ᴊᴀᴄᴋ 👑 ✨
@JackDMurphy
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Following
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Statuses
70,247
Tall, dark, and anxious. INFJ. he/him.
Yawning at the gym
Joined December 2009
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Pinned Tweet
The best thing I’ve learned this week is that when squirrels fall/jump - they land like superheroes
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Remember Tom? Remember how he just sold his $500m share in myspace and retired so he could have a nice life? He never sold our data, never tried to influence elections, never lobbied against privacy legislations... what a man. Myspace was just too pure for this world.
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They should be Kens
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when someone says "twenty years ago" and you think they're talking about 1987 but they're actually talking about 1997
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• so poorly written the dialogue is comical
• ridiculously farcical and far fetched
• almost positive not a single person in it is actually Irish
• also positive no one working on the film has ever been to Ireland
• it's the best film I've ever seen
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Katy Perry and Snoop Dogg on set of California Gurls (2010)
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“So happy for you Nicola Roberts, here’s four photos of ME”
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Gigi Goode is 21. Twenty *actual* one. She’s so confident, so talented, so comfortable in her skin... y’all see what happens when you love and support a child for who they are and encourage them to be creative and explore their entire identity from day one??
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where have all the good men gone and where are all the gods?
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I don’t think that we, as a society, talk enough about Brendan Frasier in George of the Jungle.
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Hope she’s been making notes
Melania Trump's favourite TV show is 'How To Get Away With Murder'
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I want him to blow a load in me so big that it doubles my weight
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Look at the tiny clenched fists 🥺 and that steely determined look in their eyes 😑 squirrels are badasses.
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Lucien Laviscount going from Kerry Katona to Shakira has got to be the biggest upgrade in history
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No one:
Me: CHANGE 👏🏻 YOUR 👏🏻 COSTUME 👏🏻 MIMI 👏🏻 CHANGE 👏🏻 IT 👏🏻 AROUND 👏🏻
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Colin from
#ItsASin
trying his best to perform Break Up Bye Bye by The Cock Destroyers. (My heart! 🥺♥️)
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no but like… are we ready to have this conversation??
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“Not even for dinner with the Kushners?” happened *this year* and honestly feels like a lifetime ago
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when you read an entire conversation that doesn’t concern you then “like” the shadiest tweet
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even Ariana is starting to look white again Jesy has all the girls nervous 😭
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the way I still say “go piss girl” any time anyone needs to go to the toilet… this meme is entrenched in my brain
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“She said you’re having a vodka or a dark fruits, which one?!”
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So a live band just performed Fairytale of New York right in front of me and my friends, included the word “faggot” and someone from the audience even pointed at me when it was sang. Why do straight people take so much joy out of saying that word? It’s hateful. End of discussion.
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Thought I’d hear a few claps here and there but omg Manchester has erupted in applause, cheer and even fireworks?! 👏🏻😂🥰❤️
#clapforNHS
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Ummm who is this absolute queen who was on BBC Wales Today earlier?
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Important to remember that 19 years ago an openly trans woman won the biggest reality show in the UK - by a landslide.
Don’t let the news or ignorant people in the public eye fool you - hate has never been the majority and it never will be.
🩷🩵🏳️⚧️
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that one school friend’s mum who knew you were gay before you even did
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@superTV247
£1.5 million to cast a fascist and lose over 2 million viewers lmaaaaaooooo so deserved
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Name three more iconic ways to hold a perfume bottle. I dare you.
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My favourite performance by Logan Lerman are these now deleted Instagram photos
In honor of Logan Lerman’s 30th birthday, tell us your favorite performance from the actor! 🍿
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when the dump you’ve been fighting against suddenly becomes *very* urgent
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A few weeks ago
@TwitterUK
asked me to take part in a really exciting project and collate loads of tweets on gay dating I found funny - and some of them are on billboards already! There’s a FREE pop up in Covent Garden exhibiting them all from Feb 13th-16th, 10am - 8pm daily!
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@StreetFashion01
Couldn’t they have spent that money to try and oh I don’t know, help save the reef???!
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bitch I fucking wish.
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sorry but it’s actually homophobic that both Fleabag and Derry Girls end this week. 😭💔
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sorry I’ve been quiet, I’ve been thinking about Kirsten Dunst’s kitchen
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my dad just told me that last night I was so drunk that when we were pulling up to the house I said “Anywhere here is fine mate” because I thought he was a taxi driver.
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I HATE this?! Even down to the photo choices.
#LoveIsland
has lost 800k+ viewers because they’ve forced an extra season that NO ONE asked for, with an unbearable cast & made ZERO changes to the format. You think 800k+ we’re tuning in to watch Caroline Flack show up twice a week??
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having the Tory conference in Manchester is so bizarre. It’s like having Pride at the Vatican
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Not
@CrystalMethyd
thinking the word “globetrotting” is some weird British activity called “goblet throtting” 😭 I can’t deal. She must be protected at all costs 💞
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No sorry but I just walked past a salon in Soho that has graffiti of Kate Winslet’s artwork for her smash hit single “What If” on it and I’m obsessed ?
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Sorry but it’s an actual crime that Coldplay’s frontman is Chris Martin when the absolute babe that is Guy Berryman is in the very same band.
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I *hate* ticket culture. Surely in this day and age things should be simpler? The stress of getting into a queue or a waiting room and having to use a code, some people not getting the opportunity to buy a ticket at all, while some people get tickets for multiple dates? Gross.
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I’m sorry but there is nothing more damaging than a gym gay posting a pic of his *great* body and complaining about how “fat” and “out of shape” he is. Fuck 👏🏻 all 👏🏻 the 👏🏻 way 👏🏻 off 👏🏻
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@Soeljchillinger
@HelenLOHara
Excuse me, are you doubting Bullseye’s abilities? Because I don’t need that kinda negativity on my timeline rn
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HOTELS 👏🏻 SHOULD 👏🏻 BE 👏🏻 CHEAPER 👏🏻 IF 👏🏻 YOU’RE 👏🏻 TRAVELLING 👏🏻 ALONE 👏🏻
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me when someone puts a 9am meeting in my calendar.
Friendly reminder, I’m a human being with real feelings and limitations. Though I try my very best, I can’t be everything and everywhere at once.
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people are getting so pressed over this tweet, coming into my mentions like “umm actually maths was my best subject” like I give a fuck?!
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Priyanka Chopra, Abigail Spencer and Janina Gavankar arriving at the
#RoyalWedding
is the Desperate Housewives reboot we deserve.
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Quick question to everyone older than me - do you ever not feel tired? Or is this it?
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I’m so sick of people normalising meal prep. Eating a 4-day-old meal is FOUL.
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@LouisStaples
delete this. We don’t want Londoners knowing how good it is up north thank you xoxo
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BREAKING: The LGBTQ+ Community to be renamed The Padams Family in honour of Kylie Minogue.
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Straight people: I don’t mind gay people, I just don’t want them to shove it down my throat and wave it in my children’s faces
Also straight people:
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Adam Rippon wearing glasses is exactly the content I needed today. Thank you internet.
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Today I’m mostly thinking about Lee Pace. Who is 6’5 and has unfollowed Chris Pratt.
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