“Would you explain this gap in your resume to me?” “Yes, that was when Jesus carried me”

Dear @EASPORTSCollege Why isn’t Ms State’s Bully in the game? Can we get him in an update please? Love the game and I love you

Whoever the genius was at @AWRootBeer that decided to change the recipe on their Cream Soda has absolutely ruined it

Were the guy in charge of this account, I think I’d just quit making graphics for the night

@tatereeves In order to have actually seen this man in office for all these years and consciously decide to vote for him again one would have to be stupid, evil, or both. There is a reason Mississippi is the worst state by far and it is him and people that would support him.

To clarify: @tatereeves is human refuse, a sentient pile of rotten mashed potatoes. If a scientist set out to create the stupidest super villain in history, it’d be him. Every part of his time in office has been a failure, with his entire legacy being theft from poor kids

Fuck @tatereeves

I remember when this shitty website was the fun kind of hellhole website I do not understand how anyone can still enjoy it now

The only good thing that remains on Twitter is the @Eve6 guy

that ledge my friend

I think my biggest goal in life is to not ever let the town in which I live be my entire personality

“grumpy staying” or what is simply know as “going to work”

When I call back Domino’s a second time to let them know it’s been over an hour and my pizza still hasn’t been delivered.

I would eat the entire fuck out of a T-Rex

me: what if willy wonka fucked u on his scary boat ride interviewer: i meant do u have any questions about the position me: oh then no. do u have any questions for me? interviewer: yea. it's an interview me: go ahead interviewer: *checks clipboard* how good does he fuck me

It is the sad boy equivalent to those dudes who pretended to be the Joker after Dark Knight came out

Genuinely I think everything Bourdain ever said was “Don’t believe in idols, live life however you feel. Life is so individualized that nobody can define yours but yourself” and these fuckin guys are all “Oh hell yeah, Bourdain is my idol and I want to be exactly like him”

I feel like Bourdain would have been fuckin repulsed by the folks who fetishize him today

https://t.co/9oUtAGSi33

RSJ’s red beans and rice suck shit I have not just eaten them or even eaten them recently, the thought just popped into my head about how fuckawful they are. Bland piece of shit.

If @drpepper ever stops making the Strawberries n Cream variety I will strawberries and scream