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J Murch

@J_murch25

Followers
1,232
Following
593
Media
26
Statuses
1,889
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@J_murch25
J Murch
2 years
She’s anemic and I’m her iron man
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@J_murch25
J Murch
2 years
“I don’t know how I got these bruises “ Women:
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@J_murch25
J Murch
2 years
Seeing your friends while they’re at work interacting with costumers be so funny, like this isn’t the real you 😂
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@J_murch25
J Murch
2 years
“Who fried this rice?” Shrimp:
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@J_murch25
J Murch
2 years
Her: Make me a playlist Me:
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@J_murch25
J Murch
2 years
Me, after I eat her out disrespectfully
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@J_murch25
J Murch
2 years
This is the look on my face when someone’s snoring while I’m trying to sleep
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@J_murch25
J Murch
2 years
I’ll restart the whole song if I even breathe too hard on my favorite part
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@J_murch25
J Murch
2 years
Idc how heart broken I am I’m not sliding down a wall in slow motion 😭
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@J_murch25
J Murch
2 years
Women be horny at the wrong times. You could be in a drive thru asking her what she wants & she’ll say “you daddy” bitch there’s 8 cars behind us
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@J_murch25
J Murch
2 years
I don’t know how y’all take 15-30 minute naps mine be 2-8 hours 😭
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@J_murch25
J Murch
2 months
@_KC20 @PontiacMadeDDG What’s your problem bro 😭
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@J_murch25
J Murch
2 years
“Wyd tonight” It’s 6pm, I’m in bed and I’ve already showered. If you wanted to hangout you should’ve asked 4 months in advance
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@J_murch25
J Murch
2 years
Y’all love skinny dudes until y’all cuddling and he gets lost in the covers like a remote
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@J_murch25
J Murch
2 months
@_KC20 @PontiacMadeDDG I’m finna come save that lil nigga man
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@J_murch25
J Murch
2 months
@_KC20 @PontiacMadeDDG My nigga WHAT 😭😭😭
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@J_murch25
J Murch
2 years
She nasty, I’m nasty, we both coleslaw
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@J_murch25
J Murch
2 years
Don’t ruin the convo by saying “Facetime me”, now I gotta play dead
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@J_murch25
J Murch
2 years
My homegirl took 4 pregnancy tests and they all came out positive Her dumb ass started crying saying “how am I going to take care of 4 kids”
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@J_murch25
J Murch
2 years
Posting screenshots of music you’re listening to when no one cares >>>
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@J_murch25
J Murch
2 years
Me & my girl after they get my order wrong
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@J_murch25
J Murch
2 years
@ihatethewealthy That’s what she was talking about in Party in the USA?
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@J_murch25
J Murch
2 years
Sorry I’m late, I was in a towel sitting on my bed for 30 minutes looking at the wall
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@J_murch25
J Murch
2 years
Whoever says they’re the same person is lying 😭
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@J_murch25
J Murch
2 years
Sorry I can’t go out tonight I have to sit alone watching Netflix while I open and close the same 4 apps until 3am
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@J_murch25
J Murch
2 years
Leaving after the first red flag should be normalized. I’m not doing it but y’all should
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@J_murch25
J Murch
2 months
This is a classic
@ihvamps
Riċ. ✟
2 months
vine is not funny when u rewatch it i’m so sorry
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@J_murch25
J Murch
2 years
Women with tattoos are amazing bc it’s like an art museum that you can kiss
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@J_murch25
J Murch
2 years
@ihatethewealthy I'm noddin' my head like, "Yeah" Movin' my hips like, "Yeah" 🤦🏾‍♂️
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@J_murch25
J Murch
2 years
There’s about 7 trillion nerves in the human body and you get on every one of them
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@J_murch25
J Murch
2 years
I have a haunted house idea. A dimly lit grocery store full of people you haven’t talked to since high school
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@J_murch25
J Murch
2 years
Why is Monday far away from Friday and Friday is so close to Monday
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@J_murch25
J Murch
2 years
Eating pussy for my own pleasure >>>
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@J_murch25
J Murch
2 years
We all have a friend that only gets called by their nickname and it sounds weird to even say their actual name
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@J_murch25
J Murch
2 years
@ovojiggy She gave me the wrong cookies, I know it’s her first day but damn have some sense of urgency
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@J_murch25
J Murch
2 years
Women don’t actually shop they just walk around touching clothes saying “that’s cute”
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@J_murch25
J Murch
1 year
Do y’all think Lightning McQueen had car insurance or life insurance?
@DEVYN7DIOR
gaia.
1 year
do yall think a nigga not wanting to b otp is a red flag?
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@J_murch25
J Murch
2 years
That long stare before you make out >>>
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@J_murch25
J Murch
2 years
If you single stay single, someone is out here apologizing for taking a nap
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@J_murch25
J Murch
2 years
Women will watch 19 seasons of Greys Anatomy and still won’t know how to perform open heart surgery 🤦🏾‍♂️
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@J_murch25
J Murch
2 years
Why are you as a man following women that don’t follow you back
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@J_murch25
J Murch
2 years
White ppl be calling their grandparents the weirdest shit, tf is a mee maw
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@J_murch25
J Murch
1 year
I’m so 2008 y’all so 2000 and late
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@J_murch25
J Murch
2 years
People that need glasses to see have eyesight in Android quality
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@J_murch25
J Murch
2 years
Stop asking me for relationship advice idk punch em in the throat or sum
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@J_murch25
J Murch
2 years
@MateuCosta4 I had a typo ya caught me
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@J_murch25
J Murch
2 years
@LilTravi2 Yeah you’re muted, enough
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@J_murch25
J Murch
2 years
@hotmiley @ihatethewealthy You’re right, I wrote it
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@J_murch25
J Murch
2 years
How are you bi and still single? You playing cross platform and still losing
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@J_murch25
J Murch
1 year
Low iron women be like “I love your energy”, of course you do you barely have any
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@J_murch25
J Murch
1 year
Get lost in Walmart so I could hear them say my name over the intercom
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@J_murch25
J Murch
2 years
Men and God have 3 letters and women and the devil have 5
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@J_murch25
J Murch
1 year
My tweets ain’t about you, you just did wrong and you feel guilty
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@J_murch25
J Murch
1 year
Posting your ass and getting 20 likes is crazy
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@J_murch25
J Murch
2 years
Pussy be so warm bc it’s from hell
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@J_murch25
J Murch
2 years
Life kinda fell off tbh
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@J_murch25
J Murch
2 years
@blzrdpablo She tryna get some of the Mac’s sauce
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@J_murch25
J Murch
1 year
1 like = a shot
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@J_murch25
J Murch
2 years
@Noorthevirgo It be like that but we move fr
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@J_murch25
J Murch
2 years
Being popular on Twitter is like sitting at the cool table in the cafeteria of a mental hospital
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@J_murch25
J Murch
2 years
1 like = a shot
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@J_murch25
J Murch
2 years
I hate hearing kids scream in public, they don’t have any real problems
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@J_murch25
J Murch
1 year
1 like = a shot
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@J_murch25
J Murch
1 year
Dry meat, no BBQ in sight, Mac & no cheese. You’re in purgatory
Nobody make BBQ like in Virginia… I’m in heaven rn
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@J_murch25
J Murch
1 year
Girls be like “at least I was real” yeah real fucking stupid you took him back 4 times
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@J_murch25
J Murch
2 years
“Are u talking to anyone?” About what?
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@J_murch25
J Murch
2 years
Y’all be careful, mfs with no AC in their car are out here speeding
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@J_murch25
J Murch
1 year
Learning to care only about myself
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@J_murch25
J Murch
1 year
If you ever see me out at the club just know that’s my clone, no relations
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@J_murch25
J Murch
2 years
I wanna buy 1,000 mosquitos and train em to bite her and her friends
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@J_murch25
J Murch
1 year
Please stop the “how do you feel about this?” tweets. I feel like you should mind your own damn business
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@J_murch25
J Murch
2 years
Weird bitches make me sick
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@J_murch25
J Murch
2 years
Stop liking my shit weirdo ion fwy 😂
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@J_murch25
J Murch
2 years
Sometimes ppl should shut tf up
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@J_murch25
J Murch
1 year
If she get drunk and don’t call or text you that ain’t your girl
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@J_murch25
J Murch
1 year
That 70s Show ass fit 😭
@bighealthyfr
Healthy chronicles Vol. 4
1 year
Todays fit
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@J_murch25
J Murch
2 years
@AaroniaChilled You’re disgusting
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@J_murch25
J Murch
1 year
Starting your day off listening to Sonder is a form of self love
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@J_murch25
J Murch
2 years
Why are old ppl so mean? It’s not my fault you’re closer to death than I am
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@J_murch25
J Murch
1 year
Made me feel important idk
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@J_murch25
J Murch
2 years
Told my coworker to get some bitches just to find out that she’s married to a woman
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@J_murch25
J Murch
2 years
I ain’t no sneaky link. You better hold my hand in this Walmart
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@J_murch25
J Murch
2 years
Okay y’all can stop liking this now it wasn’t that funny 🧍🏾‍♂️
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@J_murch25
J Murch
2 years
Imagine getting on Twitter and taking every tweet serious. Go to Facebook
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@J_murch25
J Murch
2 years
Everyone shut up Kaash Paige is on
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@J_murch25
J Murch
2 years
@LuhGeekir That’s how I know you’re Canadian bc who tf uses km
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@J_murch25
J Murch
3 months
New music on the way 🤞🏾
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@J_murch25
J Murch
2 years
It’s time for some ink therapy
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@J_murch25
J Murch
2 years
@LilTravi2 I’d rather die then draw 25 in uno
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@J_murch25
J Murch
2 years
Having no followers kinda cool it’s like talking to yourself in real life
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@J_murch25
J Murch
2 years
Its always the ugly mf tryna call u twin. God if I look like doodlebob just say that
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@J_murch25
J Murch
2 years
@WhoTFissim No need for alla dat Ima call her mine
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@J_murch25
J Murch
2 years
Yt people put raisins on everything like that shit is some cilantro
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@J_murch25
J Murch
2 years
Been eating twice as much just so one vegan that thinks they’re making a difference is making no difference at all
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@J_murch25
J Murch
2 years
It slipped out and she put it back in
@LilTravi2
Evil Travi 🕷️
2 years
Just dropped the blunt 3 times 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
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@J_murch25
J Murch
1 year
Cinnamon Toast Crunch is the best cereal and it’s not even close
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