Jerome Chandrahasen
@JeromeChandra
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Following
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Statuses
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Wgtn based comedy performer/producer. https://t.co/IopVwtkR5x
Joined December 2010
Oh no you saw a homeless person with a cellphone? what were you expecting, a landline.
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😓 Facebook friend posted they weren't allowed back in to NZ despite having permanent residency but then it turned out it was because they chose not to get vaccine and it was like that scene where Homer is stuck in the vending machine but it's cos he won't let go of the can.
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Are you there God? It's me, Judith. Talofa.
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Glasgow Willy Wonka experience.
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A Christmas Carol but it's three ghosts visiting me to say what a great job I've been doing considering everything what's been going on.
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I had always assumed Hairy Maclary was set in Christchurch or south of Christchurch because how else would a person named Donaldson be in charge of a dairy.
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I would win the Olympic trampoline gold medal by waiting for my opponent to jump first then double bouncing them.
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In becoming Minister of Statistics James Shaw has seized the production of means.
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What happened to chicken brie and cranberry paninis, did the Italians find out we were doing that and ask us to stop.
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ME (outside the Naenae mosque): you are welcome here, this is *our* New Zealand.MUSLIM: thank you, also this is a temple, I am Sikh.ME (actually outside Naenae Sikh temple): oh that is a different thing.SIKH: yes different thing.
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Uh hey my pet was also wondering if you got any loose cans of IPA
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Cooking a meal for 10 Indian aunties, dietary requirements as follows.- none.- they have already cooked too much.- they outside your house right now.- they slipping naan under the door.
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Try to be disallowed, Barrett didn't return a library book in 2006.
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Tame Iti is Tūhoe and they're like the original NZ Skeptics Society in fact they were even skeptical about the idea of NZ in general, and he's saying hey look everyone the masks and vaccines are a good idea. I don't know, maybe have a listen or something.
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Dishwashers with windows so we can all find out what's going on in there.
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Due to administrative error I have been announced as Mayor of Wellington, thank you.First order is to rename Wellington as Lowest Hutt.Second order renaming Te Papa as The New New Dowse.Third order Zealandia to now include peacocks, liven up the place.
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If I was white-white I would move to Clutha stand for National drink beer with farmer say kiwi battler go rugby game + dawn ceremony and bank $160k a year oh my God how are you people screwing this up.
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Prison a punishment? Three meals a day, roof over your head, bloody luxury!. [Spend two weeks isolation in 4 star hotel] - I would rather die from a virus.
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Good Friday - Roman Empire Strikes Back.Easter Sunday - Return of the Jesus.
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The original Darwin Award winner was Mr Charles Darwin after he stuffed his pockets with birdseed and was pecked to death by 15 different species of finch.
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Bus 39 has apologized and agreed to counseling.
Bus 39: 7:50am Island Bay to Wellington that was previously cancelled is now reinstated.
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A hatred that unites all New Zealanders: .American spellings .hearing someone call the haka a "war dance".
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You all with your Taika stories well I saw Anna Paquin at 3rd form science fair and her project was on windmills so there we go.
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Good morning @metlinkwgtn is it true that if you are the first person on the top deck of the bus and you sit right at the front you are known as Captain of the Bus and are entitled to wear a fancy hat.
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they gotta fill those bags with the salad in em full of air so the leaves don't get bruised, that's the cost of fragile mesclunity.
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In 2013 I received $50k from CNZ to set up my performance arts project The Taxpayers Union and it has been wildly successful.
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got blocked by Jordan Williams but I'm a taxpayer and he's my union representative?.
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Hey I just met you, and this is crazy, but here's my number for contact-tracing.
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Science has gone too far. All of these puppies were made in a lab
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I tried to do a silly one but then the one posted right underneath was serious so now I look like a jerk
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How to fold fitted sheet? Guess what, you can just scrunch it up in a ball and jam it into the cupboard, no one gives a sh*t.
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Wgtn petrol more expensive cos it small batch cold-brew single origin.
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Ugh, terrible name.
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Teenage Jesus at the drive thru: uh yeah just the single filet'o fish and 13 cups of water thanks.*Other 12 apostles in the car stifling their giggles*.
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Going to OIA minister of statistics James Shaw about how many cherries were picked in nz last year then accuse him of cherry picking data.
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The problem with placing Maggie Barry on gardening leave is it's exactly what she wants.
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Recovered CCTV footage showing John Bishop eating four sausage rolls straight from the warmer then approaching the counter absolutely covered in crumbs to complain there wasn't a fifth.
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NZ reality show where we give Dame Valerie Adams increasingly more cumbersome items and see if she can still biff them: pot plant, vacuum cleaner, gas bbq.
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#UnpopularOpinion Elmo is from the streets, he went on that tv show without a crew, shoulda known there's a chance he was gonna get rumbled. Larry David saw an opportunity and took it, they obviously had some beef, Larry settled it, I don't blame him at all.
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If you catch Covid at a restaurant you can lodge a complaint with the Om-nom-nomicronbudsman.
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I am in the Wellington Pie Reviews Facebook group but there's no specific rules on what is a pie or what you're allowed to review so I've been posting pics whenever I make a cottage pie at home and then giving myself 10/10 review and some members are *furious*.
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They call onomatopoeia 'onomatopoeia' because that's the sound you make when you say it.
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Um wow ok forget Tenacious D, I just heard what N.W.A. said about the police. I won't repeat it here, but it was certainly not complimentary 😠.
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Joni Mitchell in the Hutt! haha what.
Continuing the 30th anniversary celebration of “Night Ride Home” with footage of Joni performing the title track at Avalon Studios in New Zealand with Dick Driver two years before its release in 1991. The segment was recorded on July 31, 1988.
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I pronounce it "cam-en-berT" after what they did to the rainbow warrior.
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Gritty remake of Blue's Clues where we uncover identity of the Zodiac killer.
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A NZ Spiderman where he gets bitten by a radioactive katipō. instead of fighting crime he inconveniences it.
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Suburban kereru, drunk on berries, flying into windows: haha funny, bird of the year.Inner city pigeon, having quiet Codys at Aro Park, minding own business: shameful, disgusting, get a job.#sad.
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@darrelplant @TerribleMaps Yes it's terrible because at the moment we kinda don't want other people knowing where we are, you're all welcome once things settle down a bit though.
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Abolish Maori seats, replace with Maori standing desks, also parliament now operates as a co-working space, Bellamys is vegan, Winston vapes now.
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worst thing bout tweeting politics on election day is when orange guy comes 2 break ur fingers his face never changes, he smiles thru it all.
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I used to help people, and yelp at people, and Jesus I'm a beagle.Nose close to ground, a type of hound, and Jesus I'm a beagle.I never barked at babies, never bitten no old ladies.But Jesus I'm a beagle, Jesus I'm a beagle.
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What's even more impressive is that as the only Southern hemisphere athlete in the final Hamish Kerr was effectively having to jump upside down.
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Instead of teargas NZ police can get a loudspeaker and play Andy by the Front Lawn then we'd all feel too sad and have to go home.
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Starting to suspect Captain Cook just crashed into Aotearoa by accident.
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Flight attendant: Is there a doctor onboard?.Pagliacci's Dad: that should've been you.Pagliacci: Not now Dad.Doctor on board: what this patient needs, is to see the great clown Pagliacci.Pagliacci's Dad: *is tearing up*.
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Did a cat write this.
Recall of some dry Whiskas catfood products after substandard ingredients used
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Underneath Jamiroquai's hat was a full rotisserie chicken.
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sad about all these people losing their life savings so suddenly with cryptocurrency, when they could have gone into the arts and lost it slowly over several years.
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Google turns 25 today, Leonardo DiCaprio switching to Microsoft Bing.
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Hey Wgtn, am going to get a masala dosa from Kera-la-carte on Courtenay place tomorrow, they are donating all sales on Wednesday to the relief effort in Kerala following the floods. They open for lunch and dinner.
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People in glass houses should grow tomatoes herbs probably lots of other things focus on what you can do ignore the haters live laugh love.
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Tonight's NZ Opera performance of The Marriage of Figaro has been cancelled due to an unruly tourist.
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Shout out to whoever got in to the gig tonight with the koha of a 1966 Deutsche mark
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Maybe the only reason we do so well at rowing is we're a small isolated island surrounded by water with low population density so we're just rowing to try find someone to talk to.
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But how do we know Mr Eminem will not spend that $600k on cigarettes and junk food.
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#DidYouKnow Hanson's 1997 hit song MMMBop was a dedication to the Mighty Mongrel Mob (Bay of Plenty chapter).
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Person who investigates food safety violations is the Omnomnombudsman.
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To get the birdsong on RadioNZ every morning they bring one in in cage and Susie Ferguson pokes it with a stick #itsnotright.
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@kochsister They would fly into windows while attacking their reflections and donk their heads, you'd have to give them a little sugar water to get em going again.
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When Elizabeth II die Prince Phillip gonna have to marry Adam Lambert.
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I haven't spoken to this guy in maybe 20 years and he messaged me this today
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It's not "Aotearoa" it's New Zealand, also it's not "St. Pierre's Sushi" it's Saint Peter's Fish and Rice.
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What a horrible thing US school children have to prepare for. We had a plan in naenae for when a stray dog entered school grounds and that was to run around clapping cheering, chanting dog dog dog!.
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Unless you John Campbell in which case you're mā-rvellous.
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Ko what toku ingoa.Ko who toku ingoa.Ko chika-chika Slim Shady toku ingoa.
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I have a thousand followers, I am in the Twitterati now. You know what's in coffee selfie guy's mug? It's tea, its been tea this whole time.
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To encourage public transport use, I am lifting speed restrictions on the cable car.
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