Jonny Sharples
@JonnyGabriel
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Jonny Sharples (English pronunciation: /ˈdʒɒni ˈʃɑːpəlz/) is an 'online joker'⟦1⟧ and an ambassador for @theCALMzone .⟦2⟧ He is a great tweeter.⟦citation needed⟧
Joined January 2009
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Pinned Tweet
If you’re finding things tough right now, remember
@theCALMzone
’s helpline is on 0800 58 58 58. 5pm - midnight.
Whoever you are, whatever you're going through, it's free, anonymous & confidential.
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Instead of mocking people for finding out about Kate Bush and Metallica through Stranger Things we should teach them the proper way to discover new music: the FIFA soundtracks.
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“'Voting for the final three places in The Super League is now open. To vote for Ajax text the word 'AJAX' to 83936...”
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Going to assume there's a pink and green tennis ball stuck to the other side of this.
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“I need you to send me $30,000. My enemies are freezing my bank accounts.”
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This is also how Andreas Pereira ended up in the Manchester United first team.
The mascot didn't know where to go so Arsenal included him in their team photo ❤️
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Ivan Toney is the tallest person to ever be 5'10. Luke Shaw is the shortest person to ever be 6'1.
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I don't know how else to explain this but if Nick Kyrgios was a footballer then he would have played for QPR in 2012/13.
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Benfica B
Benfica
Atlético Madrid
→ Wolverhampton Wanderers (loan)
Wolverhampton Wanderers
Al-Ittihad
Jack the Ripper’s face finally revealed — here’s what AI thinks the notorious killer looked like
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Bloody hell, I know Kylian Mbappé has got potential but the way the commentators are going on about him you'd think he was Harry Maguire.
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Antoine Griezmann looks like a YouTuber being forced to apologise for a prank that resulted in a forest fire.
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130,000 people watching the planes land on Big Jet TV but how many of them will bother going down to their local, grassroots airfield next weekend?
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Ferran Torres to Barcelona must be the first football transfer to ever be paid for using Klarna.
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If you told me back in 2016 that one of the men in this photo would be a Champions League winner within three years I'd have wanted to know just how much Barcelona paid for Jack Colback.
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When someone uses the lightning bolt power-up in Mario Kart.
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“It's ridiculous. Praising pilots for landing a plane, I don't get it, I really don't... it's their job to land a plane.”
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@NandosUK
this is appalling! Not even a 10cm piece of chicken for £6.75. I have been a customer for almost 20 years! The tomato slice is bigger!
#HappyFathersDay
#appaling
#ripoffbritain
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Alan Pardew's eight year deal at Newcastle United expires today.
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Kepa Arrizabalaga Revuelta, also known as Kepa, is a Spanish professional footballer who plays as a goalkeeper for Dutch club Vitesse on loan from Chelsea[1].
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After almost nine and a half years, 5,903 matches in charge, three laptops, three houses, one T-Rex USB stick, and one very famous Croatian newgen, I've finally completed a century of seasons in Football Manager. Here are the major title winners of the last one hundred years.
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Judge: You're still looking at 25 years
6ix9ine: The Instagram snitch is Rebekah Vardy
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Can't believe they're doing transfer deadline day but for billionaires about to run out of oxygen in a submarine. What a time to be alive!
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Looks like the best Thiago Silva performance on British soil remains Alex at Glastonbury.
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Harry and Meghan will give up their titles meaning they'll be on the line... AT WRESTLEMANIA
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The NHS becomes England's second favourite thing to clap, after a defender heading the ball back to his goalkeeper.
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"If Pochettino hates playing at Wembley as much as he says, why doesn't he just spend some of his own money to build his own stadium?"
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No you see, when we were singing “It's Coming Home” in the summer what we were actually referring to was the 2021 US Open Women's Singles title.
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Sure sex is great but have you ever written ENGLAND in one of the Final spaces on a tournament wall chart.
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"Said my first word at 1, United mad by 7, bored by 11. Left school at 16, 18; I worked nights at The Castle. But then I stopped pulling pints and started pushing myself. I did things I never dreamed I would, overcame things I never thought I could."
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The Hangover IV but it's just Kalvin Phillips, Phil Foden and John Stones trying to get Jack Grealish to report for England duty.
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The next two weeks of Manchester United's transfer window.
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£30m for Jordan Pickford doesn't seem so bad when you remember it's what Spurs paid for Moussa Sissoko, and Pickford is a better midfielder.
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Alexis Sánchez falling even further down the pecking order.
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We need to stop comparing Pfizer and AstraZeneca, just be thankful that we got to witness two great vaccines in our lifetime.
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“Crystal Palace are delighted to welcome back Roy Hodgson as interim manager until the end of the 2082/83 season.”
Humans alive now could reach 140, scientists predict
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Roy Hodgson is 74 years old, he should be going to garden centres and National Trust properties not telling Ben Foster to take off his GoPro during team meetings.
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“Repeat the plan back to me”
“If we lose, I'll pretend to cry and then we'll be rich”
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My Quarantine Routine!
My Quarantine Routine!
this is just a general guide for myself based on my goals & what works for me! i’m allowing a lot flexibility with myself & not pressuring myself to complete everything. this is just to give me structure & a sense of control & stability.
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“Steve Bruce makes just one change from the team that lost at Portman Road last time out with Curtis Jones coming in for the injured Jake Livermore. Andy Carroll retains his place despite not finding the back of the net since his return to Anfield from Amiens four months ago.”
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Real Madrid 1 - 2 Huesca
"Was it a mistake to sell Sergio Ramos before we got the James Tomkins deal over the line? Maybe"
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"Dad, tell me the story of how England won the World Cup"
"Well it all started when somebody bought Sam Allardyce a pint of wine..."
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🎍 GIANT PANDA UPDATE 🐼
We are THRILLED to share that Yang Guang & Tian Tian will stay with us for a further two years before returning to China at the end of 2023.
Read our full update and find out more in the FAQs ➡️
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I've seen people say it's a bad idea to buy Glastonbury tickets without knowing the line-up but I buy Newcastle tickets without knowing the line-up and Glastonbury won't have anybody as bad as Javier Manquillo playing.
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Álvaro Morata with the kind of form that could earn him a big money move to Real Madrid followed by a loan move to Juventus followed by a big money move to Juventus followed by a loan move to Atlético Madrid followed by a big money move to Atlético Madrid followed by a loan m
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Iker Casillas and Carles Puyol's tweets were pathetic and all they've achieved is to embolden the homophobic attitudes that are already rife within football and within football fandom. Slow progress is being made, things like this simply make it even slower.
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Switzerland had an unfair advantage playing in front of a neutral crowd.
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When you're watching Brighton at 5 but burning crosses at 8.
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The next World Cup final is in the USA, they're going to make the winning captain put one of these on before lifting the trophy.
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Exactly one year since football - no, the world - was changed forever by one man, one ball, and one roly-poly throw-in.
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As a huge football fan, I can't wait to get stuck into Netflix's new documentary.
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The Nations League.
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You'll never sing that
You'll never sing thaaaaat
Champions of UEFA Nations League™ Group A4
You'll never sing that
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“Sergio Agüero has scored. Mario Balotelli played him through and Agüero has put it past Paddy Kenny in the QPR goal, and he's scored what looks to be the winner for Manchester City. A really good finish by Agüero. Three - two to Manchester City.”
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BREAKING: The Queen will address the nation on Sunday at 8pm
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When you just start pressing random buttons in the Practice Arena.
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Steve Bruce: “I can bring you in a pile of letters I signed only yesterday. People wishing me good luck, telling me to keep bashing away. Not all doom and gloom but I understand their frustration totally. It feels more unique here because of the unbelievable fan base we have.”
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Midtable Premier League managers in the mid to late 2000s looking for a new striker.
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"Hi Simon, hi judges, my name's Steve and I'm 59, and I'm going to sing Careless Whisper for you today if that's alright"
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I have never been so sure of anything in my life.
BREAKING! Joe Hart has announced that he will be retiring from football at the end of this season.
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Scientists estimate that by 2050, all human life on planet earth will have had at least one stint as manager of Watford.
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When you're waiting for the girl in Schuh to come back from stockroom with your size.
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King Charles III ‘to break from tradition’ with coronation outfit choice
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“What's the charge? Suffering financial losses? Five years of financial losses?”
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POV: You've just filmed Cristiano Ronaldo lining up a free kick.
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I'm 30 years old.
And I run a $200M portfolio of businesses.
This is my daily routine:
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My brother has been dead for almost eight and a half years and in that time he's won as many major trophies as Tottenham. Just something to think about.
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