So long and thanks for all the fish.

I met my wife while on holiday. Which was awkward as I'd told her I was going to a funeral.

Lovely stuff

Gull I saw in Brixham, Devon.

Drills can be riveting and boring at the same time, although ironically not if they're dull.

So many accounts compare an underperforming film to a more successful one and say "People obviously want X, not Y". Fantastic Four is failing because it's a "girl boss film", which was what they were calling the new Jurassic World film before it got to $800m.

Me: I want to buy an album by a big group of singers .Shop guy: You mean a choir? .Me: Sure: I want to ACQUIRE some music by a big group of singers.

Fun fact about Saturday Night Fever is it was based on a 1976 article about the NY disco scene by an English/Irish journalist who didn't even make it into the disco he was meant to be writing about because he got scared at the door, then made up how he imagined it would be like.

"I don't mean to sound unempathetic, but. "

[First day in office] .Me: Hi Ironic! .Her: My name is Joy .Me: Sorry, someone told me your first name was Ironic. Oh wait. .

Made the mistake of staring at Thea Biss and then Thea Biss stared back at me.

RT @asburyandasbury: More revisionism. The party line is that this was "low-key internet pushback" that got plucked from obscurity by the e….

Son: Can I have that thing?.Me: No, it's overpriced and rubbish.Son: Please, I REALLY want it.Me: No. Why don't you use the holiday money we gave you?.Son: I'm not spending my own money on that piece of crap.

Twice this week I've been pointing across a road at something then noticed two people walking where I'm gesturing, looking back at me, and I've had to keep pointing until they've completely passed so they don't think it was at them.

Crazy to think these were created in a lab

Used a public waste bin and a recorded voice said "Thank you". I gave a homeless guy next to it a quid and he said "Is that all?". A few mins later I said to my wife "The bin was more grateful" and she replied that both our daughters had already separately told her the same joke.

RT @ItsAndyRyan: Daughter: What does gays mean?.Me: Well you know mum and dad love each other - two men can love each other the same way.He….

Lots of people replying 'racecar'. But they don't look like this!

Expensive/important things that sound like small things:.• Golf club.• Cheese board.• Fridge magnate.

Emma: I'll give you a free drink if you can think of a palindrome. Me: Em, it is Pepsi time!.

This is the stuff historians don't want you to know about