J Murch
@J_murch25
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1,232
Following
593
Media
26
Statuses
1,889
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Seeing your friends while they’re at work interacting with costumers be so funny, like this isn’t the real you 😂
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This is the look on my face when someone’s snoring while I’m trying to sleep
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I’ll restart the whole song if I even breathe too hard on my favorite part
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Idc how heart broken I am I’m not sliding down a wall in slow motion 😭
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Women be horny at the wrong times. You could be in a drive thru asking her what she wants & she’ll say “you daddy” bitch there’s 8 cars behind us
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I don’t know how y’all take 15-30 minute naps mine be 2-8 hours 😭
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“Wyd tonight”
It’s 6pm, I’m in bed and I’ve already showered. If you wanted to hangout you should’ve asked 4 months in advance
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Y’all love skinny dudes until y’all cuddling and he gets lost in the covers like a remote
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Don’t ruin the convo by saying “Facetime me”, now I gotta play dead
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My homegirl took 4 pregnancy tests and they all came out positive
Her dumb ass started crying saying “how am I going to take care of 4 kids”
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Posting screenshots of music you’re listening to when no one cares >>>
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Sorry I’m late, I was in a towel sitting on my bed for 30 minutes looking at the wall
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Sorry I can’t go out tonight I have to sit alone watching Netflix while I open and close the same 4 apps until 3am
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Leaving after the first red flag should be normalized. I’m not doing it but y’all should
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This is a classic
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Women with tattoos are amazing bc it’s like an art museum that you can kiss
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There’s about 7 trillion nerves in the human body and you get on every one of them
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I have a haunted house idea. A dimly lit grocery store full of people you haven’t talked to since high school
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Why is Monday far away from Friday and Friday is so close to Monday
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We all have a friend that only gets called by their nickname and it sounds weird to even say their actual name
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@ovojiggy
She gave me the wrong cookies, I know it’s her first day but damn have some sense of urgency
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Women don’t actually shop they just walk around touching clothes saying “that’s cute”
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Do y’all think Lightning McQueen had car insurance or life insurance?
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If you single stay single, someone is out here apologizing for taking a nap
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Women will watch 19 seasons of Greys Anatomy and still won’t know how to perform open heart surgery 🤦🏾♂️
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White ppl be calling their grandparents the weirdest shit, tf is a mee maw
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Stop asking me for relationship advice idk punch em in the throat or sum
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How are you bi and still single? You playing cross platform and still losing
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Low iron women be like “I love your energy”, of course you do you barely have any
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Get lost in Walmart so I could hear them say my name over the intercom
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Being popular on Twitter is like sitting at the cool table in the cafeteria of a mental hospital
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I hate hearing kids scream in public, they don’t have any real problems
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Dry meat, no BBQ in sight, Mac & no cheese. You’re in purgatory
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Girls be like “at least I was real” yeah real fucking stupid you took him back 4 times
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Y’all be careful, mfs with no AC in their car are out here speeding
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If you ever see me out at the club just know that’s my clone, no relations
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I wanna buy 1,000 mosquitos and train em to bite her and her friends
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Please stop the “how do you feel about this?” tweets. I feel like you should mind your own damn business
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That 70s Show ass fit 😭
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Why are old ppl so mean? It’s not my fault you’re closer to death than I am
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Told my coworker to get some bitches just to find out that she’s married to a woman
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Imagine getting on Twitter and taking every tweet serious. Go to Facebook
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Having no followers kinda cool it’s like talking to yourself in real life
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Its always the ugly mf tryna call u twin. God if I look like doodlebob just say that
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Yt people put raisins on everything like that shit is some cilantro
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Been eating twice as much just so one vegan that thinks they’re making a difference is making no difference at all
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It slipped out and she put it back in
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