rush limbaugh died they flushed his body down a big tube full of shit and piss into the sewer like a torpedo. rip. --KWF business email in bio
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